she can't commit herself

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17-02-14, 07:20 AM
jeffglucker

she can't commit herself

Im 26 my girlfriend is 20, well shes not my girlfriend anymore. we broke up in october because she needed space.

Since that time we have continued being involved in each others lives.

Finally last week I sat down and said "what is going on between us?". she said "what do you mean?" i said"we aren't together but it sure does feel like it" and she said "i know, it's hard to explain"

i said "i need you to explain it so i know" she then said "i love you, i do, and i can see myself marrying you, but i can't fully commit to you" i was confused and asked what she meant, and she said "i just have commitment issues, there's things i need to work on and things you need to work on before we even think about getting serious, especially before we move next year"

i don't understand this at all. do you?
17-02-14, 07:37 AM
Lord Darkshire

She won't commit because she is keeping her options open, but she won't tell you that because that would result in her losing you. You need to stop seeing her so she knows what it is truly like to be broken up. Right now all you are is a security blanket for her and nothing more. You are not getting any younger and you are too old to be playing games like this. It's time to cut the cord for good so she can grow up and you can move on with your life.
17-02-14, 10:47 AM
jeffglucker

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lord Darkshire [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She won't commit because she is keeping her options open, but she won't tell you that because that would result in her losing you. You need to stop seeing her so she knows what it is truly like to be broken up. Right now all you are is a security blanket for her and nothing more. You are not getting any younger and you are too old to be playing games like this. It's time to cut the cord for good so she can grow up and you can move on with your life.

why does she want to move with me out of state then
17-02-14, 11:13 AM
dillonflakes

if you love her stick with it
17-02-14, 11:18 AM
basilandthyme

Jeff, what she may or may not be thinking has no relevance here. No matter what the cause, the fact is she's stringing you along. Now, are you going to be her puppet or are you going to place some boundaries for how you will or will not be treated.

My advice is to tell her that unless she's willing to commit, you will be moving forward without her in your life.
17-02-14, 11:23 AM
smackie9

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeffglucker [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

why does she want to move with me out of state then

Why did she break up with you and wanted space? Because things are not right with the both of you apparently. It's been months now and nothing has changed. You need to slam the hammer down and ask her what needs to be "worked on" or tell her you can't be kept in limbo and need to move on. It's time for her to cut the crap and get on with it.
17-02-14, 11:58 AM
Mattiemae

Fortunately in our society when someone says they need time and space it doesn't always mean the end of the relationship. It means they want time to figure out themselves and be on the right track in life. We like to assume things and jump to conclusions, but sometimes people do need time apart to figure out what they need to work on themselves so they can be a whole person in a relationship and not by dysfunctional and co-depdent. She's being honest with you. She states she loves you, but acknowledging she has issues to work on. There are plenty of couples that do take time apart and do this, and get back together have a good relationship. Sorry that most people have a negative point of view about relationships. But there are positive sides to things.

Every relationship is different, and my suggestion is to keep talking to her and get down to the bottom of why she feels the way she does without jumping to conclusions. She's the only one that has the answers for you. My other would be move on with your life, but keep communicating with her on friendship basis, until she's ready to move forward. This is possible, and sometimes you just have to let go for the moment and allow someone to breathe for a second and get back on track.

We don't have all the information here, and really creating different scenario's and stories only brings you confusion, and doesn't give you a clear picture of what is really going on. There is her reality, your reality and the reality others try to create for you. Really trust yourself enough to make the right choice for you. You know her better than anyone. You already know the answers before anyone says anything to you. You are really looking for validation of what you already know and feel.
17-02-14, 01:09 PM
smackie9

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mattiemae [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Fortunately in our society when someone says they need time and space it doesn't always mean the end of the relationship. It means they want time to figure out themselves and be on the right track in life. We like to assume things and jump to conclusions, but sometimes people do need time apart to figure out what they need to work on themselves so they can be a whole person in a relationship and not by dysfunctional and co-depdent. She's being honest with you. She states she loves you, but acknowledging she has issues to work on. There are plenty of couples that do take time apart and do this, and get back together have a good relationship. Sorry that most people have a negative point of view about relationships. But there are positive sides to things.

Every relationship is different, and my suggestion is to keep talking to her and get down to the bottom of why she feels the way she does without jumping to conclusions. She's the only one that has the answers for you. My other would be move on with your life, but keep communicating with her on friendship basis, until she's ready to move forward. This is possible, and sometimes you just have to let go for the moment and allow someone to breathe for a second and get back on track.

We don't have all the information here, and really creating different and stories only brings you confusion, and doesn't give you a clear picture of what is really going on. There is her reality, your reality and the reality others try to create for you. Really trust yourself enough to make the right choice for you. You know her better than anyone. You already know the answers before anyone says anything to you. You are really looking for validation of what you already know and feel.

The point is he has been talking to her for the last 5 months, and she keeps telling him the same thing. We are not creating scenarios and he isn't looking for validation, he's looking for answers. He's at the end of his rope because he is wondering if he should just keep wasting another year of his time to see what she wants. She is being inconsiderate of his feelings and stringing him along. It's bad karma to do that to people. It's time to just deal with it or get out.