Can't get him out of my head or heart.

I am in need of some support or someone to talk to. I have no one I can confide in because I am married and fell in love with another man. My marriage was going really bad and I was asking going to ask for a divorce as soon as my daughter graduated this year and moved off to college. In the meantime I started facebooking with an old friend/boyfriend who was also going through a hard time. We just continued chatting, as friends do, and it ended up going farther than that. I have always had feelings for him that never really went away, and they came back with a vengence. He also fell in love with me and we ended up planning on me moving in after my daughter moved to college, and getting married after I was divorced. When it came time to tell my husband he was devastated. He begged me not to leave him. That was very hard, because after all we have been together for over 20 years, and I do have feelings for him as well. When I told my OM about this he said he couldn't handle the guilt from bringing these feelings to my husband and that we should take a backseat for now. Well another week went by and things weren't going well with my husband and I told him about the OM. He kicked me out, so I went to my parents house. I called the OM and he said to move in so thats what I had planned. My girls in the meantime quit talking to me, and my OM then said we needed to stop because we can't bring this kind of pain onto my family and that he did not want me to lose my girls because of him. I know now that, or at least feel that, he was doing that because he loved me, but at the time I felt so rejected. My husband then called me and wanted to go to counseling and work things out because he couldn't or didn't want to live without me and loved me more than anything. So I did. I do love him but I'm not in love with him and we are trying to get that back. But I am so in love with the other man that I can't quit thinking about him and how our life was going to be. It has been two months and I still have anxiety attacks, fits of crying, and just terrible heartache. Help!!!! How do I get over him. I dont' expect anyone to feel sorry for me, and I know I did wrong, :emot97: but I have NO ONE to talk to about this.

Please, anybody help me.

I read your post, but it's hard for me to relate because I'm not married. Objectively speaking, I think the FB OM is backing down because maybe he doesn't want the baggage of your relationship? It's easy for me to say you should have waited until you were divorced to start a new relationship...but I'm not in your situation, and hindsight is perfect isn't it? I would say that you should do what you intended, keep going forward with the divorce...because that's what you wanted to do despite FB OM right? But...be on your own for a while before jumping into a new situation. You need to grieve the marriage, get over the pain and guilt, reconnect with your girls and of course, get to know yourself as a single woman again. Easier said than done right?

Is OM in a relationship too?

You and your husband should have went for counselling BEFORE your affair started. Its too late now to save it, the damage is done. He will never get over this and never trust you again. He gave you 20years of his life! What a horrible way to end a marriage and now hes just a backup plan coz u have nowhere else to go..

I really dont have any sympathy for you. Affairs never work out. There a fantasy, a delusion and an escape from reality. Real life with him would be far different than the daydream you created in your head.. There is a 1% chance of it actually working out and then its usually a destructive relationship based on a rocky foundation of trust issues and fear. You would never trust each other coz of how you got together. Its all based on infatuation and fantasy.

I still find it hard to believe that so many older married people dont understand the difference between infatuation and love SMH

anyway you wont get over him till u go and experience reality with him and learn your lesson the hard way via a rebound.

I pity your children. Youve turnrd their world upside down and torn your family apart. I hope he was worth it

Ya i know im being a b**ch but someone has to say it

Michelle, I know I had that coming and yes I did do wrong. I have been asking my husband to go to counseling for about 5 years now and he always refused. You don't know how he has been. I'm not making excuses but we have been together for all those years but I have been on my own. He never shared responsiblities, chores, or helped much with the girls, and he realizes this.

I agree with Ginger. The other man wasn't totally honest with you during your affair and not even when you confessed to your husband about him. Is he married too? Anyway, I think he got carried away and promised you more than he could actually want from you two. He is moving on and so should you. Forget about him and concentrate on your marriage. Any decisión you take about your future should not include the other man anymore, but your husband, your family and your personal hapiness.

Take a rest of all this, cut off all communications with both of the two of them, your husband and your boyfriend. Let's watch from afar which one of them will act in your best interest and which one will only try to get advantage of you. 3 weeks are enough to decide which one you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Good Luck.