Hi, I have been with my wife for 8 years married for 3 years. I am a retail sales manager and my wife is a web developer. We have two small children age 2 and 1 are comfortable financially and have a spacious home, good friends and family. From the outside every think looks hunky dory, but this couldn't be further from the truth.
Before we got married my partner had an affair with a work colleague, I found out, and she confessed all. I saw it as a blip as she was so remorseful loving and more attentive than she had ever been and I truly believed it would never happen again and learnt to trust her within a relatively short amount of time.
Last year was fairly hectic with the littleuns and just juggling daily life and we did not make a lot of time for each other as you can imagine. She had made me aware she was unhappy, and I made changes to try and meet her needs. I made changes around the house which were really just niggles, booked a last minute holiday to try and cheer her up in October where we had some good evenings together getting tipsy and having a laugh, it was great to spend quality time together. I love her, she is the woman of my dreams and I have never looked at anyone else. As far as sex is concerned, we had an awesome sex life for the first couple of years, and a healthy sex life up til last year. Things fizzled out in the bedroom and the majority of the time she wouldn't let me touch her. We would have sex maybe once every other month but the majority of the time she would just see to my needs because she felt she had to. So by December last year I confronted her on her general mood and the state of our marriage and she told me she didn't know if she wanted to be with me anymore. So January this year I moved out for 10 days, after lengthy discussions discussing existing problems such as making it clear she needed me to more attentive I moved back in and it was an exciting time the prospect of my wife being happy again. The day I moved back in evidence fell on my lap that she had been having another affair, and again she admitted it. He is a married man with kids also. There relationship started early December and ended i think when she decided to give it a go with me. They had sex on numerous occasions in hotels and his accommodation. I was a broken man and went through a lot of emotions. I told her I couldn't be with her and we started making plans to separate properly and amicably for the kids. I had been nasty and told the wife of the chetee of their affair which I am not proud of but I believed she had a right to know.
My wife acted completely different to last time and sort of had a like it or lump it approach to the affair and made it clear she was still going to stay friends with the other guy. It was fairly clear I was not wanted which was the hardest thing to come to terms with.
Last week I offered an olive branch and said I could probably overcome the affair in time and would put the kids happiness first and give it another go and we could work at it together. She didn't exactly jump at the idea but after again discussion we decided to give it a go.
I feel like a mug and don't know if I've done the right thing. Am I doing it for all the wrong reasons, i do love her so very much and she is as sexy now as she was 8 years ago. We've had the odd peck kiss over the last week but no sex. It's all still relatively raw and I think I'm capable of getting over the affair but at the minute all that's playing on my mind is that she has had more sex over the last 6 months with someone else then her husband. I asked her yesterday how she was feeling and she said if she had to class us at present it would be friends. We went on a date tonight for some food and couple of games of pool and I just feel like I'm not making her happy.
I knok there's no direct answers but opinions, ideas and thoughts would be appreciated.
And yes again, I can't sleep, she is sound asleep beside me.
Thanks