How to handle situation with cheating fiance who is an actress
I will warn people now my story will probably be long, I just don't know what else to do. I thought this new year would be a good one, but it hasn't started out so well. Every day I wake up and feel like I'm in some terrible romantic comedy..but one that might not have a happy ending. It seems surreal or like some type of really terrible joke. Ok so I'm 30 years old and so is my fiance, she is an actress. I mention her occupation because it's an important part of my dilemma. So I really do love my fiance..I am in love with her and I do feel she is my soul mate. I never really believed in "soul mates" before..and I'd been burned in the past by women, but she is different and she is an amazing woman. We recently got engaged and I am happy for that..but now I've just been placed in a very awkward position and it is making me sick.
So she is an actress, but not like a tv/movie actress..she does a lot of theatre and stuff, though she does sometimes talk about trying out for movies, etc. She's not famous or anything like that, though I do feel she is beautiful and talented, but then I'm in love with her so I could be bias. She has steady work though, so it's not just something she does on the side or anything. Anyways, around 2 months into our relationship she cheated on me. I will admit it could of been worse, there was no sex or anything..but there was a lot of kissing and fondling. She has friends in the same business as her(a big group of people) and they help each other rehearse, etc. at times for various things. I guess the guy she cheated with was some dude who was an actor, she said she was very very drunk and it only happened once and she felt awful and terrible about it and that it meant nothing.
To be honest, I've been burned before so I probably wouldn't of believed she didn't go all the way with this guy if it wasn't for how I found out about her cheating. She cheated 2 months into us being together, I did not find out until 7 months in. She had left her facebook open and I had gone on her computer to check my email and she had left open something with another actress friend of hers where they were discussing what she did because they both knew the guy. From reading the conversation with the friend it did confirm that it indeed had not gone beyond some drunken making out and fondling and I could indeed see that she felt really guilty about it and how horrified with herself she was and how she said it meant nothing, wouldn't ever happen. This made me feel good, but of course I was still devastated by this. I confronted her about it and she broke down and was crying and told me how she had not told me because she did not want to lose me and she was afraid I'd think it went farther then it did and all this stuff.
I was so hurt by this and to make it even worse she never told me about it and I might of never known if I had not seen that message and that really made it hard for me to deal with. I know some people will say "it was just kissing" but it was some drunken making out and fondling..just picturing her letting this guy feel her up and stuff made me feel sick to my stomach. We came within an inch of breaking up..but we didn't. I did decide to forgive her, but I told her she couldn't really be hanging out with this guy or letting anything like this happen again or I was gone. I love her so much, but I can only take so much.
So that was all about 2 years ago. Since then everything has been good(fantastic even). She did go out of her way to show me how sorry she was for what she did and..well, I won't ever forget, but I did forgive. So yeah and recently I did feel confident in her that I asked her to marry me and she said yes. However, now comes the crazy part..recently we are at a party on New Years Day with her family. At one point her father makes some mention that I should "convince her not to pass up good opportunities". I had no idea what he even meant, but when he said this my fiance got this look on her face and I just knew something was wrong. Apparently a few days earlier she found out she was up for some big part in a play, but was hesitant. I had not even heard about this and she told me she had planned on telling me about it once she decided if she wanted to do it, but I found this very odd for her to of not mentioned it and she was acting like she almost thought I wouldn't be happy for her.
I bring this up to her on the way home from her folks house and she informs me that basically she has been given an offer which could be a pretty big break for her and her career. So I am thinking ok that is good news, but then she tells me that there are love scenes. I never minded this, I know what she does and sometimes she plays a character who might have to kiss another character, etc. I know it is just acting...but then she drops this bomb and tells me one of the actors in one of the scenes is the same douche from 2 years ago..the one she cheated on me with. This pretty much felt like someone just punched a hole through my stomach.
I am at a loss at what to do and feel like I am in a lose lose situation. I want to say to myself I should be the bigger man and I should not mind my fiance will be constantly making out with the guy she cheated on me with, but I can't pretend this doesn't break my heart into a million pieces, just the thought of it conjures up those old memories and the pain it caused. I can't and won't tell her to not take this job, but I feel so much sadness now for my life. I feel like if she doesn't take it she will resent me and blame me for it and her family will also hate me and blame me for causing her to miss a big opportunity.
I can't lie though, her taking this would cause problems too. Her family would expect me to support her..they would expect me there! They would expect me to attend this performance at least once, to have to watch her make out with the guy she cheated on me with. I know how her family is, they would say I don't support her if I did not show up. But how could I watch that? I love her so much, but I don't think I could watch it..it would hurt so much. That is not the only problem, there is also the fact of even if I don't have to witness it..just knowing she is being with this man and having to rehearse and kiss him many times, etc. I..I do not know what to do.
I feel like I am in some terrible movie I want to wake up from, but I never do. I told her I would never ever tell her not to do this, but I also could not lie to her..I did tell her that if she told me today she decided to take it that it is not like I would leave her..but that I also would not be sure our relationship could survive it. We barely survived her cheating and this just seems like it is hacking open old wounds and..again you can see why I just feel like someone is playing a sick joke on me. I don't know what to do anymore, what do I do? What do I tell her? I feel like such a horrible person. I find myself feeling anger at her..like..why did she have to cheat on me with someone in the same profession as her? That just meant the chances they would be put together again were not small..I just don't really know what to think now.
