What Nelson Mandela has taught me about forgiveness

Hello everyone. I am new here today.

My girl friend said goodbye to me about 2 and half weeks ago. She came clean with me by saying she was seeing some other guy and how I am not the right one for her. And that they will be going for a tour together soon.

I accepted that and as I gave her a hug I said, "thanks for everything and thanks for trying. take care."

I went immediately into NC and for the first time in months I was able to sleep well not needing to worry about her drinking habits and getting home drunk every night whilst interacting with other men that she said i have no need to know previously.

I felt calm after the break up...eventhough feeling sad for once in a while but most of all, I was relieved.

She called me couple of days ago to ask me how I am doing and I cordially said I am doing fine.

I remembered that she was about to go for a tour and asked her to come get (or having me sending it over) her cosmetics and toiletries that are still left in my condo as she might need it for her travels.

She sounded annoyed and said that there is no hurry as the trip is not yet confirmed and there's no hurry for her to take it back nor me sending it over. She then hung up.

I was perplexed for awhile and then it finally hit me that either she was initiating a contact to rekindle or just being good hearted to see if I am fine after the break up.

Mayhaps due to my alpha male instinct, I felt good and powerful that she was annoyed. I told few of my close friends and bragged about it as of how now the ball is in my court and I don't plan to serve it back to her. It felt really good for a couple of days till today...

I realized eventhough I wasn't hurt neither did I loose my self esteem and confidence after the break up, if I keep bragging about it just to satisfy my ego (as she was the one who initiated the break up) I would still be thinking of her and that will make me her prisoner still and ironically created by my own thoughts.


“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.” Nelson Mandela

The above mentioned by perhaps one of the greatest leader in the world has woke me up this afternoon. That I was actually angry with awful things that happened during our relationship. Angry at her for breaking up and above all angry at myself for not standing up to what I believed in what a healthy relationship is all about,

Then I started to practice forgiveness. Forgive her for all the things she did or did not do, all that been said or not said...

And almost immediately after that I felt liberated, empowered and above all, felt peaceful with myself.

I forgive her not for her but for myself...eventhough there is no urge or necessity to tell her, but it will be reflected in my attitude towards her the next time we talk or meet up...

And as I forgive her, I felt that I am forgiving myself of my own flaws and imperfection, and of being human

With this I soon will be fully really ready to move on, bringing along sweet memories and lessons learnt to the next healthy relationship in the future.