It is a beautiful fall evening. I am alone and typing this because I am not tall. I am 5'9".
I have a good degree, authored patents, climbed mountains, ride sport bikes, artistic, speak 5 languages. People have told me I am funny. I am not making it up when I say, you can ask anyone and they will tell you I am caring to a fault. I would always seek to brighten the day for others whether it be help or just a welcome an honest compliement. I used to use the ice cream truck song as my ring tone which often invoked a chuckle in others. I am not tall.
I met a girl at work. She seemed nice. We talked and laughed until one day she asked my height (she is 5'7") Then suddenly and very surprisingly she became quite a different person. She ran from me, made short jokes, said I couldn't help how I was born and ran to the arms of a married player that has little girls of his own.
He has no education, nor skills. He is married. He is a father. He drinks, gambles, lies, cheats and bullies. He shoots his dog with a BB gun for sport. He is tall.
He, of course, took advantage of the situation to abuse us both. He continued to make fun of me calling me PeeWee and finally came to me in private saying, "I ****** her and there is nothing you can do about it." After she got hurt, she came to me for support, a fallback guy. I had no choice but to politely decline.
Five months later she married someone new. Five months after that she became pregnant with their first child. I knew her for much longer before he even showed up. I had to sit with her and her new husband alone at a small table for my boss's aniversery. We said nothing the whole time. It was ackward, but her husband was tall. As for me, this once very gregarious fellow who always had a kind word fo others, was completely silent.
We all work together in a very small company of only 20 people. We haven't spoken in almost 2 years. I tried to live above it, to bury it, but the player's private jab finally hit it's mark. I beat him up at work, not bad just enough to make him wish he had been a gentlemen. I had to sign a waiver saying I would no longer use violence in the work place. It feels better to extract a bit of justice, but I wish it hadn't been necessary. I have never done anything like that before. It's sad. We used to be friends.
The funny, gregarious person I was is gone. He has been replaced with a tougher, less caring person as a matter of survival. One who feels less, who distances himself more. I don't know yet who this person is, but I know he is less the man than I was. My ring tone is now the one that came with the phone. I pass her desk everyday without a smile or hello.
Don't tell me it is my personality. Please try to understand, I was, in all humility a very outgoing and funny guy who sincerely cared. Perhaps that is why it hurts so much now. I was confident. Now, it no longer matters.
What if I had been 6 feet? Would I be human then?
