Will my ex ever want me back?

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19-01-14, 04:02 AM
qwertyu

Will my ex ever want me back?

We were incredibly close. We told each other everything. We were together 3 years.

Then he started seeing another girl quite a lot. He promised me he had no feelings for her and that they were only friends, but I came very close to dumping him because of their relationship so one day he cried to me telling me I was right and that he did have feelings for her. He told me that for some reason he wanted to look for "emotional connections" with other girls and he didn't know why because he had me and I gave him everything. He promised me he would stop doing that, but he said that he didn't want to stop being friends with the other girl because she meant a lot to him.

For some reason, being the idiot that I am, I told him I was ok with it. I felt bad at the idea of restricting him. So him and this other girl grew closer. They planned a big holiday with a lot of their friends, which I told him I was ok with. At the last minute though I found out that they were going to stay in the same room and I wasn't ok with it, but my ex wouldn't listen to me and he still went there.

I cried a lot and he cried a lot too out of guilt. When he came back home we spent a lot of time together and he always reassured me it was me he wanted, not her. That if he wanted her he wouldn't be with me at all. But she already had a boyfriend so I told him that the reason he wasn't with her is because she isn't available. He said that wasn't true and somehow made it up to me by being around, taking me out a lot and basically having lots of fun together for a few weeks. We grew incredibly close as he was trying to prove to me how much he "really" loved me.

Then one day he was acting weird. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he was feeling bad because he wasn't sure about our relationship, but another thing that bothered him was that his female friend stopped talking to him. For a week he was miserable because of it, and then he felt better when she started talking to him again a week later, but then he kept on talking about how he wasn't sure about our relationship. In the end I couldn't take it, so I broke up with him. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. He cried a lot for about a week after we broke up (we lived in the same house).

We planned to stay good friends and we got on well. But 2 weeks later, he told me something "happened" between him and the female friend we were having trouble with. I got incredibly annoyed at him. I told him it wasn't fair and I questioned the validity of the last year of our relationship. I thought everything he told me was a lie. Every time he went to see her I would react worse and worse until I completely pushed him away because he couldn't stand my reactions. Now we don't speak at all and I think he's happier with her because he doesn't have to deal with me feeling bad about his relationship with her.

It took me a long time to digest the fact that he didn't love me anymore (and may have never loved me at all) and that he genuinely doesn't care about me. I realise that I'm better off not being his friend. But still, I'm hoping that their relationship will fail eventually in the same way ours did. I want him to go through the same pain I went through. I took it really hard because I was genuinely in love with him. the breakup also came at a very bad time because I'm at my last year of uni and it should take a lot of concentration to finish it.

What I want to know is, from your experiences, do you think that his new relationship will work? Do you think that he'll ever contact me again if his relationship fails? He thinks he did nothing wrong... will he ever realise that he WAS wrong? I feel like the only way for me to get closure is to know that he's sorry for what he did to me. I don't want him back anymore because I realise he isn't a good person or a real friend, but I'd still like to hear that he'll eventually either regret his decision to leave me or at least admit that it was wrong to string me along for a whole year while he knew he would get with the other girl the first chance he got.
19-01-14, 05:22 AM
4 ratties

I know after a breakup, there are lot of questions that you have. He doesn't realize how inappropriate he was with this girl and how much it hurt you. Is she single now? I'm sure after they get together for real and they are no longer forbidden and the fun dies down, that he MAY realize what he did to you. He's kind of in a whirlwind right now. He doesn't really care about this girl. He has some problems so he found someone to emotionally connect with. He's being shady. I can't believe u put up with them hanging out. You enabled him. If he was a strong, good person, then he never would be weak and obsessed with this girl. You are the better person. I'm serious just move on. U deserve someone who doesn't let the love go after three long years. Try your best to train yourself to not think about him and ask questions all the time. Life doesn't make sense. Just move on and I hope things work out with your next guy.
19-01-14, 05:24 AM
4 ratties

There's no telling how long this relationship will last between them. The whole hanging out and flirting but not really being together is meeting some of their needs but will eventually fizzle out. Is she single now? When two ppl who are fresh out of a relationship and get into another right away, there is a high chance it won't be a happy good relationship. But there's always an exception. He's immature and weak and she's a cheater as well so who cares if they last or not . There gonna be miserable regardless in the end
19-01-14, 07:30 AM
Wakeup

Quote:

We planned to stay good friends and we got on well.

What in the name of god is wrong with you people that want to keep old discarded lovers in your life? It is the worst thing you could be doing to yourself. It will stagnate you from moving on. No new lover will take kindly to you still being embroiled with your past lover. You are displaying codependent tendancies when you can not let go of someone that you need to let go of.

Neither of you were meant to be LIFEpartners so why would you want to remain that in the demoted state of friend? That does nothing for your healing, your cleansing of them from your heart and mind and subsequently you being able to see the goodness of other men that may want to pursue you. So, in future don't bother entertaining the idea of keeping someone that would demote you to just friend, as a friend. Ugh.

This guy couldn't bond with you and that is why he sought out other woman. Find someone that DOESN'T HAVE TO SUPPLEMENT you in order to be happy. Learn to not want anything to do with people that don't really like you but are to weak to actually let you go.

Quote:

I took it really hard because I was genuinely in love with him.

You should have left him when he told you that he needed other women to fulfil some emotional void. Instead you basically just told him it was okay for him to keep doing it until he left you for one of these women that he needed to supplement you with.

Have more confidence in yourself. Learn to love yourself enough to let someone go that is blatantly telling you that you are not the one he really wants but he'll keep you around until he finds her. You can do better than someone like him.

It takes more then one sided love to make a relationship work, hell it takes more then two people loving one another to make a good relationship and to maintain it. Don't settle for your own feelings anymore. Make sure you're having his as well.

Quote:

Will my ex ever want me back

Get help for your low self-respect. Anyone with a bit wouldn't want someone like him back. He can't be trusted, he needs to supplement any woman he is with with other woman, he tells woman what they want to hear. He is incapable of truly committing himself fully to one chick. Why can't you see that? When you CAN see that... you'd not want to touch him with a 10 foot pole.
19-01-14, 07:46 AM
Wakeup

Further: (because you are ridiculously not looking out for your own emotional health with this guy and your OBSESSION of him is unwarranted.)

This is what you said to me in one of your many threads on this asshole that you are obsessed with:

Quote:

Originally Posted by qwertyu [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm more annoyed at his hypocrisy because he always told me that he'll never be in a relationship in which someone was able to dictate to him who he was allowed or not allowed to see. That's why he kept seeing the other girl while he was still with me. And even after we broke up he told me that he'll still keep seeing me, and if the other girl tried to stop him from seeing me then he would break up with her.

When a man tells you that after you've told him that you are not happy with his interactions with a member of the opposite sex. If he does NOTHING to change up the dynamics of that interaction with her, if he continues to do the very thing(s) that make you uneasy, then he DOES NOT CARE ENOUGH ABOUT YOU TO CONTINUE ON WITH HIM. This should have been clear to you when he disrespected the girl he was with to fk around emotionally with you. This man has a pattern that only profession therapy is going to help him overcome.

Stop being a door matty type girlfriend. If they don't or won't at least try to appease your concerns in some way, then they don't care enough about you to make the relationship last. It's not rocket science. Learn to frame YOURSELF as the prize and stop framing guys that disrespect you and your relationship as the prize.. Your's still framing him as the prize after he's shown you over and over again that you are not. Stop doing this to yourself and accept him for who he is. An asshole that is not a good partner to you.