Frustrated and confused

Thank you for taking the time to read this!

So! Been with my bf for almost 3 years. He is my first long term relationship. I am 27 and he is 34. We get along very well and have a pretty good thing going.. BUT! I'm ready to go forward in our relationship and he isn't.. We live in a small town with very little opportunity to succeed. I work literally everyday at 2 different jobs to pay all my bills and rent. I also have a 7 yr old daughter. The work I do is a great fallback kind of job and if I were to move to another area, I'd make significantly more and not have to work as much. I want to be able to go back to school, work not as often(everyday is pretty tiring... two of those days are back to back 24/hr shifts) and be able to get ahead in life. But living where we do and not living together, makes this impossible for me since I can't afford to not work the hrs/days I currently work and pay everything I need to alone. So, I told him my needs and willing to compromise to make it work. I hate living here, but he doesn't want to leave so I said I would be willing to stay here if we could eventually live together so I wouldn't have to work so much and go back to school. I also wouldn't get a dog (he hates dogs and I'm an animal lover). OR! To move to a better location so I could make more money and work less so I could attend school. We wouldn't have to live together if that were the case. Well, he doesn't want to relocate and doesn't want to live together-ever. He's wanting to do a long distance relationship(I have decided to move) but that's a deal breaker for me. I have no interest in a long distance relationship because I know he wont make the move to be with me at all. I feel so lead on and hurt.. But also feel like I'm an asshole and selfish.. Idk.. I'm very confused :-(

Its great that you looking in the future and want make your life better and not to be a slave for the rest of your life. Your BF seems to settled down and not willing to move his lazy ass. This is where your roads are parting. You have diferent energy levels and staying with him will not change your life for better. You have to do what you want in life and be with people who support you in being yourself, your dreams and goals.Once you find a partner who understand you it will be much easier to carry on with your dreams.

Its good that you dont wana do long distance relationship. That means you have respect for yourself(which will come handy with your next boyfriend).

And no you are not being asshole and selfish you are just living your life. If you are living other persons life then who will live your life?

He said that he doesn't EVER want to live together? What was his reason for not wanting to leave?

Reading all of this, the thing which stands out to me most is that he never wants to move in with you. Is this what you want in a relationship too? If not, it's probably the biggest dealbreaker of it all.

Assuming you want marriage/defacto at some point in life, this is the wrong guy.

I was about to say that after 3 years, you should be living together, especially considering your respective ages. It's not like you're teenagers. But then he says he 'never' wants to live with you...for me, that would equal immediate break-up. Who the hell expects to have a relationship where you never live together? I wouldn't, for a moment, postpone my future plans for him - go ahead and improve your life for you and your child. He sounds like a non-committal time waster.

It sounds like you're motivated and hard-working...better things will come your way.

You should break up with him. Move away with your child to build a better a life and forget him. I am not sure what its like in your country but in mine there is lots of help and support for single mothers and families. You can get low cost housing from the counsel here as well as back to school allowances and other benefits from the government. Every mother in the country gets a children's allowance each month to help.

You should see if there is any help there for you so you can work less hours. My aunt works full time but she has a counsel house so her rent is only 350 per month. If I got pregnant, I would put my name straight on the counsel list coz right now my rent is high but I could get a very similar house for less if I had children.

Look into your options. If you are working so many hours, how do you even have time to see your kid or a man. If you can have a better life elsewhere-then go. Dont let any man hold you back

I say stick to your guns and he will respect you more for it.

Sorry took me so long to respond to your comments. First off, thank you for the replies!

I am definitely sticking to my plans to move. Everything is falling into place, so if I were to pass up this opportunity, would truly be the worst mistake of my life thus so far.

I am not looking for marriage, not something I want in my life. He also doesn't want this, but I didn't think he'd be against ever living together or having some kind of future with me. I spoke to him again about it, but he is set on not relocating or living together where we currently reside. So.. All I can do is just keep with my plan and say good bye when the time comes. It's depressing to think about but nothing I can do to change his mind..

