I could use some advice to know what to do with a man I have been involved with. Please bear with me as it's kind of an intricate story. He and I met about five months ago. A mutual friend set us up for a professional connection and we immediately hit it off. He pursued me and we were seeing each other pretty seriously a few weeks later. Things seemed to be incredible between us. We had amazing chemistry and a stunning intellectual and emotional attraction and seemed to be falling in love. However, there were a couple of issues that came up. The first is that he had problems in the bedroom that seemed to be a recurring issue for him. This didn't bother me, I felt sure we would get through it in time and wasn't in a hurry. The second is that I had to leave for the summer to finish up a project that is very important to my career. We both knew this was coming for a while, but the closer it got, the more stressful it became for us. A couple of weeks before I left, he came to stay for the weekend (he lived a few hours away). I could tell he wasn't in the best mood so I suggested we see a movie rather than go on the hike we had planned. The movie seemed to trigger something in him (he is a combat veteran with PTSD) and afterward he was in a very dark mood. I tried to get him to tell me what was wrong and he got more upset. He told me that he had to leave right then, things weren't working between us and didn't want to put me through what he was going through (although nothing he was saying was making that much sense). That he'd had deep depressions before and they'd lasted months. I managed to convince him to stay (because I was very concerned for his safety) and tried to talk him down, while also expressing to him how upsetting it would be to me if he ended things so abruptly. We talked for several hours about how we both felt like we were falling in love and that it was scary for us. The night ended with us both in tears holding each other and the next day he left promising me that he was heading right to his therapist and would be in touch.
The day after he wrote me a long, apologetic letter apologizing, explaining that he didn't want to lose me, but that the stress of my upcoming trip, the movie trigger, trying to communicate his feelings, all of it had overwhelmed him and made him want to run away. He promised that he would find better ways to deal with this in the future and wanted to keep trying with me. I agreed to try again with him, but it seemed that something had shifted. We spent time together a few more times before I left, but he was not doing well. He was suffering from stress-related back pain and seemed distant and agitated.
Since I've been here, we've had a hard time communicating. It seemed like I was doing a lot of the initiating so I asked him things were ok between us. This made him more distant and I've stopped initiating. I saw on his Facebook page yesterday that he'd been tagged in a photo with an ex who he'd had a long distance relationship with that I know has moved closer to him since I've been gone. The date on the photo is the day before he had his freak-out with me, meaning that he'd lied to me about where he'd been that week. What's worse, is that I know that the photo wasn't there before and I think that somehow he wanted me to see it. As you might imagine, I'm feeling very confused and betrayed. I don't know if I should take him telling me about his lie in this way as a confession or as a cruel way to push me away because I have seen him so vulnerable, and honestly, I think our relationship gave him a possibility of love that he's never had before. The question that remains with me is not whether I should be involved with this man. Clearly he needs help that I can't provide. What I want advice about is whether or not I should call him on his shit and confront him about his actions. I feel that I deserve an explanation. But I am not sure that engaging with him is not going to make me feel worse. If anyone has any advice or insight, I would appreciate it. Thanks.
