What Should I Do? Are We on a Break or Broken up

hi everyone,

im new here. im going to try to explain my situation although being very long and complicated.

my gf and i of 9mos recently are on some sort of a break or maybe have even broken up. im quite not sure. i'll get more into this later. it's been about 3 weeks since. we didn't have many problems up until the 8th month - july. she did inform me that things were going to be quite busy during july. i respected that and gave her the time needed to sort out whatever that was needed. from talking to her almost 2 hours a day and seeing each other like on an average of twice a week, month 8 and 9 went to conversations of 5 minutes (telling me she's tired, stressed from her mom, needs sleep) and quality time just not being the same. it wasn't the same due to what happened during the month of july. her mom, which i have not yet met (that's another story), has apparently brought up many insecurities/ mortified in ways unimaginable. her mom is pretty much too much - calls her disrespectful names in front of friends. she started to change ... which affected the short quality time we spent together.

i figure since we get past july, things will be ok. we would have time to spend with each other. apparently, that didn't quite work out. something happened with her irresponsible sibling which caused her to take a second job. thus, impacting the time we would have to spend together.

she decided to somewhat give up one nite we spoke ... the reasons she gave are:

a) there will realistically be little to no time to spend since she has this 2nd job

b) since she has some mental issues to tackle, it wouldn't be fair for us to be together at this moment. much of it has to do with loving herself before loving anyone else. another problem she tackles is that she is the responsible sibling that does everything right, but just does not get quite the respect from her parents like that of the troublesome sister.

as i mentioned i've never met her mom. but has met her dad. they are seperated. the dad thinks the world of me and has thanked me continually on how i've treated his daugter. we my gf and i were together, we hung out occasionally.

when we did have a break or space / breakup ... what is bothersome is that she kepts mentioning how she'll do anything for me. and that we should still have some sort of communication. how should i take this?

it's not quite easy for us to see each other either. we are about 90 miles apart. it worked out since one week she was here and the next i was there. but the way i feel is that if there is a will there is always a way!

i've sent her a pretty deep letter showing her how much i care and asking for some closure: if we're on a break or is it a breakup. it's been 10+ days since she's read the letter. from our conversation, she mentions that she will "eventually find time to write me back." wondering why can't i get a straight answer?! and how much time should i give this?

im leaving out many details, but i was wondering if i should continue to hold on to hope or let her go.

i care for her very much, and i think during hard times ... you would want to be with a person during these very hard times. would i be so wrong to let her go during the toughest times of her life? in some ways, when her and i talk, she doesn't show much feeling from break/ break-up. like no remorse. but is completely the opposite given feedback from her friends and my friends. what she tells her best friend is that "right guy, very wrong timing"

we are both in our mid 20's.

alot of ppl say i'm too nice. i have treated her like a lady and respected her unlike any other guy she has dated. she has had very bad relationship in the past.

what should i do? looks like we're all over the place with this!

Hi

Your issue sounds complicated, I think that somewhere inside her she wants you a lot, but everything else just seems to be getting to her too much, and in some respects she is looking out for your feelings, she knows she cant see you that often or spend time with you, but she may not realising how you are prepared to wait. Because everything is so hectic in her life one thing she needs right now is someone just there, so you being there should have been good, I think that maybe you need to reiterate this to her. You say that whenever you used to go on breaks she would do anything for you, and that she feels no remorse this time. There is a huge change there, and her time taking in replying to that letter may mean something, but at the same time she may be confused herself, she seems so straight in the way shes dealing with everything but with the way that everything has happened in her life how can she be certain on anything herself. You are nice, but stay that way- you can never be too nice or anything like that, you have to be understanding however much hurt you feel, its a lesson I've learnt.

If its the timing thing, then it should most certainly be a break, but until she confirms anything then you just dont know, and if it isnt a break then there may be more to it, you're an integral part of her life, I think maybe time and space may be what you need, from your point of view she needs you, but its not for you to tell her its for her ot realise.

I dont know if what I have said helps, I am new here too, this situation is complicated so I may have got on the wrong end of the stick.