On the subject of how I make time when I work so much: I work odd hours that give me time in the morning to the afternoon free as well as at night. My 48 hr shift is the only time I don't have any real free time.

The state I live in has little help. I make more than what is the set limit to receive aid.. Assistance seems to go to the people who are drug addicts, lazy, and don't understand the concept of birth control rather than to those who work so hard to better themselves and just need a little extra help.. At least here, it's like that. I'm moving out of state about 7 hrs away. So much more offered so I can lead a life I am satisfied with!

Again, thank you for your comments. It made me fully realize I am not being selfish or horrible for not staying here to be with him.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BeautifulPutrid [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thank you for taking the time to read this!

So! Been with my bf for almost 3 years. He is my first long term relationship. I am 27 and he is 34. We get along very well and have a pretty good thing going.. BUT! I'm ready to go forward in our relationship and he isn't.. We live in a small town with very little opportunity to succeed. I work literally everyday at 2 different jobs to pay all my bills and rent. I also have a 7 yr old daughter. The work I do is a great fallback kind of job and if I were to move to another area, I'd make significantly more and not have to work as much. I want to be able to go back to school, work not as often(everyday is pretty tiring... two of those days are back to back 24/hr shifts) and be able to get ahead in life. But living where we do and not living together, makes this impossible for me since I can't afford to not work the hrs/days I currently work and pay everything I need to alone. So, I told him my needs and willing to compromise to make it work. I hate living here, but he doesn't want to leave so I said I would be willing to stay here if we could eventually live together so I wouldn't have to work so much and go back to school. I also wouldn't get a dog (he hates dogs and I'm an animal lover). OR! To move to a better location so I could make more money and work less so I could attend school. We wouldn't have to live together if that were the case. Well, he doesn't want to relocate and doesn't want to live together-ever. He's wanting to do a long distance relationship(I have decided to move) but that's a deal breaker for me. I have no interest in a long distance relationship because I know he wont make the move to be with me at all. I feel so lead on and hurt.. But also feel like I'm an asshole and selfish.. Idk.. I'm very confused :-(

---

I can understand when there is no support from a man. I am going through something similar to your situation. I plan to move out of my situation. You sound very motivated. If he is not understanding or willing to reason with you, he does not care at all. I understand that you want a commitment, but you want something that is not there in that so-called relationship. You are worth more than that. Us women need to realize that we are worthy. When you have goals and chasing after something that is not provided for you from your boyfriend it will only emotionally drain your positive energy to reach your goals. Leave that man alone. Think about it, you want to move on in life and he doesn't want to move. If you stay; what are YOU doing? Don't trap yourself. When us women tend to settle for less when we want and need more, later in life it is a strong possibility to become bitter. One of my friends became angry with me because I told her how happy I WAS. Her response was "Girl, just wait he gonna change on you." Yes my Fiance' has changed and is soon very soon to be EX. He is ignorant and sarcastic when it comes to my feelings and whines that I don't care about his. He uses his back pain as an excuse not to work and is rushing me into marriage. He once told me I could have gave him a couple thousand to help him out. That is a big red flag. I don't want a man who is a moocher, sarcastic and act like a child when it come to my feelings and never express his own feelings. The communication is bad as well as responsibility. The last argument we had he said words and proved them with actions that made me throw my ring out. I am a young woman who is very soon to graduate from business school and own two businesses that are developing. Yes I want to and is ready to be married, but not to a man like THAT. I am happy with myself as woman who will always feel good and look good. Move on with your life and be happy, there are plenty men out there with the same goal. My grandmother use to say " If the yoke is not even the egg is rotten." I smile that I threw that ring out because if I didn't I would miss out on meeting a mature good man. I am currently tend to date again while still in the same household. I am going to let him figure out the rest of the bills and rent. Time he man up. He is in for a rude awakening when he see a u-haul truck in the drive way. For every bad man, there is always a good man else where. I smile as I walk way and say "Bye- Ba.