Hi ladies, I want to first start off by saying I require help. There was this girl I went to college with and we have both graduated. I met her my first semester there and we both transferred form different schools. I had a small crush on her the first class we had together. We talked for a bit but not heavily and once I found out she had a boyfriend I immediately stayed away for fear of being put in a friend zone situation. A year goes by where I do not see her and I have moved past this crush. However, I begin to talk to her as I did the year before and not only did I see her as the most beautiful woman in the room but I found her to be the most interesting and smart woman I had ever come across. Eventually I fixed my routine so that I would arrive where she would start her day just to get more time to talk with this amazing lady. However, she countered with not showing up at the time before class started. I should've taken that hint. However, stupidly I began talking with her through facebook chat until one day I decided I'd ask her out for coffee. I was denied but being me I thought why not ask again. She denied me a few more times and then she continued her effort to squeeze the idea out of me that she was not interested.
It wasn't until the beginning of the year she told me that not only did she have no interest in dating like she had said but also in me. Needless to say I was saddened and I tried to dislike her. In truth it only worked for a bit because I was hurt by the fact that this woman who roamed my mind constantly did not want to date me. It came back with a vengeance and it has stuck with me. I may not have vocalized it to her recently but she may know how I feel. In fact due to her intellect I would believe she knows. It has been 2 weeks since we have graduated and we have not spoken. However, I have seen pictures of her and she is on my mind constantly even when there is nothing that should have brought her up to me in the first place.
For instance one moment I heard something unrelated and it got me thinking about her. I turned to my couch and conjured an image of her. Every physical flaw that I saw but didn't bother me and in all of her true beauty sitting beside me. This fabricated but honest image of a woman that I have been unhealthily recollecting on. She was staring at the tv screen with her smile. Not a smile I have never seen her create, but the fabricated smile I have witnessed on her. A smile that stops me in my tracks and forces me to reciprocate my terrible excuse of a smile. Her giant eyes holding me like a prisoner who's glad to stay in jail. I saw that and I think why am I obsessing over someone who will not love me back and who doesn't wish to speak to me? I give so much attention when I don't even try to give attention to this incredible person. There are times where I may find another person attractive, but I could not care for that person as much as I care for this woman. And I really dislike it because it is so unhealthy. And I want to go through the right course of courting before jumping here but I'm here. I'd like to give an honest attempt though at falling in love justly. This is where I lye.
My question is this: if you knew a man who felt this way for you, knew it was wrong to feel this strongly so early, but still truly saw the faults and strengths of you; could you perhaps find it more than flattering? Could you find yourself perhaps allowing for a small second to humor a man like that and see if perhaps you could like this man in return? I'm not saying you had to fall in love with him, but could you perhaps give this man you never had a thought towards a thought?
