Careful what you wish for..
So, I've spent most of my life being single and finding it difficult to believe that I will be loved. However in the last couple of years, the situation improved and I had my first boyfriend when I just turned 24. The relationship worked well until he had to move back to his own country and we couldn't see each other anymore. Fast forward to now, I'm 25, and recently met somebody quite a bit older, 42, but I was willing to have an open mind and we met. I didn't feel initial great chemistry, but I didn't with my first boyfriend either at first, and I came to realise he was loyal, caring, shares the same core values and appreciates and accepts me. He is keen to progress the relationship and even sees me as potential marriage material, although it's only been a month, so I communicated to him my uncertainties and the need to take it slower.
The thing is, while it has the potential theoretically to be a good relationship, same values, I feel safe with him, and I feel like that it would be a stable solid relationship, but I don't feel passion, the urge to hear his voice, nor feel a huge amount of physical attraction. However a lot of this is associated with fleeting lust, and I find it difficult at this point to differentiate between love that doesn't have fireworks or is spectacular, but can grow, or friendship that just isn't love. With my first boyfriend it wasn't initially amazing, but at least after a month it started to grow, I was attracted to him and looked forward to seeing him, but this time, I just don't know. I've pretty much told him this and he understands, I've said there are some feelings there but I don't know whether it's just because he loves me or whether it's something worth pursuing. I've always had better relationships with older guys who have more focus and seriousness about relationships, but I don't know whether the gap is too big here...
Above all, I don't want to hurt him, and I can sometimes be guilty of being a people pleaser and I'm forced to possibly confront this here. I've decided that if after 6 months I feel the same way then we shouldn't be together, but it's further complicated by the fact that he has a 2 year job position abroad in the US, making it long distance, although he still wants to make it work with me. While he is great in many ways, I don't like the fact that he wants to settle too fast, (is it me or the idea of settling down that he wants?) and although he seems believable he doesn't just want me for a UK visa on marriage (he is singaporean) There.still is that question mark. I'd appreciate advice.from those more experienced in relationships, because my lack of experience is now apparent in failing to deal with this issue.
