Can rejection lead to an eventual relationship?

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18-02-14, 09:52 AM
plantbottle

Can rejection lead to an eventual relationship?

Hello, I have exhausted all of my resources and now am turning to this community.

For nearly 2 1/2 months or so, this girl and I have been spending time with one another at least once a week,
while skyping online almost every other day for multiple hours.

Recently, probably due to the closeness, I noticed I was getting attracted to her.
This was completely one sided and I was aware of it as well, because she would mention a guy that she's crushing on
from time to time.

So, with the foreknowledge that it is one-sided, I still continued the routine of meeting and talking until just the other day
when I just couldn't take it anymore and I told her how I felt. She was moved by the articulation of my feelings, yet she
"rejected" me saying she did not feel the same way, and requested that we remain friends, which I said may be difficult now.

I still have to see her at least once a week, and in my experience, because of our foundational friendship, as long as I'm still
kind and courteous, I have a chance at winning her over.

My question is, in your(everyones') experience, do relationships ever work out after a rejection to either party if an existing foundation
of friendship exists.

To expound upon what kind of friendship it was,
1. I could literally say I was in the top tier of her friends, as she was with me.
2. We spent lots of time alone together.
3. We expect to eat/talk with each other when we are in the same vicinity.

If a relationship can work out after the rejection I received, how should I treat her to ensure this success?

As of right now, I am not communicating with her, nor she with me (we have to see each other in a couple days however)

Any advice/suggestions/opinions are welcome..

Thank you again
18-02-14, 09:59 AM
bekho

Never give up. True love always win in the end.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk
18-02-14, 10:33 AM
TheEvilJester

I am not going to say it is impossible, but if she already told you she was only interested in you as a friend, that is probably not going to change. I mean, heck, I am sure it has happened many times, and will happen again. But, general rule of thumb, typically once a woman thinks of you as only a friend, that will probably always be the case. Some call it the "friend zone."

So, personally I would recommend you not continue the friendship if you cannot see being just friends. If you actually feel like you could remain just friends with her (meaning you could also move on with your own life and date other women without just secretly hoping she will some day change her mind) then why not remain friends? You never know what may happen, but if she never changes her mind, so long as you are able to move on, then at least you have a good friend and still are putting yourself out there to find somebody else.

If you feel like you couldn't remain friends without it hurting you, or you'd just be waiting around hoping she changes her mind, then it would probably be best to distance yourself from the relationship.
18-02-14, 10:34 AM
Mattiemae

Really all you can do is be yourself! Let things happen naturally! Never force the issue. She knows now, so if she wants it to go further at some point in time the balls really in her court.
18-02-14, 10:48 AM
Wakeup

Quote:

she
"rejected" me saying she did not feel the same way, and requested that we remain friends, which I said may be difficult now.

Start distancing yourself from her so that you don't play her fool while you pine away for her. You want a girlfriend out of her and if she just wants you to be her male girlfriend then you're wasting your time and you'll just get yourself more and more emotionally embroiled in her as she breaks your heart with talk of her "crush" and eventually her new boyfriend.

If you're not having reciprocated romantic feelings then your just her girlfriend with dangly bits. You don't need that distinction in your life.

Quote:

Never give up. True love always win in the end.

That's only when BOTH people want the same thing.
18-02-14, 12:26 PM
justagirl2727

Well my current boyfriend rejected me twice before we eventually ended up dating a year later. So, yes, it's possible. We were extremely close friends, but at first he just didn't see me as anything more than a friend.
That said, there was a lot of sexual tension throughout our friendship, and initially he was interested in a "friends with benefits" situation.
No matter how much you connect with someone, there may not be much hope of a future if she isn't attracted to you.
18-02-14, 01:04 PM
searock

She isn't attracted to you. No matter how kind and nice you are to her, this is not going to change. Don't let yourself go through even more heartache by becoming her "best friend", when in fact what you would really want is to be her boyfriend. As Wakeup advised, distance yourself from her. Don't skype with her anymore, don't talk about personal/emotional things with her, don't be alone with her, etc. It will help you to move on.
19-02-14, 08:22 AM
TheEvilJester

Quote:

Originally Posted by justagirl2727 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well my current boyfriend rejected me twice before we eventually ended up dating a year later. So, yes, it's possible. We were extremely close friends, but at first he just didn't see me as anything more than a friend.
That said, there was a lot of sexual tension throughout our friendship, and initially he was interested in a "friends with benefits" situation.
No matter how much you connect with someone, there may not be much hope of a future if she isn't attracted to you.

I will say this... It is often times easier for guys to go from seeing a girl as just a friend to potentially seeing her as more than friends. With guys, the "friend zone" isn't always quite so final. Mind you, sometimes it is still the same situation. But, it seems to me that guys are typically able to make that transition more easily.

Of course, there are situations where, male or female, they just don't find the other person attractive. To me, you could still call that "friend zone," but I think it is a tad bit of a different type of friend zone. There is the friend zone where you actually very well COULD have been interested in each other, but just became too close of friends to be able to see it happening. Then, there is the friend zone where one or both of the people just don't find the other attractive in that way, or they aren't their "type" or whatever.

Anyway... kinda off on a bit of a tangent there. LOL! I digress.
19-02-14, 08:28 AM
searock

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheEvilJester [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

There is the friend zone where you actually very well COULD have been interested in each other, but just became too close of friends to be able to see it happening.

This doesn't happen. If you're attracted to someone AND they're your best friend, it would be extremely improbable for there not to be romantic feelings as well. If you're both single in that situation, you'd have to be an idiot not to at least give it a shot.

When people tell other people "I'm sorry but you're too much of a good friend, I don't want to risk ruining our friendship", what they actually mean is "I'm not attracted to you, even though I like you and love you as a friend".
19-02-14, 10:53 AM
Boisdevie

Quote:

Originally Posted by bekho [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Never give up. True love always win in the end.

Laughing my ass off here. True love always win in the end. Yeah right.
20-02-14, 07:22 AM
TheEvilJester

Quote:

Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This doesn't happen. If you're attracted to someone AND they're your best friend, it would be extremely improbable for there not to be romantic feelings as well. If you're both single in that situation, you'd have to be an idiot not to at least give it a shot.

When people tell other people "I'm sorry but you're too much of a good friend, I don't want to risk ruining our friendship", what they actually mean is "I'm not attracted to you, even though I like you and love you as a friend".

You may be right. ....I may be crazy. But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for....

....Wait... sorry. I fully did not intend to turn this into a Billy Joel song. But, when I started my response like that I couldn't resist. :)

LOL!

Seriously, though...

You may be right, but I am not so sure. I mean, it isn't like I know from experience. Even so, I honestly think it can and probably does happen sometimes. I mean, it could happen for a number of reasons. Maybe they met as friends originally, or have been friends since they were too young to think of the opposite sex in that way yet. Maybe they met at a time when one or both of them were in a relationship already, so they could only be friends at the time and now they just can't see risking losing the friendship completely.

Plus, there are some people who work great as friends that really just would not work in a relationship. I am sure there are any number of reasons why that could be possible. In fact, actually if I think about it, I met some of my female friends when I was in a mistake of a relationship. Now that I am happily out of that relationship, I can't imagine dating them. Yet, some of them would honestly probably make a great match for me. I just can't help but imagine them as a close friend now, so it would just seem strange, I guess. But, maybe that is just me.