Classic Postpartum Sex Issues

So title says it all. I am almost 5 months postpartum from my son and I could really give a damn about sex. I want to care. I want to do it. But I just don't and can't a lot of the time. I know thing like hormone, stress/fatigue and even weight gain can all be classic factors, but it is just so annoying. I try really hard for my boyfriend and he is as understanding as a guy can be, but I know it's hard on him. He will blame himself by saying he's too fat, penis is too small, he just can't preform. It's not any of these things with him. I just feel blah about sex and I know for one I don't feel sexy as because of my saggy stretch marked stomach and weight gain. I do feel tired all the time. I had stitches from tearing, so there is a lot less sensation because of the scar tissue and sometimes it hurts on the outside.

He can get me into it enough, but I never truly feel horny and it takes like 40 minutes to an hour and by that time he is pretty much done and finishes. Who can blame him? But it leaves me feeling really frustrated because I don't just want to be finished off by oral or masturbating. It's just not worth the energy to me.

Not sure what to do. Any remedies are just one of those work at it and give it time things?

Time really helped me. I remember being 5 months post partum and the scar tissue from my stitches could still be very painful if bumped a certain way. Not to mention the fact that baby wasn't yet sleeping through the night. And baby was missing milestones left, right and centre. And the depression. Add to that the physical demands of a baby which left me with pretty much nothing left to give. So, yeah, early motherhood can be a really crap time.....and not at all conducive to having a good sex drive. Sure, like you, I did have *some* sex, but it took quite a few more months before things improved.

The things which really strikes me about your situation is the pity party your boyfriend is throwing for himself. Yes, it's crap for him too - but his self blame is way out of line. Now you're not just consoling baby when he's upset, but you've got to console a grown man who should understand that you are basically too tired, too sore and and too gived out for sex.

Frankly, if my hubby had tried the whole "I'm too fat, penis too small, can't perform" thing on me post partum, I would have given him a mouthful. A new mother has enough demands on her without dealing with a partner who tries that type of manipulation on her.

You need to tell your partner just how exhausted you are - and that you have no time for his manipulation and self pity.

Get your parents to watch the wee one for an overnighter somewhere where there is a hot tub and just go and enjoy one another's company without worrying about anything but reconnecting as a loving couple. Go on a date without baby at the very least.

Pssssst: An erotic couples porn CD will also help too.

One thing that stands out to me (besides basilandthyme's spot-on comments about your BF's pity-party) are your remarks about your appearance... you need to get over that. As a male that's had partners I've impregnated... nothing was sexier to me than when they were hugely pregnant, and I've heard other men say the same thing, and afterwards... Heck, a saggy tummy and a few stretch marks are what goes with loving the mother of your children.

For you, it should really just be a reminder that you're not a teenager anymore.

Now you're a mom. Revel in it. Congratulations. :)

Give it some time. It taked a while with all the adjustments to get back to (the new) normal. Have you tried leaving baby w a babysitter and going on a date? Might be a good thing to do.


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Thank you everyone. Yeah, we've tried dates and stuff like that but not to much results.

I also want to add that I'm on the younger side. I'm only 23 and it just feels so not right. I guess I mistakenly thought that I would bounce right back after I was allowed to have sex again. I loved doing it during pregnancy and when I got to be 8-9 months and couldn't I just could not wait til the time when I would go back to "normal". I liked my pregnant body more than I do my body now. My boyfriend liked me then and he likes me now. It's my own self image.

And about the small penis thing, he has always said that because, in truth he is below average. Yet, it's never been an issue for me and I don't know why he says it. He has a very confident personality and is quite the charmer actually. He's been with a lot of girls too. We met at work and all the girls there had crushes on him. He chose me because I don't really give a damn about him until we actually started talking.

But I will try to be patient.