Confused, scared and doubting if true love even exsists.
I try to sum it up quite shortly but it may be a bit long :)
It all started in a wedding where he was working as a security-guard and I was the organizer who put the whole wedding together. I had to work with him and we had a connection from the beginning. Although firstly I didn't have any feelings towards him but as the night continued I got to know him more, because our work was intwined and I had to communicate with him a lot, and I started to like him. At the end of the night I had developed feelings for him and they were strong. I have never believed in love first sight but it was happening to me. He was from the main land and the wedding took place on an island where I lived, he had to get back home. He lives 200 km away from me. I was heart broken at first. A month later he came back to the island for a birthday of our mutual friend, whose weddings I organized. We were both invited and as the night went on our connection grow bigger and more intense. I spent two nights and two days with him and I was totally inlove with him when he left. After that we started communicating on Skype for a month, every day untill in the beginning of March I visited him. The first time I visited his place was wonderful, we spent so much time together and got to know each other more and more. We grew into each other and at the second time I visited him we confessed our love to each other.
Now we have been together for 3 months and I am getting the feeling that I am losing love towards him and the possibility of being crazily inlove with him starts to fade away. You might think why I am confused, scared and doubtful? Well now I have to tell you the details.
1) I am 18, and still in high-school. The country where I live students graduate at the age of 19 and then go to university. So right now as I speak I am in 11th grade. He is 23, so our age differ is 5 years. Although it might not seem so big, his mind is actually older than his actual age is, so in the end I can say that he is 36. He goes to university and has a great job when I am just starting with work.
2) He is more experienced than me and i am too young and childish for him. He has been hurt a lot and is very deffencive when it comes to feelings and relationships. he doesn't believe in love or being madly in love with someone. he compares me with every woman around me and levels me with his ex gfs. i am lower than him to him and he gets pissed off a lot. i do make mistakes and mess up a lot too but he says that he is getting tired of it. i am thinking about going to London in 4 years but he doesn't want to come with me. i want to travel but he wants to have a stable work and stay here where we both live right now. he wants something serious and deep right away but i want it to take it slow and experience the so-called puppy love with him. He doesn't believe in puppy-love and being madly in love. Today he told me that TRUE LOVE DOESN't EXSIST and the idea of it self is SILLY. Though he has told me that he does love me..
3)We fight a lot. Basically every day and I have cried so many times. It hurts like hell and I always feel so sad about it. He has told me that our relationship has been sad all along and I am the one to blame most of the time.
So I am TIRED, sad and CONFUSED. I don't know what to feel anymore or what to do. It feels like what ever I do is wrong and this relationship only falls into pieces more and more each day. I DON'T want to lose him but I am getting the feeling that I might not love him anymore.. and that this is not right. I do believe in true love and I want to feel the power of being in a relationship and madly inlove with someone that those feelings just stop the whole world. It was with him like that in the beginning but not anymore..
PLEASE HELP ME!! because I don't know what to do anymore and what to feel. I am confused and saying "I love you" to him, starts to hurt more and more each time I say it..
