For Those Who think thye wont find TRUE LOVE...
For those who think they will never find true love or have a relationship.
Ok so I have been in Gaia for a year now, and I have been floating around the LIFE ISSUES forum and seeing countless threads about some of you, who believe you will never find “That special someone” all of you, guys and girls have been creating threads and spilling your problems and what not…so
I thought I would let you all know what I have gone through, it may be the same as what you are in now or what you have been through as well, but I hope that this true story of my love life will show you all that you CAN find true love and that you shouldn’t give up!.... I hope it’s gets you all to re-consider giving up on it…
RAIN’S STORY
Ever since I stepped foot in the world of school, I had been teased and pushed around, we all have haven’t we? Everyone is teased no matter what the issue we are all teased by someone who just loves to see the pain of others suffering, they are either jealous or just pure dickheads and are too bored to blame or accuse themselves.
I use to wear glasses back in primary school, the left lens were very thick… why?.. Because I was a pre-mature baby!, I was born 10 weeks earlier that what I was suppose to, almost died and almost killed my mother in the process but… NO ONE CARED! ... They just went on and teased and the shit out of me!.
I was only young, ever since grade One, I hadn’t had one school day where I was not to be teased. So I suffered it like a lot of us did or Are.
So through primary school I went on, grade 6 was here which was where I was teased about something else!
MY LOOKS!
“You’re so ugly”
They would say to me, face to face. Almost every boy in my class would say it some how, either in a letter, sign language or abusing me.
So I had to put up with that for a year… in which made my Low self-esteem so ****ing low, I swear I hated myself so badly.
So there i, hated myself and everyone around me besides my friends, who would try and support me but nothing worked… until I was suddenly asked out by someone… He said he liked me… Stupid of me…I didn’t ask why he liked me.
So I dated him, this is in grade 7.
Soon to find out that he was using me for one thing that EVERYONE wishes to have, EVERYONE loved and EVERYONE envied me because of it….
My Talent to draw!
I could draw so quickly, if someone said “Can you draw me Tweety” I would grab a pen and draw it, taking me less that three minutes…soon I’d have a ****ing’ crowd around me asking for a character to be drawn for them…
At first I didn’t mind it… but soon it started to really piss me off, almost EVERYDAY I was asked for a picture to be drawn…
So there I was standing…
Being used for my talent, now that I think about it, its probably one of the reason why I had friends back then.
So boy after boy, using me and using me
I really hated my life….i absolutely hated it, surprisingly suicide wasn’t me…because if it were I wouldn’t still be here, but I thank god I didn’t….
So grade 7, I was YET AGAIN used for something ELSE!!....
The boy wanted to get down my ****ing pants….
HOW TYPICAL!
Ok I am thin, and I have a good body to boys!...
So…
I was used by EVERY MALE I went out with, for my talent and my ****ing Virginity!...
I remember, I was single and was currently at a friends place…and my Ex came around my friends place because he was riding around, he was talking about when he remembered meeting my friend and turned to me and said:
“Your Ugly… aren’t you Rain?”
I looked at him…I just nodded… “Ahuh!”
The amount of times I have been told it, I then believed it and took it in!...
I didn’t care any more, I just shrugged it off… the only man that had ever told me that I was beautiful was my Dad! Of course!.
So I once again just hated myself more and more….
Until…I just stopped and hid in my own shadows, staying away from every male possible, I didnt speak to any of them I just stayed out of there way and stopped….
High School came.
Where I hated myself EVEN MORE!
Still It didn’t stop…
Being called ugly, stupid, dumb, nothing I though I might had been away from it, but I just entered a door where more of it came at me.
So Grade 8 was just shit torture for me all over again.
Déjà vu All over again!.. even though I wear contact lens now!.
Grade 9…. NOPE still didn’t end!..... still the same shit!...
Grade 10… I was called ‘Mullet’ by ALL of the guys in my class because my hair was down???....WTF IS THAT??? All I had was my hair down I didn’t put it because I couldn’t be ****ed….. so everyday I would walk into class and they would all say “Hey! Mullet”….. JUST BULLSHIT!..... soon I had a crush on a gorgeous man, he was someone I liked a lot!...his smile just made me smile, his laugh made me laugh… I really liked him… but did I ask him out? NO I didn’t because of the shit I have been through I didn’t!...i just kept my feelings inside of me and watched him fade away from me…
We didn’t talk much but I still liked him a lot.
