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So me and my bf have been together for about 6 months, all has been really good up until a couple of weeks ago when his grandmother died. He knew she was ill so wasn't a sudden death.
We just spent last weekend together which was amazing and now hes just said the spark has gone and there is too much going on to think clearly..
I know he is grieving and I have said i'm there for him, but don't know if his actions are cause of the circumstances or me?
Just so confused
Death effects people very differently. This has NOTHING to do with you but you are feeling hurt, which is understandable but you can't change it. You can make it clear to him that you are here for him, but you can't push. He has to deal with his emotions his own way. If you constantly ask him if he's OK, he's going to feel smothered. Send him a flirty text or two. Not every day. Give him space. Bake him something.
It's normal... it isn't really about your relationship, it's just him going through his loss. Be there for him but don't constantly ask him how he feels and so on. Keep in mind that he isn't thinking clearly regarding your relationship, so give it time until he feels better, then talk about your relationship. For now just give him time and space if he needs it.
Thank you for the reply, I just feel so hurt as I am here for him and hes just pushing me away and in my mind I think he will end it :upset: I just don't know what to do, things were going amazing beforeQuote:
Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
All you can do is be there for him right now. Give him some time. He lost his grandmother. I mean damn, its not even about you right now. Seriously. You'd feel better if you was able to comprehend that.
I agree with the others, his thoughts and feelings are probably confused right now, so just be there for him and support him for now. He needs time to heal and when he does, he'll appreciate that you were by his side and not creating additional drama.
This might be his first loss (via death) and people often don't handle it well...once you've been through it a few times, you realize it's not good to push people who care about you away, even if you're grieving.
That said, it's important to give him space - he needs breathing room to come to terms with things. This isn't a good time to nag him about the relationship but if he's adamant he wants to end it - let him. He will probably come around.
Thank you for the advice, i'm giving him the space and time he needs, i'm here for him but I know people react differently to death. I know that the relationship is not on his list of priorities at the moment which is understandable, he needs to be with his family now
One of the ways we deal with loss is to shut-down emotionally. We think that rather than feel 'that' full-force, it's better to feel nothing at all. He needs to go through the seven steps of grieving before that'll even be remotely possible. You may have a long difficult wait... but as other posters have said, give him some space, but stay in touch without being pushy.
So found out today he wants to end it, literally so upset right now. He didn't say why just that things were "bubbling under the surface" I know he's got so much on his mind and is feeling confused about everything but I just don't understand :(
Katej --
I'm so sorry. It's just wrong place, wrong time. His grief is making him a bit nutty. Unfortunately there isn't anything you can do because he's not in his right mind.
My EX pulled away from me for about a year after his mom died. It's been a year since my own father passed & my husband will tell you that haven't been myself. I've been withdrawn & apathetic. Everyone close to me notices. My husband, God bless him, just let me be. If he had been a BF I may very well have simply walked away because I didn't have the energy to give to another person.
It doesn't make your hurt any less, but really this has nothing to do with you. He's just in a a bad place. You have to think of that old saying:
If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, they are yours. If they don't, they never were.
Let go. Mourn your loss. Lick your wounds. Eat lots of ice cream. take the weekend & wallow if you like (1 weekend only; you have to pick yourself up & dust yourself off come Monday) Don't hold on to the idea or him coming back but if after he's grieved if he comes back to you & you're free, if you want to get back with him, don't hold this against him.
Thank you, I'm just so hurt for him and me, i'm upset for him and his loss and hurt for what he said. I've been giving him space and said i'm there for him when he needs me and he just turned around and said he doesn't want me. Yet a few weeks ago we were planning a mini break away together.. I feel selfish as I just want him back, yet I know hes going through worse than meQuote:
Originally Posted by DalM0m [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]