Been feeling miserable, she loves him.
I met her at work. I didn't think much of it when I first met her. She was cute and funny. Outgoing.
Fast forward to 5 months later, she moved to my department and that's when we started to really talk to one another. We exchanged numbers and we'd text back and fourth until 2AM. Then she would text me to see how I'm doing, and I'd do the same thing.
She was a fun person, loved to talk about different things. It just felt like we clicked. We would joke around alot, and she would always just be a fun person to be around. I went went bowling with her sisters which was fun.
Later I found that she helps people. She's a caring giving person. And beautiful. Inside and out. That's when I realized I fell for her. I realized I was in trouble. She noticed and got distant. It was a long summer of confusion and being miserable because of that. I tried to hide it but obviously it showed. Later I admitted it, and we became close again. I Felt like things were going back to the way it was because we have not really text in a while or just sat down to talk. We'd go out for lunch, and get coffee as well.
These past couple of weeks, I was finishing my finals. We both been to busy to do anything. But I was looking forward to take her out on Friday. Then it happened. I saw an announcement on Facebook. She hooked up with one of my other co workers(who quit). Since then I been feeling isolated. Combine that with finding out an old friend commited suicide the same day I found out. I felt alone.
She still comes around and talks. She still approaches me to talk to me. I guess I should be thankful for that. But it hurts too because I care so much about her but i can never be with her.
She's been the closest friend I got. I fell in love with who she was. She knows how I feel, she knows that I did feel bad after finding out about her new relationship. But she still comes around to talk. I been keeping my distance and just trying to be positive about the whole thing.
I guess I should be happy for her. If you care about someone so much, you gotta let them be happy. Even if it means your left behind. I feel so irrelevant right now. I been going for long drives late at night in the city, not knowing where i'm going. I go to downtown, try to take my mind off of it. But with new years approaching, seeing the ice skaters ate Pershing Square where I wanted to take her. I just realize how alone i am. I feel myself slowly drifting into depression.
And I been losing a lot of weight. People ask if I'm running, but I hardly run right now. I try to get over her, I talk to other women but none of them click. All I can think of is her.
I got another friend who has a boyfriend who lives in Europe. Basically they're pen pals. She likes to hang out with me. We met this past semester. Now here's the funny part. Felt good to have her around because I felt like I can forget about my friend at work. I realize I have a hard time feeling the same way for her. i think it's because I realize I'm just looking for a replacement for what I feel. But it's mainly the fact that she has a long distance relationship and kid. So ya, I know it's smart to just not go that route. But she has been asking me to get the same class as her. IDK..
I don't want to be bitter about this, I'm just confused. Initially I felt on top of the world. This girl would text me all the time. Now I just feel buried and phased out like I was nothing.
