Hi everyone,
I am a 25 year old female. I am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man for over 4.5 years now.
In my teen and college years - I was always very into the idea of having a boyfriend. I was a late bloomer in the looks department and my senior year of high school is when I experienced my first boyfriend for over a year. We broke up to go our separate ways for college, and only a couple months later, I found myself in another relationship. This relationship lasted almost 2 years. 6 months after breaking up is when I met my current boyfriend. So in college I was always in a relationship with the exception of those 6 months. I have since graduated and moved away to a big city with my current boyfriend.
So needless to say, I haven't had much experience being single as an adult female - maybe 8 months of my life. I never saw this as a problem as I was very into committing myself to someone and almost found myself the clingy/jealous type who was ready to get married (though never asking him of it). This part of my personality has faded a ton. I find myself now as a great girlfriend who never gets jealous and isn't clingy at all. In fact, it's as if I have gone to the other side of this and find myself wondering what it's like to be with other people (not so great girlfriend).
The problem is I am so in love with my current boyfriend. He is so wonderful to me and supports me when I am in need (for instance when I didn't have a job) and his family is so perfect. He's gorgeous, talented, and goofy and we get along great. The dog I got before we met is practically like our child. We are a family now I feel like. We talk about getting married and having kids like it's obviously going to happen. I feel so incredibly lucky...
But recently I find that I don't even know if I want kids...I've never actually had a feeling that I wanted them - I just figured it would kick in eventually. As for getting married, with having all these thoughts in my head of what life would be like as a single woman, I am terrified of the idea of marriage now.
I have to admit that in the past months I haven't felt satisfied sexually. I think it mostly has to do with my mental state of being attracted to my boyfriend. When I met him I thought I had fallen into heaven and met the most gorgeous attractive man I would ever meet. But to be honest, when it came to sex there was never a big spark. It was in no means bad sex, but I never felt like it was explosive and passionate. With all the other positives in our relationship and studying away at college, I put my sexual needs on the back burner and didn't really care about them. I thought good sex was good enough, but now I am craving something more along with being more free.
I think breaking up with him would be so painful and I would probably think it was the biggest mistake of my life with how great we are in every other aspect. I feel like I'm changing though and I'm not sure if it's a phase I'll get over or if I need to address it before it explodes on the day he proposes (which is probably years down the road).
I would be grateful for any advice. Thank you!
PS - We've talked about making things better for me in bed. Not sure if this is TMI, but he doesn't last very long. I don't think I've ever had an orgasm (not sure if I can even have one). He's pretty awesome at trying to make himself better without being offended. However, as I said earlier, I feel a lot of it is my mental attractiveness to him...