broken up, moving on, but...

Hi

It may be worthless posting this, but it helps in some ways. I know I'm only 16 but I was looking for somethign really deep and for quite a while, nto just random teenage flings.

OK, basically I went out with this girl for a couple of months then in the half term in the middle of exams everythign had been going perfect, then she woke up one morn not feeling the same and dumped me that afternoon on a night out with no consideration for my feelings at all, with no warning, it was quite bad, with really minor reasons . We got back a couple of days later but I put no thought into it at all. Our relationship was better but, I lost respect for her, this was in retaliation to some of the little things she used to do, becuase she had dumped me wihtout warning i used to wake up every morn and think she'd do the same for 2 weeks, and then any time she used to hurt me unintentionally I used to feel it that much more.

I then went from treating her really well, to treating her badly, I just didn't realise it. In general when I wasnt with her I just used to manage to feel some hurt of sort. This is where a problem occured, she went away for 2 months, the night she left my mates took me out and at 3 am asked me how i could trust her and loads of other stuff and brought me into tears. This brought so much hurt back and I sent it to the cause- her, this was through emails and one time we did sort stuff out online, but the hurt and other stuff must have got to her badly, cos it was like she was only receiving hurt and made worse cos I wasnt with her. so 3 weeks in- she ended things through an email and then wouldnt speak to when i rung(international phone calls), and we're not on speaking terms. She's a really forgiving person but I think she'll forgive me but just doesnt want to get back, the thing is I know she was happy with me, especially when she was just with me, in my arms. We had everything in a relationship,and we are right for each other. I am moving on and from time to time I drift off into how we could still be because teh one thing which we didnt do was give our relationship a proper chance, with proper timing- we went out during exam time and while she was away, with this dream of what could have been after the summer. I got a couple of hints from her friends the other day of getting back together, it only ended in a little argument with them, but I'm moving on, and sometimes its hard cos I want to be with her so much, but I think I'm just lonely. I try speaking ot her online adn she doesnt reply, I dont know what this means, because to some extent it means she isnt over me which is a good thing (i heard she is going through hell at the moment as well), another thing was that as well as me treating her badly she just didnt want to be in a realtionship at that time but I dont knwo what it means exactly. I had previously grovelled for forgiveness, and it was like no reply, I've admitted all wrong and it has done nothing, shes still not talking to me.

I think that if I feel like I am in 2 months time or so I will do something about it, I'm not gonna live a lie, and say- lets give it this chance, and see what we could have been otherwise Ill regret not seeing what could have happened. I know I should move on, and am moving on its just from time to time I get this little kick of hurt- it also brings a kick of love, it also brings this one and only what could.

Thanks, any help is much appreciated I know this is long but I think background is needed.

well stop living in the past. you're only remember the good memories and wish they would come back but they're not. trust me, i've been in your shoes before and went out with this girl twice. and i broke her heart twice. then i tried a third time and realized there was nothing left. to be straight up, as everyone else told you, move on because there is nothing left for you to do. later in life you might become friends but for now, let her cool down and things will return to normal. raverboy