Leaving my wife.. need help (serious only please)

Hey everybody, I need some serious help from those that can intelligently contribute. The issue I am facing, is leaving my wife, and I would like some advice on how to proceed, what to do, what to say, what to look out for, etc.

A little background

I have known my wife since I was 10. She is my best friends cousin, so we have been around eachother since we were kids. So basically, her parents are like an aunt and an uncle for me. I got out of a REALLY serious 5 year relationship in 2000, and my heart was devistated. To be honest, I have only really been over her for the last year, MAYBE 2. (yes, it took me 3 years)

Anyway, right after this serious breakup with this girl, I started dating my wife. I told her early on that I would need a lot of time to get over what I had just gone through, so to give me time, so nothing was serious at all. After 6 or 7 months, it started to get serious, and we were moving on like a normal couple. It was approaching the end of her last year in college a year and a half later, and I was kind of under pressure to marry. The only thing I knew, was that I didnt' want to be alone. So I bought a ring, and asked.

Through the entire year engagement, I slowly but surely started to lose feelings for her, but not comlpetely. I thought maybe it was cold feet? Whatever the case, I felt somewhere down deep inside she wasn't the right person for me. I wasn't even that happy on our wedding day. I now realize that I was on the rebounds of all rebounds, which apparently lasted a really really long time. I don't feel loved, I am not IN love, but now I finally feel like getting on track to finding somebody that I CAN fall in love with, it just unfortnately isn't my wife. This marriage was obviously a huge mistake.

Anyway, we have been married for 1 year, and things have gotten really bad. I now realize, that I don't even love her, and most of the time we don't even really get along. All we do is argue and bicker, and our love life is horrible. I am definitly the commitement type of guy, but not at the sake of complete unhappyness. So the last 3 or 4 months I have been seriously considering leaving, and I just recently made up my mind. I am just miserable.

The problem I face are
A) only making it a year (no big deal, just looks bad?)
B) her family is like my second family (good-bye to them I suppose?)
C) I work with her father (oh crap...)
D) hurting somebody that i care about (again.. I have to do what makes me happy)
E) splitting property and pets

Can anybody chime in and let me know what you think? Ideas on how to do this, timing?, etc... I would really appreciate it.

You have been married for one year, and for one-third of your married life you have been considering leaving her, and later write that you will be hurting someone AGAIN, but you claim you are the "commitment type"? I think not.

I think you ought to leave this poor girl (who deserves her own shot at happiness), find a new job, and get yourself a vasectomy.

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Originally Posted by shh!

You have been married for one year, and for one-third of your married life you have been considering leaving her, and later write that you will be hurting someone AGAIN, but you claim you are the "commitment type"? I think not.

I think you ought to leave this poor girl (who deserves her own shot at happiness), find a new job, and get yourself a vasectomy.

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I'm sorry, I only wanted responses from people that could intelligently help. I never said anything about hurting somebody AGAIN, and yes I am the commitment type. I have never slept around, never had a one night stand, and never had a relationship last less than a year and a half, with my latest 3 all lasting no less than 4 years. And besides, she is the one mistreating ME... No need to take my post personally. What am I supposed to do, live this life in misery? Are you saying people should stay together JUST for the sake of staying together?

Anybody ELSE that doens't have a stick up their ass want to help?

So how do you move on? Well let's look at the facts first. You are not in love with this woman. You argue/bicker all the time. Love life=nothing. You feel as if this is a rebound from your last relationship because you did not want to be alone and now you are paying the ultimate price. I suppose the answer is that there is no answer. If this is truely how you feel, you owe it to yourself and your wife to end it. No matter how hard or difficult it might be, you should close the book on this one. I supose you do have a choice and try and figure out why you do not love this woman...why you argue. That would require serious commitment on both your parts. But your post tells a different story. You now realize that you don't even love her. I suppose if you still felt something but didn't know how to fix the problem that would be a different story but that's not the case is it? How do you move on....tell her it's over..and tell her why. The specifics don't matter...at least you don't have children..that would be worse.

