Wife of 4 years cheated

Hello, my wife and I are a young couple(me 26 and her 23), we've been together for 5 years and married for almost 4. I recently discovered she has been cheating on me with a coworker of hers for the past 3 months on and off. I found the text messages and got to the truth. She claims she doesn't know why other then because sex. Apparently my **** is to big and hurts her... But anyways she made a blog about pretty much what happened and this is what she wrote. (I am hoping some of you guys will read this story and tell me maybe why she did it.)




"I've been married since 2010 and about to turn 23, my husband is going to be 27. We've been together for about 5 years and haven't ever spent a day apart and I love him more then I can say, and I cheated on him and I can't figure out why. He is perfect...

Everything has always been absolutely perfect between us. He is the perfect man. He's never done anything wrong to me, and is everything I've ever dreamed of. About 2 years ago we were even happily working together and then he got fired, I am disabled and everything fell onto me and I've never had a job before. I'm a manic depressive bipolar who cripples to stess, but knew I had to keep working to help us keep going. Long story short we lost our apartment and had to move back to California in hopes that someone was going to help us which didn't happen and we were living out of our car with 3 cats and our dog. A family friend eventually let us crash their couch and I secured a seasonal job at Toys R Us but he wasnt having any luck and at the time didnt think he was taking it as serious as he should.

I got a job full time eventually with great pay benefits and in an office, but was still working Toys R Us to finish the season so I had 2 jobs, nowhere to live and animals and my husband I couldnt support.

I've always had a good head on my shoulders despite being a victim of rape and 7 years of sexual abuse as a child from a foster family I was with and always made the right choices and prided myself on being a perfect wife. Somewhere I lost myself. I've always had low self esteem no matter how much my husband found me attractive, Ive always felt disgusting.

Early at my new job a coworker took interest in me and I immediately thought he was trying too hard and was immediately put off at his nonsense and wrote him off. After some time working in a 15 person office we wound up talking via IM chat for the office, nothing serious just talking friendly then it somehow turned inappropriate which I don't understand because I am a good girl, and have also been cheated on several times in the past.

This person I still can't wrap my head around what I found attractive. He had long hair that didnt ever appear to be washed/brushed, all in all a hipster pot head in all.

Things crossed the line when I had mentioned my eyes were bothering me but I had no money (they hold 2 weeks of pay) to get eye drops, he got them for me on his break and left them with a note on my desk saying to just pay him back whenever...since the office is small everyone is everyones friend and are always going to lunch together, since I couldnt break my 20 for the 8$ i owed him, I offered to buy him lunch instead to repay my debt,

The lunch was a mistake and I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. It was 30 mins long and all I did was talk about my husband and my want for a family, and he talked about how he had just left the girl he was with because he didnt want anything serious (kids).

Somehow things got even worse. He had asked me for a ride home since the co-worker that had brought him to work had left and he didnt have his bike, I asked him how far away and he said a few mins, so I figured ok whatever, then when I pulled up I didnt turn my car off and waited for him to get out, but he asked me if I wanted to come in and see how a real bachelor lived and for whatever reason I did...

Conversations I guess became more inappropriate after that seeing as how hed in his own way I guess compliment me? by saying I looked good etc, but he also got very personal about how his family abandoned him, he had no real friends or relationships and I felt sorry for him because I know how he was feeling. He eventually invited me over to hang out and see his magic card collection and stupid me went, and as we were sitting there he kissed me and then it happened. The worst thing I have ever done in my entire life. I wish I could say it happened only the once but it happened a few more times after that and I had realized he was getting way too serious about ti because I had told him I wasnt interested in anything other then a friendship because I loved my husband even though he couldnt satisfy me in bed.

He began to tell me he was telling his mom about me his friends, neighbor, and I knew it was bad so I cut off sexual communication and tried to bring it back as just friends. I eventually found out he did this with another married 22 year old women he worked with but he had told me it was just a coincidence and became more depressed and let more of his feelings and life onto me and I didnt know what to do other then be there for him because he was just as lost as I was and have been.

He got fired after we stopped messing around which made things, guilt, depression worse with him and I didnt know what to do other then to try and be his friend. I saw him a few times and even took him food shopping since he doesnt have a car.

