How to tell her that we need to talk?
Hey all
Please don't be scared by this insanely long post. I've included cliff notes at the bottom, and I realize that not many if any at all will even read all of this, but it helped putting it down on paper so I'll leave it there for people to read if they want...
Here goes:
I've had a couple of threads on here already about this girl from work that I'm head over heels in love with, lets call her Jessie. To sum it up, she's 29 and has a kid who just turned 6 while I'm only 22. The last half a year or so we've become REALLY close friends and spent a lot of time together. We've ended up in bed together a couple of times after partying too...
The last time she told me, in the middle of the act, that she really didn't want to do this because we had agreed upon only being friends. We've flirted and made out a couple of times since, but never taken it further because of this.
I've made it obvious to her that I was interested in being more than friends (without actually telling her, though) and had decided on taking it slow since I know she has to think about her son which I fully understand. As I said, we've spent a lot of time together doing all kinds of stuff, generally having a good time and flirting when partying, so I was under the impression that things were going along fine and that she'd eventually be ready to be more than friends.
Then this weekend we were at a big festival party (we're talking 10,000+ people from all around the local area). I live some distance from the town the party was at, so I didn't meet quite as many old friends there as she did, but we were there with a lot of people from work, so that was no problem; I was having some beer talking to colleagues while she was going around talking to old friends.
Then suddenly, I see her in the other end of the party-tent making out with another guy (who I later found out was an old friend of hers from school).
Boy, did it hurt inside when I saw that! I had to go outside to deal with what I just saw, so I told the people I was talking to that I had to go to the bathroom and left. Apparently another colleague (I'll call her Beth) had seen my reaction and turned around and seen Jessie with the other guy too, so she followed me outside.
Beth is a friend of us both, and she told me outside that she had been wondering for a while if we had something going on between us. She said that she fully understood how hard it must be for me seeing Jessie with that other guy, and convinced me to follow her back inside to rejoin the other colleagues. I wasn't really in a party mood anymore though.
After a while Jessie comes back to our table and the three of us talk for a bit (like nothing had happened). Then as I'm saying something to Beth, Jessie suddenly leaves going straight to the other guys table where she practically jump him and start to make out again. I look at Beth, and I was ready to break out in tears but managed to hold it back, because no other colleagues knew about me and Jessie (most had a feeling there was something between us though).
A couple of minutes later Jessie returns to our table, bringing the other guy. They go straight to where I sit and she tells him who I am (a colleague), and that I was "the best". I look at him, give him the hand and say hello. Then I stand up, and pull Jessie aside telling her that I'd like her to come outside with me for a bit because I had something I'd like to tell her. She tells me that I can tell her later tonight (we had already made plans to sleep in a tent in another colleagues garden). I insist that she come outside with me, but she wont. I then leave on my own.
Again Beth follows me outside and tell me that we should take a walk so we could talk a bit. I end up pouring my heart out to Beth about how I feel about Jessie. I've never told anyone before, except this board, but she was very understanding and it really helped talking to someone about it.
She told me that I had to tell Jessie how I really felt, and I have no doubt that she was/is right. We agreed that our conversation would stay between us (she had told me some very private things too, that she didn't want anyone else to know about), and decided that we needed to go and try to have some fun, so we went on a few trips in the bumper cars, but I really wasn't able to enjoy myself :(
Later in the evening we met up with some of the other colleagues who are leaving for some bars. They're the people we normally hang out with so we join them. Jessie is with them too, and she told me she had been looking for me because I had wanted to talk to her earlier.
As we walk to the bars I tell her that I have more feelings for her than she know of, and she replies that she already knew. I tell her that I want to be more than her friend, but she says that we shouldn't because I was to good for her, and I took to much shit from her.
I told her that I had no right to interfere with what she was doing as long as we were only friends, but she said that she wasn't ready for a relationship with the reason that she was "too much of a *****" and didn't want to mess me up. I don't recall the rest of our conversation clearly, but it ended as we arrived at the bar with me telling her that she should always put her son before anything else and she replied that she always would.
For some reason we didn't continue the conversation after entering the bar, but I don't think that's such a bad thing because we were both very drunk at this point. We spent the rest of the evening at various bars partying as nothing had happened (although the episode was on my mind the whole time).
The next day, I had planned on talking things through with her, but before the opportunity came, a friend of hers came over so we just spent the day trying to cure our hangovers, before I went home.
A couple of days have passed now, but I can't seem to get this out of my mind. I haven't been myself since that evening, and I'm thinking about her all the time. People around me have noticed this too, and in my department at work they even talked about how quiet I was this Monday but I was able to make up a plausible excuse for that (they practically made it for me, I just agreed).
I don't feel that Jessie and I've texted each other as much the last couple of days as we used to either, but that could also just be me worrying too much.
I've realised that I need to talk this through with her, but I don't want to do it over the phone, at work or while her son is there (and she probably wouldn't want to either), so I have to wait until next week :(
The last couple of days I've been reading some in the break-up section, and even though this is not a break-up since we haven't even officially been together, I'm thinking that I might have been too clingy lately. It has mostly been me asking her if we should do stuff together and not the other way around.
I think it might be a good idea if I let her initiate things for a while, but I really need to talk things through with her.
Does anyone have any advice on how to tell her that I need to have a talk? Just dropping by is not an option since she works late hours next week and she lives about 30 miles away from me.
CLIFF NOTES: Best friends with the the girl of my dreams, and thought I was making progress towards being more than friends. Saw her making out with another guy at a party. Haven't been myself ever since, because I'm thinking about it and her all the time. Need advice on how to tell her that I need to talk...
