Please help out the nice guy

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12-04-13, 12:43 PM
Fear2Love

Please help out the nice guy

Okay, my situation is pretty unique I'd say. I just very (within the last week) recently ended a relationship that has been over 7 years. I just was not feeling the love there anymore. At the moment I feel like I am at rock bottom and very sad. The light at the end of the tunnel is a girl I have known for a while whom I have always had deep feelings for her, and she has had the same. I feel like this girl is my soul mate. I care about her more than anything. Since I have ended my long term relationship, the girl I have had feelings for and I have re-kindled our friendship and our interest/chemistry together. I will dive deeper into this depending on how good of responses I get... My advice needed is this.... In the past few days she has been seeming to get more and more distant. We both work and are busy, but the cute little texts and calls seem to be less and less in the past couple days and also not very "lovey dovey" as much at all. I am wondering if I am smothering her? Does she need space? Please i need help!
12-04-13, 12:51 PM
basilandthyme

Fear2Love, it's too much too quick and she's probably being wary. And for good reason! While do I know what it's like to hit the ground running after ending a relationship, going from being with one long term partner to sending lovey texts to another within one week is extreme even for me.

Slow it all down!!!!
12-04-13, 12:58 PM
Fear2Love

Quote:

Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Fear2Love, it's too much too quick and she's probably being wary. And for good reason! While do I know what it's like to hit the ground running after ending a relationship, going from being with one long term partner to sending lovey texts to another within one week is extreme even for me.

Slow it all down!!!!

I understand and agree. But in a way she has been waiting for me and she let me know this. And i would be heartbroken for the rest of my life if i lost her. Something important to note is that she is like the cutest sexiest little thing I have ever seen in my entire life. And im not being blinded by anything because sooooo many people view her as like...wow.... If i lose her i will not feel the same for the rest of my life.. no joke. I need to make this right.. So when it comes to talking to her, do I back off for now? let her call/text me? let her ask me to hang out? I am also a very romantic guy, so if I all of a sudden cut out the feelings and it looks like I dont care, then it wont be the guy that she knows / loves (hopefully)
12-04-13, 01:57 PM
smackie9

Well sometimes you desire someone or something for so long, then when the day comes when it happens, it turns out it's is not as great as you thought. This could be happening to her. On top of that you are coming on to strong, and she isn't on the same level as you.....and that will scare anyone off. You need to kool it like everyone else says....the less you do the better the results.
13-04-13, 06:19 AM
VerticalMoon

I'm pretty sure you have been smothering her. You're using as her as an emotional clutch to avoid dealing with anything else. You're coming off as seeming very clingy and needy, and even if you haven't said these things directly to her, I'm sure she can sense it. That's bound to be a major turn-off for her. You're not going to be in a position to come off as a good prospect until you've had time to work through your emotions.

Your happiness is yours to control. Sometimes it can take a while to be happy again after losing somebody, but if you put it in the effort you can do it, it'll happen eventually. As long as you've decided, though, that your happiness depends on having her in your life, you're going to feel pathetic. As long as you feel pathetic, you're going to look pathetic. As long as you look pathetic, you're not going to be attractive to anyone..

Take some time to yourself. Work through your emotions. If it's meant to be, she'll be there. And if it's not meant to be, you'll find a way to move on and discover other lights.
13-04-13, 06:24 AM
Wakeup

I'm tending to guess that she thought you were awesome when she couldn't actually have you but once you became available, you were'nt that intriguing to her anymore.

By chance did you stop feeling the love for your longterm partner when this sexy, sweet girl started showing you some attention?
13-04-13, 06:34 AM
VerticalMoon

By the way, I hope my last post didn't coming off as me calling you pathetic. I understand you're in a really tough spot right now. It happens to almost everyone and can cloud our thinking. But my point is that it's better for you to take a step back and re-evaluate your thought processes. Getting the idea that you'll always need her stuck in your head isn't going to help you win her. More importantly, it isn't healthy for you. You need to take time to focus on healing emotionally. You'll know you're ready for another relationship when you reach the point that you know you can feel okay on your own. A relationship will be a bonus in your life, but not something you'll feel you absolutely need in your life. Until then, focus on your health, your hobbies, spend time with friends and family. Try to take it one day and do your best to stay positive when you can. Things will get better, and you'll be okay. I promise.
13-04-13, 09:27 AM
dickriculous

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fear2Love [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I understand and agree. But in a way she has been waiting for me and she let me know this. And i would be heartbroken for the rest of my life if i lost her. Something important to note is that she is like the cutest sexiest little thing I have ever seen in my entire life. And im not being blinded by anything because sooooo many people view her as like...wow.... If i lose her i will not feel the same for the rest of my life.. no joke. I need to make this right.. So when it comes to talking to her, do I back off for now? let her call/text me? let her ask me to hang out? I am also a very romantic guy, so if I all of a sudden cut out the feelings and it looks like I dont care, then it wont be the guy that she knows / loves (hopefully)

I can tell just by reading your posts that you are likely coming off as extremely desperate and needy. Women aren't attracted to that sort of thing brah.

