I was in an LDR for about 6 months with a guy who I loved very much. He wasn't very nice to me though. He would complain that I wouldn't give him enough attention, but when we would skype, he would ignore me and game and talk obnoxiously with his friends instead. He was also always horny, and would get annoyed if I wasn't in the mood to dirty talk. If something went wrong, or beyond out control, he'd blame me. Sounds horrible, right? The thing that made me crazy about him is that he is good with words, and when he would treat me all lovey-dovey, he would make me feel like I'm special, and he cares about me.
He dumped me in February, and I've been a mess since then, although I HAVE gotten better. He left me because he said he wanted something "physical and real." I totally get the fact that LDR's are hard without the physical aspect, but this is a guy who is crazy about sex and would mount and do anything with a vagina.
5 days later after he dumped me, he got a new girlfriend. They dated on/off. And now, he has a new girlfriend he got last week. We don't talk as much, but when we do talk he always tries to weasel dirty pictures out of me. Even a couple weeks after he dumped me. Throughout our relationship, he would add beautiful women on facebook and like all of their pictures, but he would constantly tell me that I could not flirt with any men other than him. His jealousy was so intense, that he didn't even like the fact of me hanging out with guy friends who were gay or had girlfriends. I know this sounds silly, but the fact that he kept adding local models and sexy college students to his facebook brought my self esteem down to an all time low. It made me feel ugly, unwanted, uninteresting and jealous. He still continues to do this, only he's added some of my pretty female friends on Facebook too.
I'm not sure what I should do. I deleted his number from my phone. I don't really want to delete him from Facebook because that's really the only thing left we'd have to communicate with. It's hard see his girlfriend post to his profile, saying how amazing he is and how she loves to spend the night with him, blah blah blah. It kills me, really. But at the same time, just seeing his name pisses me off. The only reason I feel like I need to keep him on is hoping one day he will see what he missed out on with me, and maybe we could try again. He said "maybe we can try this again in a year or two" when he dumped me.
I don't know, something tells me I deserve someone so much better. I've been really focusing on myself the past months. Starting dieting and doing my favorite hobbies which helps. I still get in lovesick rutt over him, usually every night before I go to bed. I hate him, but I love him. I want to just hit him as hard as I can, I want him to feel the pain he put me through. I want to tell him how angry he makes me and how much I love(d) him and how much he hurt me. I'm penting up all of my anger and sadness and depression, because my friends do not like to hear me talk about it. They just simply say "He's an a**hole, you can do better" But the thing is, I know I can do better. It's just the healing process that's hard. Please tell me what should I do?