I feel jealous and insecure and I'm not 100% sure if it's justifyable
I have a relatively new boyfriend. We both like each other very much and spend as much time as we can together, but he lives an hour away and we both have responsibilities, so we only see each other on the weekend.
We have a sexual relationship mostly but we also have newly fell in love, supposedly. It's still very new so I need time to build faith that this is really true. I know I love him in my definition of the word, but it has been unable to grow because I feel uncertain about him and I don't know why, it could be that there are things that give me pause or it could be from past experiences that make me doubt when someone says they love me.
For the most part though he makes me happy, but there are a few things that aggravate pre-existing insecurities.
I'm relatively new to relationships though I've had one that lasted several years, so I'm not sure how to deal with this variation. He has a lot of female friends, and that isn't what I have an issue with exactly, it's the things he's said to me.
One female friend was from his school and she kept asking him out or to go to get togethers with him. He said he kept saying no, then around halloween he went to one of her halloween parties then left, feeling like he was too old for it with all the scantily clad college freshman girls. But before that he told me he wasn't going to go. Also, he didn't invite me and he'd said it was because he didn't think I'd be able to come with my mom responsibilities.
That's one thing I dropped but it's still there if you know what I mean. Alone it's nothing.
But then he starts going out to lunch with this old friend of his from his old college. She's a virgin and wants to get married and actually asked him what it would be like since he's some kind of sex expert. Then when we get together, me and him, he says if she was interested in him he'd tap that. This was supposedly a joke but I got really upset about it at the time. He reassured me much later that she thought he was sinful or something and didn't approve of his promiscuity. So it's something that would never happen.
Now him and another classmate are getting closer. He even said he'd like to make her his school wife. She often talks about sex with her boyfriend with him but she also sells sex toys, so that must be like regular conversation. That upset me and I said it was because he said "wife" and that it bothered me that they talked about sex with each other when they were new friends of the opposite sex. He said that she was married which was a lie. He'd also said the virgin girl was married but she wasn't yet. He said well it's like she's married so you know what I mean.
So this last time that he lied to me about her being married I got upset with him again and told him not to lie to me again, and he told me to stop being a jealous girlfriend. I think I shouldn't have to even ask him not to lie to me, that should be common sense. I also think that he needs to have some boundaries instead of letting the girls he's talking to define them with their age or whether or not they have a boyfriend.
In addition to those things I've had issue with, he's a very sensual and giving lover and I like that about him. He's also nurturing and sweet past the prickly shell. We've been doing more together like building similar interests and starting to get into a routine, and building something more concrete. I'm just having trouble trusting him with this particular thing. He just seems a little too friendly with other girls, like skirting the edges sort of thing, and it's eroding new growth.
What I'm asking is, what can I do besides just try to trust him and see what happens? Does this seem like it might go away with time (the insecurity/jealousy)? Are my insecurities justifyable and am I right to get upset with him when I do, or am I over reacting? Part of me thinks he probably needs to grow up and stop calling me crazy/jealous when I want to talk... I need an outside perspective.
