My Girlfriend's Past Constantly Tortures Me.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for a little more then 9 months now, and I’ve been more or less struggling with feelings of insecurity and jealousy the whole time. I’m not so much jealous of anything in the present as I am about things in my girlfriend’s past. I know she has had quite a lot of sexual partners before me, was a topless dancer and is very sexually knowledgeable. This seems to play on my mind endlessly. I get constant streams of thoughts about partners she might have had and what she did with them. I once read some stuff in her diary about sex that both shocked and disgusted me. But after we talked about it I thought I probably took a lot of stuff out of context and that maybe it wasn’t as bad as I first imagined. But things like this still bothers me and make me anxious about our relationship.
I can’t stop thinking about my girlfriend’s past. I can’t even walk down the street with her and see another man glance at her as she is very attractive, and not think: “Has she been with him?” "Have he seen her naked in her past profession?" And if we’re engaged in sexual play, I’ll often find myself asking, “Where did she learn to do that?” And then I start imagining the dozens of times she’s been with other guys.
I’m not sure if what I’m experiencing is actual jealousy or something else. I trust my girlfriend in the present, and I know she truly cares for me and supports me with my problems and I’m sure she wouldn’t hurt me with doing things with others while we’re together. My problem is letting go of the things she’s done in the past or possibly even discovering new things about her past sexual exploits. I can’t even imagine how I would feel if I ever met someone she has had sex with or even possibly performed for.
What are these irrational fears and insecurities all about and how do I get over them? Has anyone ever got over this issue in a relationship? or can offer some advice on what I can do to get past this.. it's the only thing that's stopping me from letting go completely.
My Girlfriend's Past Constantly Tortures Me.
Sometimes it's better not to know the last of our lovers, it can bring up jealousy for those that are insecure.
You really cannot expect anybody to not have a sexual past, so if you love this woman you will just have to try get over it because this will never change with whoever you meet.
If she is with you and you trust her, don't let her past bother you. It's not happening right now.. And jealousy of this kind is a great way to completely destroy a relationship as you may become resentful.
I sometimes feel this jealousy over my boyfriends past lovers.. But then I just snap out of those thoughts as soon as they appear and remember he is with me. If he wanted that, he would be still there.
Reading her diary was a huge violation of privacy. I would be SO p*ssed off if someone I trusted read mine. That is not respectful towards her and you should really just try to keep these thoughts at bay.
Try keeping an elastic band around your wrist and snapping it hard every time you think about her past. Or just occupying yourself with something else to keep your mind busy.
If you are that jealous, maybe a ex topless dancer isn't the right match for you.