3 years & now I end up confused. I'm just a complete moron.

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19-05-13, 04:51 AM
StayHumble

3 years & now I end up confused. I'm just a complete moron.

I met this girl in 2010 I had no intention in my mind to make her anymore than that but she had such a strong personality that every time I met her I found myself somewhat addicted to speaking to her...

After friends for 2 years - this "friend" was now called my "best friend" & then things changed...

I told her in 2010 the first day I met her that I was getting an arranged marriage whoever my parents pick (its our tradition) and 2 years later I informed her in a smiling manner that my parents were looking into things for me... her face completely dropped & she started to cry.

It was obvious straight away why she was crying & then she reveals her strong feelings for me; how she can't see me getting married and how she'll have to leave forever when the time comes & not keep in contact - I agreed & told her whatever makes her more comfortable she can do.

6 months ago from now I told her the time is close as my parents keep talking about this arranged marriage & if she wanted to leave now is the right time so we met up... she cried & when it was time to leave she couldn't breath all of a sudden she was holding her chest & I could hear her insides pushing to breath; she was very shaky so I took her somewhere warm & got her some water and reminded her that she can do better than me etc.

Because of all that shakiness it was clear that she was not ready to leave just yet so I gave it time & I tried 2 months later... similar thing happened again & I was left feeling very sorry something was eating me up inside... I was asking myself did I lead her on? The answer to me is likely a NO because I told her about the arranged thing on the first day we met & said it randomly throughout the 3 years.

Now.

This arranged thing is coming EVEN more bloody closer & I've realised this friend I have is PERFECT in terms of personality I could easily see myself living with her for the rest of my life & being happy and she believes she can't find a better guy BUT all this time why did I not see this till now right at the end? Also your probably going to think I'm a douchebag but I doubt the physical attraction side of things I'd give myself a 7/8 and she sits at around a 6/7 I'm getting these stupid thoughts where I'm thinking she is perfect but "hey you can do better" ... WHY? why am I thinking like this!

I'm 23 years old 6ft1 & she's 20 only 4ft11 - that's another thing that keeps playing up in my mind "I wish you were taller" WHY? why am I thinking this? she didn't bloody make her height... can someone please slap some sense into me!
19-05-13, 04:57 AM
lalalita

Does it matter, really? You're going to have to marry who your family selects, anyway.

Wondering "hey can you do better"? - If you're feeling this way over someone who have a very close bond with for 3 years, you're going to be miserable marrying someone you've never even met. You haven't "sowed your wild oats" yet, and you won't be satisfied with ANYONE until you do.
19-05-13, 05:05 AM
StayHumble

Quote:

Originally Posted by lalalita [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Does it matter, really? You're going to have to marry who your family selects, anyway.

Wondering "hey can you do better"? - If you're feeling this way over someone who have a very close bond with for 3 years, you're going to be miserable marrying someone you've never even met. You haven't "sowed your wild oats" yet, and you won't be satisfied with ANYONE until you do.

Thank you for your response. I understand where your coming from but I've been shown pictures of some of the women my parents are looking into & they are fairly good looking & they're tall... again I'm sounding like a heartless piece of crap but I know 1000% I will never find a personality/human being like my friend, the connection we have, she knows whats on my mind I don't even need to say it, I don't even need to tell her I'm feeling down she knows it vice versa she understands my humour, she completes my sentences at times knowing what I'm going to say, there is a close bond there for sure... I can't walk away from that? No way but then these stupid thoughts come into my mind? Will they go away?
19-05-13, 05:13 AM
lalalita

Are you sexually attracted to her?
19-05-13, 05:17 AM
StayHumble

Quote:

Originally Posted by lalalita [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Are you sexually attracted to her?

... sexually attracted? as in a sexual way I'd say yes.
19-05-13, 05:49 AM
lalalita

To be in a relationship with someone, let alone marry them, you need to be attracted to their personality aswell as their appearance. One without the other doesn't often work.

Just because a girl is a 10, doesn't mean you're going to fall in love with her and have a healthy relationship.
19-05-13, 10:20 AM
TablesandChairs

So you don't like her physically and you're betrothed to someone else...let her go, stop hanging out and limit contact. It's selfish to keep her around simply because your 'wife' hasn't materialized yet, which is what you've been doing thus far. Of course she's developed feelings, she's human. You guys have probably spent a lot of time together and these things happen.

Even if she was 5'10, would you choose her over what your family has planned for you? Doubtful.
19-05-13, 10:38 PM
StayHumble

Quote:

Originally Posted by TablesandChairs [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So you don't like her physically and you're betrothed to someone else...let her go, stop hanging out and limit contact. It's selfish to keep her around simply because your 'wife' hasn't materialized yet, which is what you've been doing thus far. Of course she's developed feelings, she's human. You guys have probably spent a lot of time together and these things happen.

Even if she was 5'10, would you choose her over what your family has planned for you? Doubtful.

I'm in love with her inner self, she is far from ugly & above average for certain when I said physical appearance is lacking I didn't mean UGLY.

As I said she didn't make her height I completely understand that but my inner voice sometimes does these things to me & starts playing with my mind.

Would I pick this girl over what my family has planned for me? Hell yes. I'm guaranteed happiness with this woman & I'm playing a chance game with someone my parents pick why would I not want to go with someone I know for 3 years who I think will be a good wife & a good mother.