Do I need to end it or am I just freaking out?
Hi, I have been struggling with my relationship for a number of months now and wanted to get some outside advice because I am so confused from it all now. Basically me and my girlfriend first met when we were 18 and we lived in a shared student house together at university. We were friends first for about a year and then it developed into a sexual relationship. I was keen to make it official from the start and be a proper couple but my girlfriend didn't want to and used to deny anything was going on with us and that we were just friends. We carried on like this all though university and even though everyone that knew us knew what was going on my girlfriend continued to deny it. This used to really annoy me and we had many arguments about it but I didn't want to lose her so I just went along with it. I really dont think it was because she was ashamed of me or didnt like me or anything like that she said it was just because she didn't want things to be awkward in the house with the other people we lived with. I think because of this though I never took the relationship seriously and always assumed we would probably just break up at some point. Eventually though we started using the L word and even though the relationship still wasnt official we were in love and used to spend a lot of time together. The time came to graduate from university and I moved back home which was about an hour and a half away from my girlfriend. We carried on the relationship though and used to see each other at weekends and spoke by sms/instant messenger/phone every day. After 9 months of living apart I was unhappy at home and made the decision to move back to be with her. She still had a year of university left and so I got a job nearby and moved in with her in her student house. We then started looking for places of our own. During this time I had a bit of a freak out. It only lasted about 2 weeks but I just had this horrible feeling that we weren't meant to be together and that getting a place of our own wasn't right. I had crazy thoughts going through my head 24/7 that maybe I didn't love her enough and it wasn't a proper relationship and felt really guilty and depressed about it. After about two weeks of this my girlfriend finally confronted me and asked why I had been acting so wierd. I told her I was having doubts and wanted to break up. It was horrible, we both cried a lot and then she had to go to work and I was left at home on my own. What I had done sunk in and I instantly felt awful and knew I'd made a big mistake. I went to see her in work and said sorry and told her that I loved her and we patched it up. Anyway we ended up getting a place together and have been living with each other for 2 years now and up until about 6 months ago everything was great. We are now both 25 and have good jobs which have meant we have been able to save up some money and start looking at houses to buy together. I seem to be having the same freak out that I had before and am just constantly worried that we're not right or each other and that we should break up. I hate feeling like this and it seems very irrational. My girlfriend is an incredible person, she is good looking, devoted to me, incredibly loyal, loving and caring and we get on really well. I am attracted to her and I know I love her but something keeps eating away at me in my mind that its going to end badly. I don't know if this is just a problem with me and I have commitment issues or something or whether I should listen to these feelings and act on them. It is driving me crazy though and started to make me feel really depressed. I'm really in limbo because I don't want to break up with her and realise I've hurt and lost the love of my life but I can't carry on feeling like this either. Does anyone have any advice? Do you think I might need counselling or something?
