Hi folks, this is my first post so bare with me. The following situation is very complex and I could really use some advice with it.
So I'll start from the beginning, before I met my now ex Sarah.
Back in Jan '13 I started talking to a girl, Rachel, from the USA, we chatted daily and very quickly felt strong feelings for each other although we never and still haven't met.
I compete worldwide and in March I had a competition in Columbus, Ohio. This is where I met Sarah. Before I go on a tad of background, I'm 25 years old and live in Scotland, she is 35 and in Colorado.
So right off the bat we hit it off, lots of flirting and laughing. Never an awkward moment really. We ended up spending the night together even though we both didn't do one night stands. It was incredible, take the sex out the equation but just the connection I felt towards her, best night of my life. She reciprocated the feelings.
We spent the next night together too and decided to stay in touch when I returned home. I knew at this point I wanted more with her.
During this time Rachel and I were still talking but when I got home Sarah and I decided to give things a shot and I stopped talking to Rachel. Sarah and I would talk for hours on the phone, text whenever we could and I loved every minute of it.
In April around a month after declaring ourselves a couple I went to Colorado to visit for a week, again loved every second and felt closer to her than before. We spoke of me moving out there and started looking into options.
Just to add at this point I had a focus with my sport but as far as a career went I was working as a bouncer in a nightclub even though I have a masters degree.
So we decide that I'm going to go there for summer, as soon as I was home I got a second job and started to pull 100 hour weeks comprising of the day job, training, the 350mile round trip to work at the club each weekend etc. She also became very busy at work and although we kept in touch as much as possible after around 6 weeks I started to wonder if it was the right thing etc and started to talk to Rachel.
This continued for around a month until the point where I was in Sarah's home and confessed everything to her about re-contacting Rachel. Also when I first got to the state at the start of June things were quite distant and we weren't physically close.
Looking back I wish I had never started that contact again because I know now that it is simply Sarah I want.
So in June when I was there we decided I would come home early, we were sexual at times but I felt like I was pushing any kind of contact, hugs and everything else. The last week I was there was the best of the three, we just didn't focus on things and we had a great day out in the mountains, walked through a little town with ice cream and had an amazing dinner at night. There was no effort involved, it just flowed so easily.
After I got home we stayed in touch, talking most days and it was a little distant. We decided to be friends, but we never stopped talking, and we soon decided to see where we went. She told me she wasn't in the same place as I was so I held back a lot of the I Love You moments although at times we did share that feeling, and how we missed each other.
Throughout July and August we stayed in touch daily through text and phonecall. She started to get very busy at work and spent a week in DC and we didn't talk as much. Looking back this is where I began to start getting needy. Then at Labour Day she said she needed a break from us, that she was feeling very overwhelmed from the constant need for contact and that she feels like even though we said we would try to see where we went I just went back to 100% and wasn't taking her feeling into account. I tried to give her as much space as possible, but never really succeeded. Every few days I would text. She has been working 15 hours a day every day since labour day and two days ago told me that even though she didn't want to do this through text I had forced her to tell me that she didn't feel the same as I did. That she has no romantic feelings for me, that age is a factor, and doesn't think we could be us again.
I truly believe that her and I work but looking at who I am at the moment it is a far cry from the man she fell in love with. I'm moving to Colorado in December to go back to school with the view of staying full time and am trying to figure things out.
I'm not sure how to act towards her. This situation has made me look at myself in depth and I see the issues which could have contributed towards this happening.
I feel as if on one hand I shouldn't say a word to her until I go to sort things for school in November and then try to reconnect either on that trip or once I'm in Colorado living. The other thought in my mind is stay in touch every so often, but more as a friend. Make any contact positive and light hearted.
She says that there is nothing to go back and redo but I feel that as we never really did the whole dating thing cause of distance that we never gave things a proper shot.
I text her earlier today to saying the following "Hey, does me texting annoy you? Obviously things have changed and I'm not gonna chat as if they haven't. I've taken a step back to look at myself and realise that I've been quite negative recently so I'm taking steps to change that and better myself. I'd like to stay in touch as I would love to be in each others lives in a positive manner."
She read it twice but hasn't replied.
I understand that I need to look at this situation as a time for self improvement, hence starting to identify the issues I have which aren't positive and address them. I also know that if I am to have any chance of rekindling things with Sarah I need to back off and let her chill out as work is getting very hectic for her for the next few months, but also that she needs to see me change and realise that if we were to try again it could be a rewarding relationship and better than the first try.
I'm sure I've maybe missed something, but I can't think great atm and would love to hear your thoughts and get some advice on how to in time with her heart again.
Thanks
Ken
