Doubting my relationship after almost a year
I won't go on forever with this:
I've been going out with this girl for just over 9 months now. We've been very happy together on the most part (with arguments but that's just expected). We're fine right now as a couple but for some reason I just can't stop myself to consider leaving her. All sorts of nasty thoughts come to mind about us and the past and the future and I just can't block them out. I do suffer with anxiety issues and random panic attacks if that counts for anything. The other week when I was spending time with her at her house, I just found myself thinking "for the love of god shut up". There's the whole joke that women can have a conversation with themselves and their partner present (I am in no way sexist, just joking) but I just found myself wanting to go home at points. We're great together in person but when we're apart all these thoughts of leaving her and spending more time alone just come back.
Also, I've found my eyes wandering more often than they used to in public. Nothing wrong with it, we're not supposed to walk around blind if we're in a relationship. But it's just more often than it has been since we've been together.
All in all it's getting harder to stop thinking, doubting, considering and talking over with myself the idea of leaving her. I'm not even sure why I have this lack of feelings, Christmas is on it's way and it should be a great time for us but I just don't feel all there. This has been happening for about 4-5 weeks now. Every night I just think about how I'd feel if I left her and what would happen, weighing it out in my mind.
Anyone else ever had feelings like this before?
