(Ok...first off there is no Cliff Note version of this story...so it is going to seem long and drawn out. I apologize for this beforehand but it's truly the only way to express all of the emotions and issues at hand in this situation properly. So if you make it to the end...you are a persistent one and I applaud you and very excitedly await your advice.)
From the beginning....Party #1, we shall call her Kay, and I have known each other for just over 2 years now. We met because I received a call about a broken down truck at a residence that I was being sent out to fix. My Boss jokingly told me the owner of the vehicle was a cougar (49) and rumored to be going through a divorce so I (A 37 single cub) should be careful.
I have never in my life believed in love at first sight....but I tell you what...there was definitely chemistry immediately between us. Feeding off this I made a move and offered her my card telling her to use it for anything she needed at all....emphasizing the ANYTHING part. I know what you are thinking and I agree....it was MAJOR lust.
We started texting, which led to long highly enjoyable phone conversations, which led to our first date. All behind her husbands back. At first that notion was exciting and fun...but then I started to fall for her...hard. It was long after our first sexual encounter that I realized I have truly fallen in love with this woman. I told myself at the time it had to be real because we had gotten everything out of the way....friendship...sex...I mean everything we did was good....everything. Our arguments were even fun.
Well this was when the sham she called a marriage came into play and the excitement wore off quickly and the sneaking became an issue. A little background of what I mean by "sham". Their marriage had fallen apart years before. They still slept in the same bed but there was no love....no sex...no nice words between them. They were only together "for the kids".
It was about 6 months into our "relationship" when I started wanting more....started having a problem with the leaving every night....usually right after awesome love making...usually shortly after...within 30 minutes. That really was my biggest complaint at the time...my love for her wanted more time...and she hated leaving too.
I never made a big scene about it...I discussed it with her....she begged me for more time and more understanding. Which I always gave to her. We knew everything about each other. I shared things with her I've never shared with anyone...and her the same. It's this knowledge that became the real problem when her husband found out about me. I'll explain that a bit more after I reveal the big reveal.
Our "relationship" became exposed due to a little mishap of her leaving her phone unlocked in the bathroom while her eldest son used the bathroom. Needless to say he seen some texts...nothing too intimate...but enough to know what was going on. He confronted her about it....she denied with a very weak story...but thought he bought it.
Everything continued as normal.
Now...when son finally told Dad about what he had found on a fishing trip for just the two of them...thats where the knowledge of each other came into play. Her and him have 3 children. 2 of which are under the age of 18. I have a.....colorful past. Made some mistakes...did a little time in prison. Learned my lesson, have been on the up and up for over nearly 20 years now. I was completely honest with her about my past VERY early on in the "relationship". She knew everything. But the first thing ole' Hubby did with the information he had was run a background check. You can imagine the chaos that ensued shortly after.
Needless to say...after a year into our "relationship" a divorce was in the works. She moved into her parents, because he used my past to scare the kids into turning against their Mother, and our "relationship" didn't change a bit. She still hid her car when she came to my apartment. She still lied to everyone to see me. All this left me with a bad taste in my mouth...I may not be proud of my past....but I have accepted it due to the fact that I am happy where I am...and feel my past led me here. But this all made me feel like I was lying to myself.
About 4 months of this my job status took a turn for the worse. My savings were dried up quickly and I was losing my apartment fast. I begged her to be open...we were so happy...we could move in and survive together. I never go more than a month without work so I just needed a place and to not lose her. She refused...stating that being open would make her entire family turn their back on her.
So I had 2 choices...be homeless and lose pretty much everything....or move in with an ex and lose her. My unhappiness with her answers...and her stance on us made me choose the latter. I was VERY open and honest with her about my intentions of moving back in with Party #2 (We shall call her Tee) but didn't have an exact date on when the move was happening.
Needless to say it happened very quickly, and I never got a chance to tell Kay about it. She was devastated to find I had moved when she showed up to my apartment the next day. With no money...phone cut off...no vocal way of contacting her, I repeatedly attempting emailing her shortly after so as not to lose contact completely. No responses.
Fast forward 3 months....finally back in the black and with a phone I called her. She came by my job nearly immediately...and all those feelings came back immediately. We shared time together whenever we could. She had another guy in her life...but in 3 months of dating he had already cheated on her. Tee and I had already remembered why we broke up the first time and had come to an agreement that we were just roommates. It is a relationship of convenience...she wasn't alone, I had a nice place to stay for low rent.
Fast forward to present....I miss her horribly. I think of her constantly. I know I hurt her by moving out...but have done everything in my power to make up for it. Even listening to her sob over this loser she calls a boyfriend every time he hurts her...sometimes being as neutral as I can be to make her happy in any manner I can. Our sex continued...usually after he hurts her....but not always. She knows all about Tee and Tee knows about her...as long as I don't bring her to the house it's all gravy. But I still feel the desire to make a life with her...and she tells me the same.
I have numerous times told her I will move out and get my own place again so her and I could be together....so he can stop hurting her...she can leave him. But she doesn't want to let him go...reasoning is because she can be open to her family about him....but they don't know what he does to her nearly on a weekly basis...I mean he promised her all these plans for her Birthday one night...then stood her up...ON HER BIRTHDAY!!! I ended up in her arms...consoled her...she told me I was the love of her life. But still cannot be with me openly because of her kids and parents.
She continues to forgive him over and over...at least she quit calling me every time he hurts her now because I finally stood up and told her I wasn't her emotional crutch...she needed to leave him and find a good man...I just want her happy even if it's not with me. But now I've lost that...and miss her even more. Feel like I made a mistake.
I just don't know what to do...I've tried moving on...I cut off contact...blocked her number...but she shows up somewhere crying begging me not to leave her. I can't stand to see her cry...so I break down every time.
She keeps asking me to wait...I pushed for specifics...she said Christmas. But nothings changed...and I know nothing will after Christmas...she still continues with him...dating and sex. While I sit at home pretty much alone waiting....been waiting for love for 2 years now....2 years today to be exact.....
What do I do?
