After 5 yrs....Good times and bad..

I had what I thought was my soul mate. We worked together, worked out together, road motorcycles together, went out together ,was my best friend, my world. After a cold sterile marriage of 20 yrs prior to meeting her, I thought I had finally found the one. After the first few years things started to change. She started to become very self focused and difficult. She acknowledged to me she was Bipolar. She has become down right cruel to me. I kept hanging in there, trying to rationalized she had a mental problem, and I would ignore how she could treat me at times, and stay in there. Long story short, she move in with me, moved out, left came back, been a roller costar to say the least. I have never been so happy and so devastated.

My brain knows its probably for the better she walked away again, but my heart is devastated....again.

I hope to learn some coping skills, I am really hurting and struggling to rebuild my life without her. I feel all alone and out of sorts without her. I am depressed and dont feel like doing much. I have not seen much of my friends the last 5 yrs because I was always with her.

Thanks for any advice help you can offer.

JJ