Where do you think this is going? Im scared bc I've never had such strong feelings?
Okay so if you have time to read thanks if not I UNDERSTAND lol bc its pretty long... Ok so me and this guy are both 15, though he is a grade younger than me and lives in another town, though its close by. We know each other through family friends and are pretty good friends. And have known each other since like the 6th grade. He has always been a huge flirt and flirted with me, but recently we have developed actual "feelings" for each other. Over the summer when i was seeing him a lot at family parties, he finally got my number from my cousin and we started texting. We both told each other we liked each other, and texted for a while. We both liked each other but it wasn't anything serious, though I did really like him and we constantly texted.
Things were going great, until a few weeks later i found out he has started hanging out with this other girl supposedly he "used" to be crazy about, and was telling everyone he didn't really like me anymore. BUT, he was still texting me all lovey dovey messages.. basically playing me. I got mad and told him to tell me the truth if he likes me anymore or not, and he told me he honestly isn't sure anymore.. and i said me too (i was pissed). So, we stop texting for like a week, and i am basically done with him. But then he texts me and tells me how he feels like a huge jerk, and how he is really sorry and he never wanted to hurt me. I was shocked by this, but accepted his apology but didn't text him anymore cuz i didn't trust him all that much anymore. Basically, a few other things happened (pretty minor), and i would get pissed, but he would always apologize for what he's done, and the way he apologizes. you could tell he was sincere. By the end of the summer our fling was over and we were kind of just friends. And one day, he randomly asks me out! I say no because i was completely thrown off guard, and he asked me out as a dare from his friends. which was annoying:/
So then after that it got kind of awkward and we stopped talking for like two months, because summer was over, and the family parties stopped and we stopped seeing each other. We both moved on and dated other people.. though� when i was dating other people, he was always in the back of my mind. idk why. And i know this sounds weird. but i don't think he MEANT to hurt me. i think he was just kind of unsure of himself and he can be pretty immature at times. I didn't think he cared that much for me though. Oh yeah i did see him once over the weekend! and there were rumors he still liked me, but nothing happened.. idk if he was afraid to make another move but nothing happened.
Anyway, a few weeks ago, my grandfather passed away after over a year of being very sick. The day it happened i was deeply upset, and then at night, a few hours later, I get a text from him. the first I have heard from him in a long time. and he said, "hey r u ok? do you wanna talk?" and i told him thanks for asking and sure. and then he just said how sorry he was for everything and that he's always there for me, and i can tell him anything and can talk to him whenever i want. I thought it was really sweet and told him thanks and we ended up just casually talking. Idk why, but nothing except talking to him about everything made me feel a thousand times better.. no one else. I didn't expect anything of it, i just thought it was sweet of him to make sure i was okay. As the days go by he keeps texting me. Then about a week later at the night of the viewing, him and his family go. When he gets there we hug and talk a little bit. He tells me he will text me later, and then he tells me for the first time (if u read my last post you will see), he says, "you looked really beautiful tonight." My heart kind of melted when he said that lol and i said aww thanks. The week goes by and we still text casually.. a LOT of flirting involved. but last night is when things got serious.
Okay so he texted me a little bit later than usual, and i ask him whats up and he just says he's "thinkin." I decide to be a little mysterious lol and I'm like "oh I'm actually thinking too!" then he keeps asking me what about, and i tease him and keep saying things like "lol what makes you think i will tell you?" and so on and then he says "ok well now you have to tell me tell me and i promise i will tell you." i give in and tell him i was just thinking about how sweet he is and has been lately, and how he really made me feel better when i was upset." Then he says "haha thanks though nd I'm glad i could help. u mean a lot to me nd i hate seeing you sad or upset." and then after that i tell him its his turn to tell me what he was thinking about, and he kept trying to get out of it (i guess he was nervous to share lol) but i told him a deal is a deal and he has to. Finally he says "okay, well i was thinking about how happy I've been ever since I started talking to you again. U make me smile and laugh anytime i talk to u nd i can't help but smile whenever i think about u or talk to u."
I was shocked when he said this and it threw me off guard, mostly bc thats how I HAVE been feeling too! I care for him so much and I'm almost scared because I've never has such deep feelings for someone before and its scary. I don't want to lose him. It's also so much different from a few months ago back then i feel like we were just starting out (the simple i like you phase) but now. i we are in the deep feelings phase and its so weird but such an amazing feeling. Idk and you could call me crazy but, i feel like i may be falling in love with him.. i imagine this is what it feels like. again, ik you will call me crazy!!! But I'm also nervous and scared. i don't want to get hurt, though i do have A LOT of trust in him.. more then i ever have had for another guy..
anyway, what do you think about all this? And how can i keep my head out of the clouds and not screw things up? bc i have a tendency to do that.. Any tips you have for me? Thanks if u read the whole dang thing lol!;)
