Interesting read, advice on complicated relationship
Are you all ready for a tale, because I got a doozy.
I’ll start right from the beginning, get a cup of coffee/beer/popcorn and be prepared for an entertaining story.
I left my wife of 20 years, moved out, and started a new phase of my life (She cheated, and I fell out of love with her, just for reference).
After a few months I started this whole new (to me) online dating, and after a while started chatting to a Chinese girl online.
She pretty much stated she had a boyfriend, but that he wasn’t a good boyfriend. Long story short, his idea of a relationship was dinner once a week, virtually no sex, not living together not even a toothbrush at her house.
This was an 18 month relationship, and she had had enough,
However, she loved him dearly, and what’s worse, at 35, this was her first love.
She texted me one night a few nights after we first met online, distraught because he had taken her to a family do, then dropped her unceremoniously back at her house before returning to his. She was very upset, so I went around and met her for the first time.
We talked a little about him, then I took her bowling to cheer her up. We got along really well, and to my surprise when I suggested we return to her house, she readily agreed. I spent the night, no sex, but in her bed cuddling. The next night she came over to mine for a spa, and that night we had sex. She is not “that type of girl” so for her to sleep with me so soon was an indication of her need to find someone else in her life.
OK, I was now dating a girl who already had a boyfriend, but I KNEW this right from the start, and at that stage I was thinking it was perfect. A sexy Asian girlfriend to see casually, and when she broke up we could get more serious. In the meantime I had regular (and good!) sex, and feeling a bit better about life after the separation.
But then probably a month or two in, I bloody well went and fell in love with her (who can say exactly when love starts?).
She was still in love with dickhead boyfriend, but seeing him less and less.
Then step two on my mad journey, when my lease expired, I moved in with her. You will see how remote and distant her boyfriend was for that to even be possible!
Yes, I know, madness…
At this stage she was STILL seeing him (now 3 months). We went on holiday together, were livng together, basically being a complete couple, except that “officially” he was her boyfriend.
Finally after 4 months she breaks up with him, and that’s when things got complicated…(funny enough). You see, now she misses him, and my being with her 24/7 is just confusing things. Oh, she also has not fallen in love with me. She cares for me, respects me, wants to continue seeing me, but has not crossed that line and fallen in love. At this stage, I even said to her "If you need space to get over him, just let me know"
So, the crux of my post, after 5 months, she wants me to move out temporarily so she can find herself, have some space, and work out what she really wants. How “temporary” this would be is up for discussion, she says 1-2 months.
I will move to a place that’s only close by (like, walking distance). This is in the process of being organised, but she is already happier knowing that this is in progress. In fact SHE found this place through her friends, and was happy it was so close "you can visit me often"
She is not financially well off, so I have been helping her, like paying her rent and bills. If I don’t do that, she basically has to bum off her family. She fled China 3 years ago with no English to escape a horrible, life threatening situation, so please understand she can’t get a job with minimal English.
She wants me to continue paying the rent, minus what I need to pay for the 2nd place (I’m only renting a spare room, so cheap). I will even go over for meals, and as stated before, quite often I will stay over.
If I were to say “No, if I move out you have to pay the rent yourself” (Which I am sure 99% of you readers will reply with) I would basically be abandoning her.
If she is using me for money, then doing so would simply alleviate me some future heart ache.
If however she is genuine in asking for space (and the situation lends itself to that), and I state that I won’t support her, I’ll blow any chance of keeping her. She will take that as a lack of faith and trust in her reasons.
OK, so you’ve read the entire story now, you have all the details at hand:
I love her
She loved another, but has now broken up with him because he’s a no idea how to commit to a relationship.
We moved in together too quickly, because it was convenient, and was fine to begin with.
Now she wants to uncomplicate her life, have some “space” but still see me, but not live together.
What do you fine people think?
Is she likely to grow closer to me, and eventually move back in together?
OR
Am I just getting let go slowly, AND used for money as well.