Grade 11….
I started to come out of my shadow, I didn’t get any one teasing me…I didn’t understand it…so I gradually came out of my shadow, noticing that the man I had a crush on in grade 10 was in my class again!......
Soon I was laughing and mucking around, letting everyone see the Real Rain that had been hidden for so long.
Everyone started to notice me now, I would runs around humming the SWAT theme ( I am a HUGE Michelle Rodriguez fan)…in which EVERYONE knew, even the boys of my class, in which the majority of them all became my friends!. This was the first time I had ever had a large group of boys as my friends who liked how CRAZY and WARPED my sense of humor was, I was happy.
One week of this year most of the class had to go on Work Experience, only me and 3 of the boys where at school for the whole week, in which one of them was the guy I had a crush on.
Soon I would start a conversation with him….i remember…
“Which Resident Evil character do you like the most?”
I asked him whilst he sat down and talked about bombs with his other 2 mates.
I think he answered me with “Alice!”
Soon after that, I realized he liked RESIDENT EVIL in which was a huge Obsession for me at the them, so then….
We started to become close friends.
Talking on MSN every second night…
Sometimes he would ask if I was online when he wasn’t sure, soon I started to tell him personal stuff about myself as he did as well, soon we were best friends, I’d give him hugs if I didn’t have a class with him after lunch or whatever…
Everyone was good, I really loved to see all of them at school and muck around and finally by myself and not to be teased.
Though our friend ship was great but I fell in love with him, I felt nothing but pain when I’d look at him, I had never felt these feelings for a man before, it was just so painful…
I LOVED HIM!
I wanted to tell him but I couldn’t seem to bring myself to it, almost every night I’d cry myself to sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about him, I was in love with someone I couldn’t have.
I couldn’t have him, he didn’t like me that way, I hated it!.... I hated being in love with someone who didn’t like me the same way, I hated it so much.
Almost through the year now, I decided to tell him… we were both on MSN one night and I told him by a letter….
In which he told me something I couldn’t believe…
He felt the same way..
He also liked me, but he didn’t want a relationship why?...
Because he has a dream that might ruin everything between us…
So I dealt with that….
Soon we both become closer and closer friends, telling each-other how “Cute” we are to each-other…
I just couldn’t believe that someone like him who is so perfect likes someone like me…
I couldn’t place my finger around it…
So then we both hated the holidays because we couldn’t see each other as much as we do at school until he asked to go to LAN WORLD with him, in which I of course went…
It was a fun day playing COUNTER-SRIKE with him and the other boys he went with…
The bus ride home, we both jumped on and took a seat….
I just sat there, thinking about him. in which to him I looked sad…
He wrapped his left arm around me and pushed me closer to him…
My heart hammered inside my chest, I couldn’t believe he just did it…. I looked up at him..
“Why do you look so sad?”
He asked me…
I couldn’t get myself together to answer him…I finally caught my breathe and answered him, resting my head slightly on his chest..
After that….
He asked me out….
That moment I couldn’t believe my ears nor my eyes….
The man I fell in love with was finally in my arms….
Ever since that day!....
He had told me everyday he loves me,……and I believe him…
He doesn’t love me for my talent he doesn’t even acknowledge it, and I am so happy about that, he tells me everyday how “Beautiful” I am to him, after 17 years of pain I had finally been healed by the one I love…
It’s been 5 months and 2 weeks since then….
And I have never been so happy in my life….
So hopefully all of you that have been in my situation can hopefully see what I am trying to get through to you all, those who think that you wont find that special someone or wont have a steady relationship….
DON’T GIVE UP….
I had tried to give up on the one I love because I thought he would NEVER love me the way I loved him and now look…
You will find someone, maybe not now or soon but you will, and when you do…you have to thank Rain for telling you her story about it….. and getting it through your heads!...because…LOVE HURTS!...BUT IT’S ALL WORTH IT IN THE END!...
If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. Everything happens for a reason.
Thanks,
Rain!.
