Anxious, and I don't know how to stop!!

I'm 23, and have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years.

Since we met we've been inseparable. He has become my best friend and I consider him the love of my life.

He had a flirty personality with other girls when we first started dating, and I expressed how it made me uncomfortable and he stopped. Also more recently I told him that it makes me uncomfortable when i see him 5-6 nights a week and he'd watch porn on the night we aren't together. I told him how it made me feel kind of bad, like I wasn't giving him what he needed, and he stopped without hesitation and said it was just something to do when he was bored before bed. That's basically the biggest issues we've ever had.

We do argue, we're not perfect. He has a tendency to become frustrated quickly and sometimes he will speak without thinking. I have a terribly habit of worrying endlessly about everything.


Last spring he started a new job. Its seasonal, and VERY busy during the summer. 10-13 hour days, which includes OT on his own time. It was an adjustment and we almost broke up because we weren't sure how to manage our schedules and maintain the relationship. We talked it about it and neither of us wanted to break up. The last year has been great, He went away on a trip this winter and I was able to join him for almost 3 weeks, and he came back this spring to start work again. This year has been busier than ever. Meanwhile, I have always been anxious about him maybe meeting another girl, me not making him happy, I'm always worried that something will change. I try not to bring it up because I know my worrying isn't because of anything.


Between the stress of his job, me always wanting all of his time , and my worrying, a few weeks ago he really blew up and was saying he wasnt sure if this was going to work, "You deserve better than me"... not sure about our future...

I was heartbroken. It took him about 2 hours before I got the texts from him saying he didn't mean it, and did not want to break up. We talked about it, I am guilty of smothering him in his already busy schedule, and I agreed to give him some space on his own, we arent married or living together just yet. Ever since that happened I've felt So anxious that he is "trying to work it out" because I did not want to break up - even though i have asked him and he's told me he wouldn't stay with me if He didnt want to be with me. I get worried that he might not want to break my heart, or is waiting for something better to come along. I am physically attractive, but my self esteem and confidence has been a little low for a while now - and I'm sure its causing problems.

Also, he has never given me any reason to believe he would cheat on me. Even at the beginning stages of our relationship, he flirted a bit but it was always pretty harmless, and it stopped as we became more serious.He doesnt have many girl friends, he doesnt even really have girls numbers in his phone. He never really has. So I don't have that to worry about. Lately I have been so worryied than in this time he spends unwinding before bed by himself that there is another girl who he is interested in. When he told me I deserved better that just made me fear the worst. He is at work alot, and otherwise with me. So I really dont even know when he would have the time or energy but it's affecting me. HE is trying to make up for the things he said and is trying to prove himself, and I just keep pushing him away every time I bring this stuff up he feels like I don't trust that he loves me, and that I don't trust him that he wouldnt cheat.


I feel awful. I love him. I get he was stressed out and sleep deprived and just plain fed up when we had our big argument - but I still would never say any of that to him. How do I cope with this anxiety and stop thinking the worst case scenario is going to happen? It hurts him alot when I think this way, and It hurts me just as much to worry.