Uh...I think the "stick up their ass" remark kinda chilled me on offering you any suggestions. You're a jerk. Figure it out yourself.

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Originally Posted by whaywardj

Uh...I think the "stick up their ass" remark kinda chilled me on offering you any suggestions. You're a jerk. Figure it out yourself.

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I'm actually a very nice guy... My guess is that you didn't read her reply. If you think that " find a new job, and get yourself a vasectomy is such a remarkably nice reply... then you are a hypocrite, thanks anyway.

Oh, yes, I did. You just didn't like what was said, so disparaged them. You don't want suggestions. You just want to be agreed with. That's, by definition, a jerk.

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Originally Posted by whaywardj

Oh, yes, I did. You just didn't like what was said, so disparaged them. You don't want suggestions. You just want to be agreed with. That's, by definition, a jerk.

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You're right.. what she said was SO helpful and on-topic :bored: I wan't to be agreed with? I wasn't asking if I should or shouldn't. Perhaps you could clarify for me?

No. I don't want to.

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Originally Posted by MovingOn

I'm sorry, I only wanted responses from people that could intelligently help. I never said anything about hurting somebody AGAIN, and yes I am the commitment type. I have never slept around, never had a one night stand, and never had a relationship last less than a year and a half, with my latest 3 all lasting no less than 4 years. And besides, she is the one mistreating ME... No need to take my post personally. What am I supposed to do, live this life in misery? Are you saying people should stay together JUST for the sake of staying together?

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C'mon guy! You didn't even love her on your wedding day, and you "forgot" to mention that she was "mistreating" you. Have you tried counseling and just forgot to mention it?

Yes, I misunderstood the "hurting someone again" portion of your post, but my advice is still the same. Break things off, find a new job, get a vasectomy.

And by the way, whaywardj is literate, so I would bet he did read - and comprehend - my original post.

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Originally Posted by whaywardj

No. I don't want to.

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I guess comprehension is not your friend, sorry to bother you.

Thanks for the help Jsnowman, i appreciate it.

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Originally Posted by shh!

C'mon guy! You didn't even love her on your wedding day, and you "forgot" to mention that she was "mistreating" you. Have you tried counseling and just forgot to mention it?

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Counseling for what? For a mistake that was made? I am not in love with this girl, so what would we be in counseling for?

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Originally Posted by shh!

Yes, I misunderstood the "hurting someone again" portion of your post, but my advice is still the same. Break things off, find a new job, get a vasectomy.

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My guess is that you read the post, and thought to yourself "Oh god, another uncommitted ******* guy that just wants to have his cake and eat it to", but you couldn’t be farther from correct. You can flame all you want, you are just discrediting yourself.

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Originally Posted by shh!

And by the way, whaywardj is literate, so I would bet he did read - and comprehend - my original post.

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I think his personal feelings for you may of just gotten in the way, because your reply WAS (and still is) inappropriate.

Just forget it... this forum is rediculous.

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Originally Posted by MovingOn

Counseling for what? For a mistake that was made? I am not in love with this girl, so what would we be in counseling for?.

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"Committed" people usually try to repair things before throwing in the towel.

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Originally Posted by MovingOn

My guess is that you read the post, and thought to yourself "Oh god, another uncommitted ******* guy that just wants to have his cake and eat it to", .

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Yup. That pretty much sums it up.

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Originally Posted by MovingOn

I think his personal feelings for you may of just gotten in the way, because your reply WAS (and still is) inappropriate..

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HAHAHAHAHA! He doesn't even know me! HAHHAHAHHAHA!

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Originally Posted by MovingOn

Just forget it... this forum is rediculous.

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It is spelled R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S.

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Originally Posted by shh!

It is spelled R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S.

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You are P-E-T-T-Y, and P-R-E-T-E-N-T-I-O-U-S.

Smart, too.

:-D