How is it that I'm so unhappy in this relationship but I just cannot leave.
I have a girlfriend, who I've know for a year and a half, and been with on and off for 7 months. Our relationship is really intense. I am incredibly sensitive and so maybe it's all my fault, really.
I see right through her, everything she does and every lie she tells. And every second thing that comes out of her mouth is a lie. They're not bad lies, not at all. It's not about serious things. But the thing is, she knows how much I hate lying and she does it all the time. Completely unnecessarily, things that don't even make sense to lie about.
A few months ago she told a very big lie. I was texting her for hours and she was receiving the texts and then ignoring them completely. This was in about March. Up until 2 weeks ago, she maintained that she was asleep the whole time and she doesn't know why it came up saying she'd read them. She swore on us and me and everything she could possibly swear on that she was telling the truth. I knew she was lying. All along and she swore time and time again she was not. Eventually I got her to tell the truth.
You'd think after that, which was such a big thing to me, she'd try to change and be more honest. But no, she was telling lies again a few hours later.
We fight all the time, literally at least once a day and it's horrible. She never seems to care at all, she really doesn't. She'll say she cares and says she'll change and then half an hour later she's doing the same. She ignores me a lot, makes excuses and lies constantly to me. I have explained to her so many times how upset and angry it makes me. The way she treats me is so awful.
For my 18th birthday she didn't even get me a card. Months later, I literally paid for my own birthday card that she wrote in.
I give her everything that I have. I have a badly paid job and every single penny I get goes on her. Goes on gifts for her, everything for her. She has never paid for a thing. I don't mind that at all, not really. But I do mind when she takes and takes from me, when she knows my family has so little money and she has never bought me a thing. She just takes everything, she is so selfish. She has thousands of pounds in her bank, she just loves to take from me.
You'd think with me treating her so well, giving her everything and doing everything I can for her, that if she knew how much the things she did hurt me, she'd make an attempt to stop. But she doesn't, she does it every single day.
I have tried to leave so many times. I try to leave her but I always end up going right back. And I don't know why. I don't even know if I love her anymore because of all she has done to me. But I still keep going back. I care about her and worry about her so much and I know I'd feel so guilty and awful if anything bad happened to her and we weren't speaking. I think that's why I can't leave. I don't even know, I just can't. I really wish I could.
She does this all the time to me. No matter how much I explain or say to her, or literally beg her to stop she will not. She continues to hurt me and the continues to take and take from me.
She never makes any effort to fix her mistakes or make things right between us. She makes a mistake and I fix it.
I feel so trapped and we've had so many fights, I don't even think she cares anymore. She just says 'we'll never leave' and that's all she thinks. She doesn't care that I am so unhappy, she only cares about herself.
And I know all of this and understand it all but I just cannot leave. When things are good they are really good but that is rare. That is very rare. I don't know what more I can do to make her see what she's doing to me, it really is killing me feeling this bad every single day. Having nothing because it all goes on her, her draining me emotionally too.
I just don't know what to do. I thought writing all of this would make me feel better but it didn't help that much. I just feel so stuck, I get so angry and sad and she just does not seem to care.
