Confusion about his behaviour.

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11-04-14, 12:38 PM
krgoliver

Confusion about his behaviour.

Hey,
There is a long back story to this but I will try to keep it short, I have a good male friend who I've know now for a good 11yrs. We started out as friends, both in relationships and it was a simple friendship. I spilt from my BF at the time and he and his GF help me through it. He was the first person to come to me when the sh*t hit the fan in that relationship. We grew closer, until I found out his GF was cheating to which point I pulled away as I couldn't watch her hurt him but I couldn't be the one to tell him either. He then finds out, and I'm the one he's using as a shoulder to cry on. He and I get a lot closer, he's still with his GF but I'm single. One night after being out drinking, we end up kissing etc. (not the whole way) He kissed me but neither of us stopped when we should have. The next day he tells his GF, we vow it will never happen again. This does, on several occasions but still not going anywhere. I then chose to pull away, I couldn't keep the cycle going, and hopefully move forward.

We don't see each other for a year, when we see each other at a friends birthday gathering. His GF chooses to ignore us from the get go, understandably but that doesn't bother us. Its like old times, nothing happens but you wouldn't have guessed we hadn't spoken in a year. We then keep in contact but only via text or emails. Nothing is talked about, its just simple conversation. We go through spurts of talking lots, then to nothing. A couple of years in, he starts texting and emailing me when drunk, saying he misses me and that he wishes it was simpler to meet and get complicated because his GF would throw a fit at that happening. They don't happen often, are always the same.

Last year we talked more than we've talked in years, every few weeks its several hours of conversation. I tell him that I'm looking to move out of the city we both live in, and he seems happy for me. That I'm moving forward with my life, I'm now married, have children. He said he wanted us to meet before I moved but it never happened.

The confusing part is, he seemed so happy for me but when I told him we had secured a new house etc and had a final date, he pulled away. Got really cold and distant in his texts. Yet only a few weeks before that news he was saying how much he missed me, with more affection than before. Our friend is getting married and he has asked me to attend. I've said yes. He is going to be there, and although at first he seemed happy that finally after so manys years we'll be able to talk face to face, he's now become almost annoyed. I'm not sure what to do!? I have always been the one to pull away, I lost friends through this whole process. He is still with his GF and they seem happy. I am married and happy. I don't want to make him uncomfortable but I want to be there for our friend. I also don't know why he's suddenly pulling away and acting cold!?

I miss him as a friend and just wish things were easier.

Thanks for reading and any advice.
14-04-14, 12:12 PM
smackie9

Probably because his GF put her foot down telling him he is undermining their relationship with the way he had been towards you. As long as he is with her, you will never have a friendship. He must love her if he is still with her, so sacrificing your friendship is just his choice.

You are just going to have to put on a smile, be cordial and mingle with the many other guests that are going to be at the wedding.
14-04-14, 01:16 PM
Wakeup

Quote:

Originally Posted by krgoliver [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hey,
There is a long back story to this but I will try to keep it short, I have a good male friend who I've know now for a good 11yrs. We started out as friends, both in relationships and it was a simple friendship. I spilt from my BF at the time and he and his GF help me through it. He was the first person to come to me when the sh*t hit the fan in that relationship. We grew closer, until I found out his GF was cheating to which point I pulled away as I couldn't watch her hurt him but I couldn't be the one to tell him either. He then finds out, and I'm the one he's using as a shoulder to cry on. He and I get a lot closer, he's still with his GF but I'm single. One night after being out drinking, we end up kissing etc. (not the whole way) He kissed me but neither of us stopped when we should have. The next day he tells his GF, we vow it will never happen again. This does, on several occasions but still not going anywhere. I then chose to pull away, I couldn't keep the cycle going, and hopefully move forward.

We don't see each other for a year, when we see each other at a friends birthday gathering. His GF chooses to ignore us from the get go, understandably but that doesn't bother us. Its like old times, nothing happens but you wouldn't have guessed we hadn't spoken in a year. We then keep in contact but only via text or emails. Nothing is talked about, its just simple conversation. We go through spurts of talking lots, then to nothing. A couple of years in, he starts texting and emailing me when drunk, saying he misses me and that he wishes it was simpler to meet and get complicated because his GF would throw a fit at that happening. They don't happen often, are always the same.

Last year we talked more than we've talked in years, every few weeks its several hours of conversation. I tell him that I'm looking to move out of the city we both live in, and he seems happy for me. That I'm moving forward with my life, I'm now married, have children. He said he wanted us to meet before I moved but it never happened.

The confusing part is, he seemed so happy for me but when I told him we had secured a new house etc and had a final date, he pulled away. Got really cold and distant in his texts. Yet only a few weeks before that news he was saying how much he missed me, with more affection than before. Our friend is getting married and he has asked me to attend. I've said yes. He is going to be there, and although at first he seemed happy that finally after so manys years we'll be able to talk face to face, he's now become almost annoyed. I'm not sure what to do!? I have always been the one to pull away, I lost friends through this whole process. He is still with his GF and they seem happy. I am married and happy. I don't want to make him uncomfortable but I want to be there for our friend. I also don't know why he's suddenly pulling away and acting cold!?

I miss him as a friend and just wish things were easier.

Thanks for reading and any advice.

This is just sad that you two keep one another in your lives only to bullshit one another with crumbs of attention. This is NOT a friendship and it's not a romantic situation either.

Why don't you both just cut the umbilical cord that keeps you bound in such a superficial manner? End the codependency and call it a day.

As far as the wedding goes. Just stick with your husband and forget your part-time chat buddy who you once kissed altogether. If he wants to "chat" face to face... do it at your table with your husband present.