Taking it slow

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08-07-13, 08:08 PM
ktk

Taking it slow

I come from a past relationship with a narcissist girl, that trapped me for a while, also after the break up.
Almost 6 months passed now, and I still didn't recover my confidence 100%.

In March, I've met this girl in a club in another city in Poland (I live in Germany, really close to the Polish border).
She looked really cute but also really interesting and calm, balanced person.
I connected with her friends as well, they were really nice as well, so I ended up having her contact and her friends contact as well, especially her best male friend that is a cool guy and we have the same taste in music and he is not a "competitive" straight man so I really like him.
When I went back in my city i wrote to her that she looked really interesting as a person.

In May, her friend writes me that they were coming to my city because she had an interview for a job here. I said they could stay to my place, and she sends me a really sweet message that I didn't really expected, showing some interest but in a really non obvious flirty way.
We had a nice time, nothing happened but she got the job.

She moved here 2 weeks ago, and we started seeing each others.
The connection was big, she is a really smart girl and I consider her a good fit.
At the second date she came to my place, and I tried to kiss her.
She said that she was a slow girl, she didn't expect that and she wanted to see how this goes. I told her that i'd like to take the risk to date her because I really liked her, being really open about that. When we said goodbye she gave me another date.
We met for dinner at mine, but she had to cancel it because something external happened, I showed her my disappointment since I had to cancel another thing for this, and she told me I am like a lady. When we said goodbye I kissed her on the neck and gave her an envelope with an handwritten note about something we were joking about the second date.

I met her again yesterday because she asked me (she writes me every day to know how was my day and it's really nice) she looked a bit nervous, but then she relaxed and we had a long chat.

My fear is obviously being friendzoned, I think I can share a lot with her and I believe that taking it slow is a good thing, but also I dont want to finish in the tricky situation where this thing goes on forever.
Also I don't understand why she would continue actively searching for me after i told her that i liked her, if she was not interested.

What do you think about it?
08-07-13, 10:07 PM
Wakeup

I think she's a smart girl who doesn't want to jump into bed with a guy that she most likely sees some potential in. Just keep dating her while making sure you keep showing your romantic and sexual interest in her. Take her out to do something other then eat at your place so that she can relax without thinking your main concern is to get her into your bed.

You can take her even for a nice walk through an interesting park and give her a kiss that she knows won't lead to you attempting to speed along right into your bed ;) Doing something like that lets her know you're wanting more then to be her male girlfriend but it's safe and romantic.
08-07-13, 10:27 PM
ktk

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think she's a smart girl who doesn't want to jump into bed with a guy that she most likely sees some potential in. Just keep dating her while making sure you keep showing your romantic and sexual interest in her. Take her out to do something other then eat at your place so that she can relax without thinking your main concern is to get her into your bed.

You can take her even for a nice walk through an interesting park and give her a kiss that she knows won't lead to you attempting to speed along right into your bed ;) Doing something like that lets her know you're wanting more then to be her male girlfriend but it's safe and romantic.

Thanks a lot!
Yes she is really smart and I respect her a lot for this.
She came to my place just twice, and we mostly hang out in parks, but now I'm scared to make a move since i was rejected :)
I thought to go for a kiss but not french kiss just to show her I'm still interested sexually but I dont want to force the situation..
08-07-13, 10:59 PM
Wakeup

Quote:

Originally Posted by ktk [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks a lot!
Yes she is really smart and I respect her a lot for this.
She came to my place just twice, and we mostly hang out in parks, but now I'm scared to make a move since i was rejected :)
I thought to go for a kiss but not french kiss just to show her I'm still interested sexually but I dont want to force the situation..

You can take it slow. Start by holding her hand or putting your arm around her waist as you're walking. All small but certainly good "tells" that you're looking to be more then her platonic friend. You should be able to tell when she'll be open to getting a nice kiss from you.
09-07-13, 12:35 AM
ktk

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You can take it slow. Start by holding her hand or putting your arm around her waist as you're walking. All small but certainly good "tells" that you're looking to be more then her platonic friend. You should be able to tell when she'll be open to getting a nice kiss from you.

Thanks again I'll definitely try that.
I think also she knows what I'm looking for since I told her.. but yes I will totally up for some cuddles :)
12-07-13, 02:59 AM
ktk

Some updates on the situation: I told her I wanted the chance of missing her, in a cute way, so its been some days we dont hang out, and I actually I realised how clear I was about wanting a romance with her.
She totally knows I dont want just to sleep with her, and that I'm interested in something more.
I think taking it slow really means I'm not sure, her excitement swings a lot and I think she is spontaneously interested but still not sure about making a big decision.
I've never reached this number of dates without kissing, not that we have a deadline, but I also think that her mixed signals are a bit too much sometimes.
She's really lovely and smart but also confused so I decided to pause this thing for a while and see if she reaches me.
Any idea how to handle that?
I think a separate weekend and also being really into my things instead of being always present when she wants is a good way, also for myself.