Why did it take her so long ?

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10-01-14, 11:14 PM
Archive204

Why did it take her so long ?

I was in a relationship for a year, only 2 months after we get over the one year mark. My now Ex Girlfriend goes to another country to see her family. Now she does this every year so I had nothing to think of it. I missed her alot for Christmas but I was happy to know she was happy out there.

She comes back from her vacation to tell me on the phone that me and her need to talk. She comes over the next day to talk to tell me that she does not love me the same way I love her she just does not feel it. I could hear in her voice that their was something more too it. I got her to tell me what was wrong and she said when she was out there she cheated on me.

When me and her first got together a year before I asked to never cheat on me if she ever wanted to break up just tell me but no she could not do that. I don't know why it took her a year to figure out she did not love me the way I love her.

She then cried and and said she still wants me to be her friend she said she can't see her life with out talking to me everyday. I don't understand how can you say you don't love me the same way I love you but still say you can't see your life with out talking to me.

I bought her a ring because deep in my heart I felt she was one and that who year she showed nothing about she did not love me. She tells me how she wishes she could make her heart love me but she can't.

why would it take some one that long to figure out they don't love some one the same way you love them. She says she loves me and cares about me but not as a woman loves a man.
10-01-14, 11:41 PM
Boisdevie

The whole 'I care for you but don't love you' is just words, bullshit. Just accept it's over because she's already checked out of the relationship.
Life is complicated. There's no rule that says 'after x months you know for sure it'll work for ever and ever. And you'll live happily ever after like in one of those shitty romantic comedies'.
11-01-14, 12:07 AM
searock

Quote:

Originally Posted by Archive204 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't know why it took her a year to figure out she did not love me the way I love her.

In the beginning of any relationship (the honeymoon period) it's difficult to discern between actual love and infatuation. She was probably infatuated with you, so she thought she would give it a try, but after the honeymoon period was over and her infatuation dissolved, she realized that there was no romantic love behind her infatuation. It's actually a very common thing to happen.

Quote:

She then cried and and said she still wants me to be her friend she said she can't see her life with out talking to me everyday. I don't understand how can you say you don't love me the same way I love you but still say you can't see your life with out talking to me.

It's normal to feel this way immediately after a breakup from a long(ish)-term relationship. She is used to talking to you every day, so the change scares and upsets her. She'll get over it soon, in less than a month. Mature people know that they shouldn't say these things to a dumpee, even if they truly feel them, because it just makes the dumpee more hurt and confused. You both sound pretty young and inexperienced though, that's probably why she told you. It doesn't mean that she loves you romantically. It just means that she is used to you and is scared and upset because of the change.

Quote:

I bought her a ring because deep in my heart I felt she was one and that who year she showed nothing about she did not love me. She tells me how she wishes she could make her heart love me but she can't.

It happens. Buying gifts for someone and being convinced that they are "the one" will not make them love you more or less than they already do (or don't).

Quote:

why would it take some one that long to figure out they don't love some one the same way you love them. She says she loves me and cares about me but not as a woman loves a man.

Again, it didn't "take her long", she was just infatuated at the beginning and then infatuation faded with time (as it always does after the honeymoon period) and she was able to see things with a clear mind, and she realized she didn't love you romantically. It happens. Be glad that she realized it after just one year, and didn't waste your or her time waiting and waiting for something that would never come.

She does love you non-romantically, she doesn't love you romantically. It's not that hard to understand, although it can be hard to accept.

You should go no contact and move on with your life. She belongs in the past.