Post-Breakup -Sort of messy
Hello people,
Let me start off by saying I've made a few post-breakup mistakes and know I shouldn't be watching her profile on FB/Twitter in whatever ninja-ways I'm doing at the moment.
My ex and I have dated for 26 months, of which the last two months were very very rocky caused by several things:
First red flag I noticed was when she stopped wearing her ring/necklace, we were sort of 'engaged' nothing official however. Her excuse for not wearing them was because she forgot to put it on after work. Which to me seemed illogical considering she worked there for over a half year by then and never ever forgot putting her ring/necklace on.
The second red flag was that she suddenly was not in the mood for sex and was under a lot of stress.
The third and heaviest red flag was when I was on her notebook and typed in some letters for whatever search I was trying to make in the urlbar and found out she had been on sites such as 'How do I make somebody fall in love with me?' 'How do I know somebody is in love with me?' you get the gist.
After the third flag I confronted her and she told me she fell in love with some guy from work, this happened around halfway june and she said she didn't do anything with her feelings.
BUT she posted cryptic messages on her Facebook/Twitter the start of july such as 'I have to work tomorrow <3' which seemed kind of weird to me and raised a few bells.
After two months of stress I went to her house with her stuff and told her we should make a decision whether to stick together or not because the stress was killing us both and she seemed to be indecisive. So we broke up even though I felt that if we worked on the relationship it could've worked out.
At some point she stated to a friend she was never(?) physically attracted to me and fell for my character.... Not sure what to think of that. Our intimacy was pretty good up till the past couple of months. Another reason was that I supposedly killed her social life/independancy.
There has been several things in our relationship SHE killed:
- She just wanted to do missionary, doggy-style(her favorite) hurt her and other stances were hasslesome which certainly made our sexlife dull and perhaps also a reason to lose interest in your partner?
- She stopped going to the gym
- She stopped going out with friends and when I kind of poked her to tell her she should do stuff with her friends because at some points they asked her if she wanted to go somewhere and she blatantly declined.
- She stopped singing/dancing
So, in short she killed her own independency by dropping hobbies, interests and friends. BUT blames it al on me... :rolleyes:
We broke up the 26th of august and have been sort of in NO CONTACT but pretty much LOW CONTACT and with this I've made mistakes as did she by breaking the NO CONTACT.
Surely I'm not a perfect boyfriend but I did try to give this relationship my all, I've had my ups and downs regarding jealousy in some occasions but never stopped her from doing things. However she had the same with me and even ran out a club once because I was casually talking to another girl(one that had a relationship with a friend of mine). Afterwards I never contacted that girl again because I didn't want to upset my girlfriend on purpose. (Beta-like? Maybe..)
She posts all sorts of lyrics especially by Disney saying stuff as if she was caged, not free and that some person is blocking her path.
Which all seems loads of crap because I always supported her in whatever she did and tried to give her back the things she dropped herself, contacted her old friends if they wanted to meet and some did, contacted the woman from the studio she singed with and that person wanted to make an album with my ex but my ex never contacted her back.
She posted something on Twitter saying: 'All you ever did was wreck me.' which is part of the song by Miley Cyrus - Wreckingball. If you read only that part it seems like I wrecked her but if you read the whole lyrics it has an entirely different meaning. Maybe I'm looking too much into it but the wound is still fresh unfortunately.
With my previous exes I never really had problems leaving them behind and moved on pretty quick but I can't let go of this girl.... She's the prettiest(also bustiest), most intelligent and funnest girl I've ever dated with.... I felt as if we were soulmates, we had pretty deep conversations, we shared a lot of interests/hobbies and we could barely keep up fighting in real because we would end up looking at each other and laugh.
Problem however is that I've said and done things (on my FB primarily) even though I blocked her on FB she probably used a second account to see what I was doing on my profile. (I didn't have it blocked to public yet) She responded to it by reacting on it with more songtexts.
Seems kind of childish but yeah that's what currently is happening and have no idea what to make of it.....
I'm sure we can be friends in the future if we really talk it out or just let it all be the past and start over, but for me there will always be that underlying feeling that I could've done better or WE could've done better and more to keep our relationship going.
Currently I'm going to the gym and went out a few times with friends and plan to do so in the future, talk to other girls again and seemingly one girl is attracted to me but I have no feelings for her as of now so I won't be acting on it. This breakup has made me HIGHER my standards rather than lowering them because of the gaping hole currently inside me.
Probably will pick up some stuff like finally get myself to finish a book, learn to play guitar or other skills that will improve my character. So yes I'm moving on as best as I can although I can't keep myself from looking on her profile once in a while... It doesn't really have to do with the breakup perse because I'm pretty curious about anything.
