Okay, it took a lot of courage to do this but here's my story. It's a long one, and I'm in desperate need of advice.
I was in a relationship with this guy, we started drifting and I started to not have feelings for him anymore. In this entire relationship he was always adored and loved by all, meanwhile people looked down at me as his unworthy girlfriend. I was always living in his shadow, no one wanted to take the time to get to know me. He one day wanted to go have drinks with his friends and didn't invite me. I do t get upset over silly nonsense but it bothered me cause I'd try my hardest to make him a part of my life. He eventually told me he wanted space from me so I gave it to him. I started hanging out with my co-workers outside of work. I was happy, they knew me for me and not as his unworthy girlfriend. My co-workers understood me and liked me. They were on my side, they saw him as a pretentious know it all. Well in any case I started to hangout with this guy who was my coworker and my friend. We hit it off, we have a lot of chemistry and physical attraction. Of course I didn't do anything about it. My boyfriend started getting mad at me for spending all my time with my coworkers. I told him that's what he asked me to do.
In any case we broke up, I moved out. Now me and this coworker I'm attracted to became sexually active at this point. He'd tell me he wanted to get to know me and hopefully in the future we can be together. Stupidly I hung onto that. I fell for him hard, I just wanted to be around him all the time. It seemed like he was more interested in me when I was in a relationship. After my boyfriend and I broke up my coworker went from hanging out with me everyday to less and less. I noticed, I've confronted him with my feelings so many times and he'd play it off as he wanted to get to know me still. The , for a few weeks he stopped talking to everyone, then at 2 in the morning he called me. I went to his house, we ended up having sex and then cuddled all night. I was never happier. He kept telling me he didn't want me to think this was a booty call but I knew in my heart it was. I know he's stringing me along. He would smack my ass at work and smile that innocent smile of his that would absolutely melt my heart and I would pretend to laugh and be frustrated with him and playfully hit him back... Yet inside my heart was crumbling to pieces.
So last night was what bothered me, I had a dream he and I were making out in the back at our job, and then we went to his place and he told me he wanted to be with me. I can't take these emotions, part of me wants to hang on to this dream and not give up on him... But the other part wants to forget he ever existed in my life. I've never been so hung up on a person like this for so long. It's been going on for months. I have several other men literally throwing themselves at me and I can't bring myself. All I do is think of him, and I can't stand it. He knows how much I like him, but he doesn't know how hurt I am by this situation. Sometimes I want to tell him but at the same time I don't want to be just another complication in his life. Keeping silent isn't helping, but I don't want an awkward work environment either (though we never see each other at work, we work different shifts all the time cause I try to avoid working the same time as him) it's like if he physically see me, then he wants to hangout that night but if he doesn't see me he won't talk to me ever. I'm tired of waiting, but I can't help it...
Any suggestions? Should I confront him? Should I loose his number? I want to be able to do something that won't end in awkwardness or loosing a friend.
