I think I completely ruined something great :(

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07-09-13, 01:34 PM
SweetAndSpicy

I think I completely ruined something great :(

So there is this wonderful guy I met in June. We have been seeing each other since and its been heading towards becoming serious yet we have not had "the talk" about becoming something exclusive yet. I am still friends with my ex and this new guy doesn't know that. I was loaning my ex a couple of dollars so he can eat tonight in front of a deli. I didn't think this was possible but new guy was getting coffee at the Starbucks nearby. I glanced up to see him looking at me having my ex in the car. I am scared to death that new guy is going to come to some crazy conclusion that I am unfaithful or "playing him." He didn't try to confront me or anything, just kept walking to the train station and he has not texted me. We had set plans for tomorrow afternoon last time we spoke. Am I to assume he is angry and what if he doesn't contact me ever again over this? I at least want him to hear me out. I am strictly a friend to my ex. If he questions me, do I have the right to bring up the fact that he hasn't asked me to be exclusive yet? I feel that I ruined everything :(
07-09-13, 02:19 PM
basilandthyme

If this ruins the relationship, it would seem that the relationship is founded on a great lack of communication.

In your other post, you do not understand his sexual conduct. In this post, you are worried that he will misunderstand your contact with your ex. But both of these issues stem from lack of communication. Talk with him.

Having said that, any man would be wise to be wary of an ex who's still hanging around taking money. If you are serious about this new relationship, you would be wise to cut off contact with your ex. Let him find money elsewhere.
07-09-13, 11:16 PM
4 ratties

All you can do is talk to him about it and see what he says. Yes you aren't exclusive so that doesn't mean u can't talk to other guys. But this is your ex and that's a little sketchy. He might think you're not over him or something
07-09-13, 11:29 PM
Wakeup

Quote:

Having said that, any man would be wise to be wary of an ex who's still hanging around taking money. If you are serious about this new relationship, you would be wise to cut off contact with your ex. Let him find money elsewhere.

This^^^ Seriously! Why do you need to keep an ex in your life? Are there children involved? If there aren't then you can expect almost every man you are with to not be very happy with your 'friendship.' Those that don't care, well they likely don't because they have their own female friends that they do one-on-one date-like activities with which will leave you high and dry when he's out with her.

I'm surprised you just didn't wave him over and introduce him so that everything is on the up and up. The least you could have done was call (not text) him up, told him you seen him today when you were with your friend. That would have opened up a dialogue and you'd not be here asking strangers what we can't possibly know what his thinking on this is.
08-09-13, 12:42 AM
smackie9

Quote:

Originally Posted by SweetAndSpicy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So there is this wonderful guy I met in June. We have been seeing each other since and its been heading towards becoming serious yet we have not had "the talk" about becoming something exclusive yet. I am still friends with my ex and this new guy doesn't know that. I was loaning my ex a couple of dollars so he can eat tonight in front of a deli. I didn't think this was possible but new guy was getting coffee at the Starbucks nearby. I glanced up to see him looking at me having my ex in the car. I am scared to death that new guy is going to come to some crazy conclusion that I am unfaithful or "playing him." He didn't try to confront me or anything, just kept walking to the train station and he has not texted me. We had set plans for tomorrow afternoon last time we spoke. Am I to assume he is angry and what if he doesn't contact me ever again over this? I at least want him to hear me out. I am strictly a friend to my ex. If he questions me, do I have the right to bring up the fact that he hasn't asked me to be exclusive yet? I feel that I ruined everything :(

If you have kept it a secret, then you know you shouldn't be doing it. This "friendship" with your ex is not healthy......you are enabling his co-dependency of you, when clearly he should be moving on with his life.

Just think how odd it would look to you if your new guy was doing the same with his ex and never told you...lending her money etc. It's f ucked up.
08-09-13, 01:03 AM
pcmaster

Well be friends with you new guy too. That means be able tot alk about anything especialy feelings thats on your heart and can affect love in good or bad way. Its crucial to talk about this cause its lays heavy on your heart and guy will nitice this. If he cares about your feelings he will want to know what holding you back to be 100% happy with him and will be angry if you keep the doubt and pain inside.

personaly i think its okay to be friends with ex cause the way you described things you can feel only sorry for a poor guy. When a woman give money to man its a real sexual attraction killer. 80% of womans attraction is based on survival.
08-09-13, 03:37 AM
Coddy555

Quote:

Originally Posted by SweetAndSpicy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So there is this wonderful guy I met in June. We have been seeing each other since and its been heading towards becoming serious yet we have not had "the talk" about becoming something exclusive yet. I am still friends with my ex and this new guy doesn't know that. I was loaning my ex a couple of dollars so he can eat tonight in front of a deli. I didn't think this was possible but new guy was getting coffee at the Starbucks nearby. I glanced up to see him looking at me having my ex in the car. I am scared to death that new guy is going to come to some crazy conclusion that I am unfaithful or "playing him." He didn't try to confront me or anything, just kept walking to the train station and he has not texted me. We had set plans for tomorrow afternoon last time we spoke. Am I to assume he is angry and what if he doesn't contact me ever again over this? I at least want him to hear me out. I am strictly a friend to my ex. If he questions me, do I have the right to bring up the fact that he hasn't asked me to be exclusive yet? I feel that I ruined everything :(

Definitely you don't owe him explanations, if you're not exclusive. If he however gets angry or sad about, it- tell him the truth, INCLUDING the fact that you felt stupid when you saw him glancing.
Just express it the same way you did here: say "I am strictly a friend to my ex. ".
If nothing else, this guy may start WANTING YOU MORE after he saw you with your ex!