Eventually we stopped really talking or seeing eachother until I saw he had sent me a text message after several weeks telling me he didnt want to live anymore, I didnt know what to do because I felt to blame because he had fallen for me but I didnt feel that way that I did something so bad in all aspects, I had told him my husband was leaving for alaska, I was gonna get a divorce and we could give a shot. I said this to stop him from doing something stupid until I could see him and make sure he was ok and then tell him I couldnt see him anymore and that it had to stop and he needed to get help (he has tried to kill himself).

My husband had found the text messages of what I had said and even though I didnt mean it the damage was done. As of now my husband knows everything but what I dont know is why I did this. I love my husband more then anything, we even recently were trying to have a baby, which is what I want more then anything in the world..He is my reason for living and has saved my life more then once. I love him so much and I never meant to hurt him and he doesnt trust me and everytime we go anywhere he gets so upset and I cant blame him, he even told me Im a horrible person and I couldnt agree more..

We are working through this but I cant get over the fact I dont know why I stepped outside of my perfect marriage for someone who doesnt even compare, wasnt really that nice to me and is everything I dont like. I cant even imagine my life without my husband, it makes me want to die. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, but 10 years of therapy, involuntary committed to a mental hospital, countless suicide attempts and countless meds I cant fix myself. I sabotage everything good and I dont know why. I love him and even if he forgives me I'll never forgive myself. I really just want to die and I know he does to because everyone in his life hurt him and let him down and now Im on that list when I was so highly acclaimed for not being there. I cant even look at him without wanting to kill myself. I have hurt the only person that has ever loved me and my baggage.

Please help me understand why I did this because I just dont understand, it cant just be that he doesnt satisfy me sexually...I just love him.... "

Hey nautt, i want to say sorry for such a thing to happen in your relationship.. First i want to say that what your wife did was very evil and under terms of law (biblical and secular) you would be in perfect terms to divorce her because she violated an oath she swore in front of man and God (including you and herself). cheating is very sick, no matter what the reason or motivation is it is never justified and comes from an ugly place in human beings because through it we throw away the few scraps that humanizes us like loyalty and faithfulness. You sound like your looking for a why... Only she really knows why but lets look at a few pointers

1. She mentioned how she is "disabled" being bipolor. Bipolar issues are very intuitive in underlying what kind of person she is, Bipolar people usually have a very LOW tolerance span and snap EASILY under pressure.. That pressure can be from large stress issues like financial problems to very small ones like self-esteem issues

2. Self-esteem issues She said it herself that you are "too perfect" for her or very perfect.. One thing about being in love is that you should never have to compare a spouses righteousness with your own. It must be natural to be good to your spose not conditional or comparitive. Not only did she compare you but she mentioned feeling bad about it

3.Sex Whether it was an issue with your "stuff" or something else for one reason or another she mentioned that you dont sexually satisfy her. Of course that shouldn't be a reason someone in LOVE should cheat at all on someone it definitly can be considered a factor of persuasion amongst others that maybe made her "explore" or "Indulge" in such filthy acts

Human beings are naturally inclined to evil, why? Because it is pleasurable. The adventure of sex with another person outside of marriage sparks curiosity and excitement for humans notwithstanding the consequences. We gravitate towards darkness because our core is shaped in it. Men Kill, rape, cheat, and lie to satisfy our selfish opiniated frenzy of justice. It is what religion helps us see... Your wife needs to sit in solitude for sometime and contemplate not WHY she did such things because obviously you did them to satisfy fleeting emotional fits of emotion whether attention or trauma from childhood (You mentioned "Understanding" his abandonment as a kid) but WHAT MADE you adhere to such vain emotions when you have a loving husband at home who loves you more than you can fathom

OP the "why" is not really important as nothing justifies cheating. What is important now is what you are going to do about it? Are you going to leave her? If yes, I suggest you do it asap. If not, then I recommend marriage counselling as you will need all the help you can get

First of all OP, when you get married you become a family, you are no longer boyfriend and girlfriend, maybe she is too stupid to understand that. Secondly, take pictures and screenshots of the blog and save it, you want to get a divorce and take everything. This women is a typical slutbag who deserves nothing more but a slap across the face, find yourself a good lawyer and set yourself free from this piece of trash.

" my **** is to big and hurts her.." This is a complete lie. She did it because she doesn't like having sex with you and is too scared to deal with it in a proper manner. She went for a stupid loser because her subconscious is telling her she needs to get out of her marriage. Please don't have kids with her....this proves how incompetent of a human being she really is. Get a divorce.