Things I can do to even out my emotions

Already posted what happened to me awhile back. But I thought I will do a quick recap...

Been with my fiance for 3 years. Had a child. She was able to find work. Fell in love with someone at her work. I let her go because I wanted her to be happy. I moved away to my parents house and became emotionally unstable. She still considers me a friend (as in her best friend sometimes...). She had her new boyfriend move in with her.


Now a year and and several of mouths later and I still can't get over her. I have been seeing a therapist weekly. Though, since it's free I can't get any medication for my emotions.

I wanted to be with my son more, so I had the idea of moving back down to at least see Vincent. Though because of my job I could transfer down there, but it won't be enough hours to live in a apartment. So I thought I should just live in my car. At this point of my life, my son needs me the most and I can't really stay here any longer.

Most of my emotions is getting better though. I have already tried dating again and even some NSA. But I always think about my ex. I just can't seem to get over her even though I have stop talking to her.

At this point, I am pretty sure I will never get over her and I don't want to try anymore. I want her to be happy even with another guy, but my son needs me. I can't live in another state while he is growing up. I need to take him out again like a park. Hell, I even want to potty train him since my ex has not been doing a good job at is and he is almost 4.

My ex told me that she may, which is 100% it is because she is trying to not hurt my feelings, leave her state and marry her boyfriend and live with his parents. She said she would leave our son at her mothers house where I can see him. Her mother is cool, and I might be able to live with her instead of living in my car to be with Vincent. Though, I will have to talk to her about that.

I am happy that she is happy. But I am also sad at times. A year ago I think I would get even more crazy, but I have been doing a ok job evening myself out.

Granted, things are not 100% even. Trying to fight this feeling of sadness and worthlessness. It's a odd feeling. Having a child together who I have not seen in over a year makes things complicated and worse.

Right now the only things that really make me feel better is games. Played Metal Gear Rising (which just came out for PC) and that really helped with my emotions. Made me feel that even though my ex is with someone else and that I will always be there for her with out getting anything back makes me a badass. That game has put me in some sort of Zen. But not all games do it for me. League of Legends helps sometimes, but only if I don't get crushed by the other team really really bad. So no Player vs Player for me.




So my question is... what do you think I should do to help even out my emotions when they start to break down?

I have already tried to find love elsewhere. Dated 2 different woman this year. 1 ended because I told her that I can't date when I still love someone else. The other had issues she had to deal with her ex that she ended up being with (which I didn't care much, only that I was jealous). The 3 woman I NSA were ok. But the sex didn't help much. Hell, I felt SICK having slept with someone else. Like I was cheating on her or something.