I am stressed and depressed, oh and also a sad bunny.

:upset:

If I could get some advice, I would be grateful. Thanks.

I love someone and have for years but I am fed up with their lying, and most of it is for no reason lying. So I went about a way to let them know I know with out coming right out and saying it, one was regarding their work position as a manager in his work office and that he shouldn't be dating his subordinates and that he doesn't want to be inappropriate and start gossip.

I was being helpful and a upset B all in one, love them but come on if you want to date co workers tell em the truth and let me have some kind of resolution about my feelings for you and move on because I have the truth from them. But no, they only got PO'd. But let know, bingo, I was right. I knew I was because others work in same office building and see him at lunch at a local work eatery spot. Then I commented on a random throw out regarding a co worker, one I know he knows but he denied to me when asked. Why lie, why not be honest and go ok, you got me, this is the truth, what do you want to do. But he won't because if he says truth I will move on, but I feel I am being kept around by him by him hiding things. I don't want others telling me or me finding out off others, why can't he be honest? After my work comment I am now not allowed to work mail him, lol? because: HE THINKS it READ IT AND HIS BOSS WILL FIND OUT WHAT HE IS DOING WITH THE 9-10 YR YOUNGER THAN HIM CO WORKERS *SIGHS I feel not only he broke my trust with love for him but even as a friend to him.

Am I over reacting, or if you ask someone pointed q's should they be honest? I think I am the only person in his life outside of his older sister who calls him on his BS, and he doesn't like it because he wants everyone to think he is the perfect caring guy. And when I point out things that don't back it up, he has a fit. He will be 30 in few months.

How do I not cry about losing someone I did love as a person and friend and stop thinking about him and how he never could be honest with me?
I feel stupid because they aren't affected by me at all and here I am all broke up over this. I wish sometimes I didn't have any sort of care factor either, and was a cold unloving person, least then I could get on with things and not dwell.

He says now he cannot trust me, lol that is rich. When he is one lying and all I am doing is calling him out on those lies.

Is there some kind of stop thinking about them mantra I could tell myself to drop it all from my mind. Sorry if this post doesn't make sense can ask me questions if you need to understand better.:sad2:

I'm very confused. Are you his girlfriend? Or are you the co-worker? Or are you both?

Why are you telling him that he shouldn't date a co-worker? Did he ask for your advice or are you his manager? Or are you interfering in his personal life?

Why do you love him? Considering his lies and that you don't approve of his behaviour, I'm wondering what makes you love him. (not a rhetorical question - tell us why you love him)

Should he be honest? Well, that's up to him. He can lie if that's what he wants to do....but by the same token, none of us have to keep a liar around us.

I am the only girl he is intimate with according to him. But not technically his gf but we were once engaged. He tells me that he loves me as well. But he could be telling 100s that too, I wouldn't know nit like he is honest. But he says he doesn't tell anyone else he loves them. I think it bothers me because of our past and if that past didn't exist I could go away and not look back, but I would miss him. But I feel like being upset on the lies is destroying the good in me. It isn't healthy.

No we don't work together, never have. I have friends who work in the same big office building though and lunch in similar locations, I am on other side of city and cannot lunch with him.

Because he is their boss, and does sexual harassment work with his company. So is iffy for him to date a subordinate, imo plus older women in his office areas already do not like him and filed complaints about his smugness so he doesn't need the hassles. I was being a friend and a B as well because he lies about dating people he is working with, out right says he never has only once when 210 and was an HR person. So those are reasons it bugs me most.

He asks me similar q's about my personal life too. So not one side but dif is I am honest and do not lie to him. I only expect the same back :(

What I wrote in beginning part is why I still love him and I did want to marry him but one of us moved away during that time and keeping up a LD relationship was hard. Wasn't because lack of love. Love him because I always felt he understood me better than anyone else, including my family...so if so they he would know how much keeping me hanging on is hurting me... Lots of back story but would be too much for me to type out.

I agree with you, is my own doing by allowing him to have any kind of grip. I see he won't ever change, it is impossible he is happy with who and how he is. I just in my heart I feel maybe he will if he loves me and knows how much it hurts me. I feel pathetic. 100 % he doesn't cry about me, that is for sure. He won't be making himself sick for one minute thinking about all I think about. And I feel shut down even expressing it, bc oh here comes the punishments of me question what an awesome guy everyone else thinks he is :(

Thank you for replying. Hope my answers helped explain it more. Looks a bit jumbled to me, but that is most of it.

hun a relationship is supposed to be fun and loving. Look at you. You are miserable. This guy has no respect for you, no empathy for your feelings, he walks all over you and you let him. Are you happy to be f**k buddies to a guy you were once engaged to? Why have you not already walked away?