Desperation is the ultimate pussy-repellant. Literally the worst thing you can do when trying to attract a woman is treat her as if she makes or breaks you. If she wants a helpless puppy to take care of she can get one at the animal shelter, doesn't mean she's gonna want the lil thing's penis inside her.

Showing interest is good but you've gone WAY overboard.

Unfortunately, the answer to your problem isn't as simple as "do x, y, and z in that order and she's yours". It's going to take a bit of a paradigm shift on your end, you have to live a life that tells you and everyone else that you have too much to offer a woman to subject yourself to falling all over yourself out of desperation for her attention like this, and you must carry yourself, think, feel, and breathe that notion in kind.

I'll tell you this much, your problem is not this woman, it is within you. The sooner you understand that the better off you are. Whether or not you get this girl is of very little consequence within the big picture of things - the big picture is what lies within your soul and the way you're behaving over her tells me that within that soul lies turmoil and chaos and it's fukking with your emotions and mental state in a way that you can't seem to control. This wouldn't be happening if you could honestly look at yourself and believe that you are just as good, or even better than her - and that belief system would be natural and effortless if you lived your life in such a way that reinforced that notion - THAT'S what you need to worry about imo.

And when you've accomplished that you might just find that many of your problems with women have magically dissipated.
13-04-13, 11:54 AM
Fear2Love

Okay very good advice so far guys thank you.. Here is more to the story so you can analize this and interpret.. My 7 year relationship and I had a break over a summer because we
were just butting heads a little too much and needed some time apart.. My interest in the other girl also sparked this to happen. After me and my ex got back together, the girl and I stopped taking completely. Eventually I got a message from her through facebook and it was sweet and genuine and we missed each other so much.. She was waiting for me this whole time. And trust me when I tell you, she must have been pushing away guys left and right because she is no joke the most beautiful girl in the world.. Please analize and interpret.
13-04-13, 12:23 PM
Fear2Love

Quote:

Originally Posted by VerticalMoon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

By the way, I hope my last post didn't coming off as me calling you pathetic. I understand you're in a really tough spot right now. It happens to almost everyone and can cloud our thinking. But my point is that it's better for you to take a step back and re-evaluate your thought processes. Getting the idea that you'll always need her stuck in your head isn't going to help you win her. More importantly, it isn't healthy for you. You need to take time to focus on healing emotionally. You'll know you're ready for another relationship when you reach the point that you know you can feel okay on your own. A relationship will be a bonus in your life, but not something you'll feel you absolutely need in your life. Until then, focus on your health, your hobbies, spend time with friends and family. Try to take it one day and do your best to stay positive when you can. Things will get better, and you'll be okay. I promise.

Thank you. A sad part about it is that I have been with this 7 year relationship all of my adult life. So the dating experience I have is the meaningless crushes i had in gradeschool-highschool. Like I have no idea how to make this girl "long for me" properly. I like want to text her every morning goodmorning beautiful.. But shit i do not want to make her think that I am desperate.. what a turn off. how do i get her to long for me..??? And i dont want to be a dick and give her the cold shoulder either...
13-04-13, 11:42 PM
Wakeup

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fear2Love [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Okay very good advice so far guys thank you.. Here is more to the story so you can analize this and interpret.. My 7 year relationship and I had a break over a summer because we
were just butting heads a little too much and needed some time apart.. My interest in the other girl also sparked this to happen. After me and my ex got back together, the girl and I stopped taking completely. Eventually I got a message from her through facebook and it was sweet and genuine and we missed each other so much.. She was waiting for me this whole time. And trust me when I tell you, she must have been pushing away guys left and right because she is no joke the most beautiful girl in the world.. Please analize and interpret.

Just read my first post and it will tell you exactly what you need to know.

Shame on her for not leaving you alone when she knew you were in a relationship. Shame on you for not trying to get the spark back in your 7 year relatinship because you thought this attention whore wanted you. She's fading after a mere week of you being available to be with her.. what does that tell you about her?

You've made your bed now you have to lie in it. You thought the grass was greener and now you're out standing in a field alone, or so it would appear. I hope you've learned a valuable lesson here in that if you're having problems in a longterm relationship then you either stay together and work it or or you leave and process that breakup before trying to secure a new relationship before leaving the one you're in. Flirting and chatting and becoming emotionally involved with another person is the opposite of what you do when in a long term relationship.

If your crush is the type of person I think she is, then the best way for you to get her to want you like you thought she wanted you, is to completely ignore her and let her search you out again like she did when you were trying to fix the problems in your 7 year relationship.