He seems indifferent... advice please?
I am engaged to my dream man and we are very compatible in almost every way... but he doesn’t make me feel loved. I am a very loving sort person and go out of my way to make his lunches in the morning, tell him I love him multiple times a day, and spend as much time with him as I can. I am unsure of whether I am being overly sensitive or if he is really indifferent to me (which is what it feels like). These are the sorts of things that give me the vibe that he is indifferent:
1) I am almost always the first to say I love you. He always says it back but rarely says it first. 2) When I want him to take me on a date I have to ask. He is always willing but never goes out of his way to request these types of things. 3) He never asks me to watch movies together or spend time together. Even small things like when we are studying (we are both in grad school) he seems just as happy to study in separate rooms. If I ask him to move and study with me he gladly does so but it doesn’t seem to matter to him.
Today is a great example of typical behavior: He got home from work, went upstairs for 30 min to change and clean up, came down and ate quickly then is out of the room again checking email and hanging out. I knew he wanted to go to the gym tonight and since its already 8:30pm I went to check on him to see if thats still the plan. He was laying in bed, looking at his phone and said he is still going to the gym, meaning he wont be back until 10pm which is when we will go to bed. I did tell him that I have alot of homework tonight but he has made no effort to spend a minute of his time tonight with me. Basically, after not seeing him all day, I wont see him at all tonight either.
I would love another perspective on these sorts of behaviors. Is this normal or odd? I did not grow up around men and have a hard time understanding what is normal for them. I realize that this is the stereotypical line from a woman but I want him to want to me around me, not do it because I ask him to. Any advice?
He seems indifferent... advice please?
There is a great book called 5 love languages, I think it would really help you. Basically we tend love different. Some feel loved by wanting time or to hear it and some feel loved by just being supported and takin care of. Well just google the book and take the quiz and you will feel so much better.
He seems indifferent... advice please?
Your man sounds very much like my boyfriend. He doesn't need the closeness like I do, he doesn't feel it is necessary to spend every waking minute with me and doesn't feel the need to tell me he loves me all the time.
I was used to a very full on intense relationship before him, we were very close and constantly intimate etc. so when I met my partner, after the honeymoon period was over I felt very 'untouched'.
I did speak to him about it, and since he has done little things to help that. He initiates the cuddling, sex and will act 'lovey'.. All the little things.
But after listening to him, I see more of the way he cares in the way he shows it. He calls me everyday to see how my day is going, he will make sure dinner is out on the table, make sure I have everything I need etc.
It isn't dramatic in wanting things to be the way you do, people show love in different ways and like others have mentioned it is understanding each other's language.
I have learned to love the way my partner is and see that he does in fact care and love me. But you have to decide if you can live with the way your partner shows his love without neglecting your own needs.
All the best :)