She's a tough one, and might never trust me again...
So I'm new to this, and pretty much at a loss as to what to do...I was hoping some outside input would help.
A little background: So I, and her are both 30 years old. We have been attending law school together for nearly 2 and half years. We definitely had something from the day we meet...Even she will admit that. So much so that the girlfriend I had moved hundreds of miles with to attend school had left me within about month because it was clear there was more to me and my new "friend". Things weren't met to be with her anyway, and I could go on ad on...I will say I never cheated, or crossed a line. She could just see I had feelings for this new woman. Me and her instantly began spending time together, we didn't put any label on it. She was never my girlfriend, and I was never her boyfriend...she is very protective of titles like that. As well, as law school continued, we realized what a knitting circle it was, and neither of us are the type to be too open about our personal lives. "Coming out" as a couple would create waves within our friendships with other people, and just cause attention neither of us really wanted. So things were forced to stay pretty casual. I was crazy about her, and wanted to be with her, and figured I'd wait it out...things would settle, and we could move forward. About six months in she had personal stuff going on, and suddenly couldn't handle what we were doing. I have lots of feelings about that, but I'm trying to keep this simple. She broke up with me, and wanted to just be friends, which I had trouble doing...I don't know if she realized how deeply I felt about her.
Fast forward a year and half. We both ended up dating other people. She dumped her boyfriend, and all of sudden we having coffee in secret, and meeting up to hang out, as friends. But it was clear we weren't just friends. I cared a lot about the person I was seeing, but felt it was unfair to her when I felt this way about someone else, so I had to end that. Sure enough within 2 weeks, me and her spending all of our time together. Minus the title, we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I couldn't have been happier. Then I went and did something stupid. No cheating, or anything like that, no other woman, but I betrayed her trust. I corrected the situation and came clean as fast as I could, and told her everything. This is about 2 months ago. But no matter I say or do, she won't have me back.
Things came to a head a week ago..I was tired and lonely and frustrated, and told her I needed to make things right with her because I am not unconvinced she wasn't the one. I had waited long enough, and couldn't stand to be away from her anymore. She basically poked a hole in every single argument I had. I was speechless.
I don't know what my question is really...I told her that if she just didn't feel the same way for me anymore I would stop, I'd leave her alone. She told me that wasn't the case, but how long do I wait? How long do I have to pay for a mistake...especially one that didn't have anything to do with her?
I don't know, that's it I guess. Any feedback would be appreciated.
