Issues with long distance, communication and falling in love with my boyfriend

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16-06-13, 05:27 PM
TLe

Issues with long distance, communication and falling in love with my boyfriend

My boyfriend and I had been together only for over a month but almost full time, then he had to go away for a year (attending a special class for his career, back in his home country actually, the US, it was one of his life time's plans). He just left on wednesday night. I took him to the airport and weirdly I didnt feel sad at all.

We have only dated for a short time, but we really had ups and downs, including a breakup (thought we werent compatible in sex but wanted to work it out and things worked out). When we were together, it was always the best time because we got along so well. He is the one who wanted to be exclusive, so we became committed. He introduced me to his friends and family while I havent told anyone on my side about him yet because somehow I have a feeling that we dont have a bright future.

Anyway, he is now in the timezone of 11 hours behind me, we havent got time to talk probably on skype yet except quick hello's. And because I dont really feel like to talk with him anymore (?). I dont really know why. In person, we could talk for hours and cuddle and talk and feel like we belong to each other... But now... I am not sure how to deal with communication over the long distance. I can get on computer all the time if I want, but I'd rather browse the web, facebook, (or check out his pics and profile) than talk to him (while I stay invisible on skype and keep checking if he is online). It sounds like im crazy, right ?

Im worried that we are going to lose all the connections we had. I like him a lot and need advices on how to work on this weird long distance relationship. Right now, I strongly believe that we will break up eventually before he comes back. But when I think of how happy we were together and how fun and loving he is, I have hope.

Maybe the unsuccessful relationships in my past truly ban my heart from falling in love just to not get hurt again. Everytime I think of the emotional pains I've had before, I just want to neglect this relationship. But.. he is really a good catch and serious about what he plans for me. I dont want to lose him... So please help me out :stuckup:

Another question... while a part of me wants to be exclusive on facebook and introduce him to my friends and family, the other part thinks I should not. What do you think I should do ?

Thanks for reading and sharing your oppinions.
16-06-13, 11:55 PM
4 ratties

Wtf?! You say that you don't even care about him leaving for a year. Then you say u don't even tell ur family about him cuz U see no future. But yet at the end your whining about " wah I don't want to lose him" make up your mind. You've only been together 1 tiny month. You don't even know him and now he's far away and u guys don't even talk. Id be amazed if it worked out and i don't even know whT u want so I can't give advice. Goodluck
17-06-13, 12:36 AM
VerticalMoon

My experience with being in a long distance relationship is that spending too much time talking to the other person can be just as harmful as spending too little. Then it begins to feel like a chore. Some days you may want to speak for only five minutes. Other days you may find you want to talk for several hours. It's better to heed whatever you're feeling so the conversations don't start to become too stale. You don't need to be secretive about it. Just be honest, and if both people are on the same page each should understand. If you really find yourself not wanting to invest any time into the relationship at all that can be an indication that your feelings weren't as deep as you thought.
17-06-13, 12:51 AM
TLe

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4 ratties [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Wtf?! You say that you don't even care about him leaving for a year. Then you say u don't even tell ur family about him cuz U see no future. But yet at the end your whining about " wah I don't want to lose him" make up your mind. You've only been together 1 tiny month. You don't even know him and now he's far away and u guys don't even talk. Id be amazed if it worked out and i don't even know whT u want so I can't give advice. Goodluck

Excuse me. When did I say we dont even talk ?

We havent talked much yet because of the different time zone and he just arrived home 2 days ago. You should've read my post more carefully before you said anything in such an indecent manner. I'd appreciate oppinions and advices but dont need to accept a bad attitude.

I did explain my feelings and worries. I also told that we spent over a month together almost full time and it was great. We stayed together every day and night, thats how we grew our feelings so fast. I know I have conflicts in my mind but I made it clear that I want to improve my relationship. The problems are only on my side. I dont want to lose him because obviously I like him a lot and this is an opportunity for me to be happy in love again. Thats why I seek for advices.

I would appreciate it if you dont bother to say anything here again unless you try to understand and not to swear on your post, or at least here on my thread because its not nice.
17-06-13, 01:07 AM
TLe

Quote:

Originally Posted by VerticalMoon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

My experience with being in a long distance relationship is that spending too much time talking to the other person can be just as harmful as spending too little. Then it begins to feel like a chore. Some days you may want to speak for only five minutes. Other days you may find you want to talk for several hours. It's better to heed whatever you're feeling so the conversations don't start to become too stale. You don't need to be secretive about it. Just be honest, and if both people are on the same page each should understand. If you really find yourself not wanting to invest any time into the relationship at all that can be an indication that your feelings weren't as deep as you thought.

Thanks VerticalMoon. I do feel nervous when I get to skype with him, its a weird feeling. Usually I dont like to chat on the phone either, only get to talk in necessaries. I think he is the same. He told me that chatting too much and everyday isnt a good idea unless we live together.

We actually just skyped tonight with video call for about 5 minutes, then later chatted without cam for about half an hour. And that made my night. He is always happy to talk and see me too :) I think what I should concern more is my own feeling towards him....