It Was All For Her, Everything.
The question is a simple one. Do I pursue her, or do I move on? My story:
It all started four years ago our freshman year. It was September, when I first saw her. She was waiting to be picked up from school and I was walking home. I couldn't stop staring at her, I don't know what it is about her but I'm drawn to her. Over the next few days I tried talking to her, and found out her name was Ali. Beautiful isn't it? Ali was reluctant to talk to me because I wasn't a "popular kid" but eventually she gave in and we became best friends. Of course, I wanted to be more than friends with her and I tried my hardest to win her heart. We talked about "us" a few times but she didn't want a relationship with me. Or so I thought. A different girl started talking to me and I ended up dating her because I thought Ali would never want me. This is where it all falls apart.
Ali was devastated that I had moved onto another girl and she never told me until 6 months later at the beginning of Sophomore year. I recieved a drunk phone call from her on Halloween night and she was drunk and told me she loved me and that if I broke up with the girl I was dating, we could be together. She was drunk, so I told her no and remained with my girl friend. I later found out Ali had become a crazy party girl, and lived the party lifestyle and it was a result of the new guy she started dating who dragged her into it. I've always blamed myself for her becoming a wreckless alcoholic at such a young age because if I had taken her back that night none of that would have ever happened.
Fast forward to the end of sophomore year, I get a text from the girl I had been dating for a year and some months confessing to me that she had cheated on me our entire relationship and wanted to break up. I was devastated. What I thought was right was a lie all along and I had missed out on Ali. I called Ali up a week later and told her all that had happened and that I wanted to see her again that summer so we made plans for a first date. Then a second, and then a third after our first kiss. After that kiss I knew she was it. She was worth two years of heartbreak.
We kept making dates and I was falling harder and harder everytime and one day she told me this would never work. That we are from two different social classes. She was popular, and I was just a guy with a dream. She told me she didn't care, but her friends would never except me into their group. She told me I never partied and that our lives were in different worlds. For the next year we were on and off again and through out senior year as well.
The dire problem now: She got a scholarship to play soccer at a college and my band is making a record and touring next year. We will be truely apart for the next four years. It scares me because in college, people go and often meet the people they're going to marry and that scares the hell out of me... So in a last ditch effort I tried to salvage our old feelings this past week by throwing an elaborate party every night. Parties so crazy, people will be talking about them for years to come. I invited her to every single one but last night I lost control. I got very upset with her when she didn't want to stand next to me and words were exchanged and she left the house. I ran down the street after her and I tried to apologize and get her to come back in.
Thats when she told me she couldn't do this anymore. She's sick of breaking my heart and letting me down, she told me what happened in the past would never be rekindled again. That our lives were separating and I needed to accept the people we have become. She told me I should be happy that now I'm living my dream of recording and touring with my band and that in a few years I'll be famous. She told me she wasn't worth the trouble and I broke down at that moment. I told her I created the band freshman year so that she'd think I'm cool, and that all the parties, were for her. So we could be together and dance the night away like on prom night. I told her the last four years were for her, and that if you walk away from this now, everything I am today will have been for nothing.
She's all I want. She's everything. Do I walk away and try to put my life back together? Or do I pursue more? My dad always told me "go where the music takes you" and all the music I ever made was for her. I'm at a loss as to what to do, how I can fix the past because I know deep down this is right. I just don't know what to do.
And that's why all my friends call me Gatsby. Jay Gatsby.