I think counselling would greatly benefit you. You are a typical co-dependant doormat. Did you know you can get help for that? And help to find the strength and courage to leave him?

You have to love yourself more than him or the relationship. It doesn't matter how much you love him. He is not making you happy and you need to make your happiness a priority.

There are much better men in the world. Stop settling for second best. You need to dump him, be firm, stand your ground and dont allow him to come back. You just have to stay strong. I know it will hurt for awhile and you are afraid of the pain but its only temporary. Time heals everything. You just have to be strong now and just do it

Take control of your life, your happiness and your future. You will be really proud of yourself when you do and then you can watch him squirm and beg and plead like you have done for so long and laugh in his face as you tell him to go and f**k himself. You are worth more. You just need to believe it

Michelle I would thank your posts but the thanks button isn't showing on your posts, idk why. I'll click rep thing instead. Thank you.

No, this isn't fun because I always run through all the scenarios about what he could be lying about and then I start getting hurt, cry or mad at him and then myself. Is to point it has affected my sleep and health. I don't see it as **** buddies, bc I still love him, but if I knew he was 100% ****ing others, there would be know why I would ever be intimate with him again. He knows this and I am sure it is why he lies to me about things, because I will walk away if I know for sure. No, he doesn't have too much empathy, calls me a suspicious **** and paranoid about it.

But how can I be his doormat if I am the only person in his life ever calling him on his bullshit and lies outside of his older sister. Always says I am the only one who talks to him that way. He is used to being praised. I never had therapy before, but I wouldn't not go and do it either. If it could help I would do it.

Worse thing is he makes me feel guilty for even questioning him. If he told the truth I could walk away with full closure and that he at least cared enough to be honest. It is hard for to walk away w/o him being fully honest. I know it is as much me letting him always back in that is hurting me too, not only him. I see that, gf's said things similar to what you have. Is there a way to just not care and say to myself, that is what he is, relax? and not feel angered or hurt, or you think best way is to tell him F O and move on, not even be friends?
Thank you. Puts lots of thoughts into my head. That is good for me.

Find proof and then dump him. Hire a private investigator if thats what it takes to move on. Anyway why do you need proof of him cheating? Even if he is not cheating-his lying should be enough to make you walk away. You forgive his lies over and over again, you allow him to manipulate you into thinking there is something wrong with you, that you should feel guilty for questioning him. That is why i called you a doormat coz you dont love or respect yourself enough to tell him to f**k off and because you dont have the self confidence and self assurance to follow your instincts and tell yourself "I am right he is wrong and I am walking".

You come across as a nice girl, you have given other people on here some great advice and you are obviously a smart bunny. You deserve better than this and you know it so what are you waiting for?

I have tried to find proof, boy have I tried. Other than those weird female lunch dates that is all I know because he won't admit to anything I ask, and I am not shy about asking him stuff. He just makes me feel like a paranoid loser when I am not that way I really feel something isn't right and if so he shouldn't tell me he loves me anymore, because actions say otherwise. Like it is only words to him, means zilch! I wish one of his male buddies would just rat him out, some don't like me so why not tell me and end it all, make the boys happier too, lol.
He said whenever I ask stalking comes up which I shoot down as in how the hell am I stalking you I am in a "relationship" with you, you say you love me, I don't drive and I don't pop up at your home or work, and I ask you directly all things I want to know. But he doesn't like my friends see him and tell me things. Feels I have lil spies. I don't they just don't like him for me is all. When I ignore him because upset that is when I get the 10 calls, trying to see what is going on. If I pull back he pulls forward, if I pull forward he pulls back.

I don't mind you said doormat, I know I am lame for not walking away and still loving him, I list a lot of his bad but obv he has good qualities enough to keep me around and saying I love him, and it isn't the sex I could do without the sex and feel the same way tbh. I agreed long ago when he moved to break up but then he came back home and we re started up. Obviously this was a bad decision for me.

Thank you for the kind words about me *hugs* Is nice to see and read. When I get the guts to do right by me I will come back and update, promise.

He is using you for sex

you are being used and abused

@ toyboy, not really, but we do have sex. I don't go over for booty calls, never have, I don't drive or live close enough, lol. And when ever we are intimate it is my choice too. I could do w/o the sex as much as the lies with him. I would like to know if he is having sex with others tho, so then I can have closure.