Advice needed: Does he want me back or am I being used?
I am so confused. I would really appreciate an impartial view on my issue.
So I met a guy on a night out who shall be known as A. We hit it off immediately and started dating. It was effortless. Every date was exciting and we just clicked and being with him felt completely natural, as though it was meant to be. Two months after we met we decided to sleep together and we did this on our first weekend away. Everything in my opinion was going well, until the next day when I felt he was being distant and a bit cold. This continued for a couple more days until I asked him straight was there something wrong. At this stage he accused me of reading a message on his phone and that I violated his trust. He also said that my work made me too busy for him. He asked me not to contact him again and shut down all communication with me. I was devastated. Not only did I feel used, but I was so hurt and angry that I was accused of something I would never and DID NOT DO!
A few days later he came back to me and suggested that we stay friends. As I am crazy about this boy I accepted. Again, we were talking everyday, obviously avoiding our past relationship and what had happened that weekend. The messages were firmly friendly. Anytime I suggested meeting again he said no. It would have to on his terms, his suggestion and in time. Whilst I hated being dictated to, and being punished, I obliged... and continued playing the friends game. Hoping that he would message me saying he missed me or even just to hang out as friends.
So five weeks post break up, I was still devastated, still yearning for him, hurting and so discontent with everything. I finally decided that I should get back into the dating game. I had a few dates with a couple of guys and one guy in particular ended up a recurring date. I felt more content than I did in weeks. I felt like I could talk to A again, and I felt the frostiness in our communication dissipate. Once more we were joking and being effortless with each other... still as friends.
Work got busy for me and I had a couple of away trips to do, which meant that I couldn’t communicate with A. A week went by without any communication and he messaged me saying that he missed me. He missed my body. I laughed it off and said he was sweet and ignored it. The next day he came back and said that he missed me. Again I ignored it talking to him as friends. I had not told him about me seeing the other guy, however I did suggest to him that I had slept with my new date and that I thought it was a shame how polite we were the our first time. To which I got the response... “Don’t worry about it, I forgot to say I would like to meet you again.” Happy at the news I suggested that we arrange something for the end of the week.
Since then I have received very flirtatious and at times explicit messages from A. I haven’t encouraged them but keep receiving them. Last week I was at the new dates house and A was texting me the really flirty messages. On his social media account there are quotes being posted like: “I will never forget our first kiss”, “ I hug my pillow at night because I miss you” or “i may flirt but I know who I want”. I ignored everything. Then I received a message from A suggesting we become friends with benefits. Friends who just hook up and if we got serious about anybody else, we could go back to being just friends. A couple of weeks ago I would have jumped at the chance. However, it left me feeling is that how little you think of me. I felt even more used and dirty. I thought he was joking so i never replied. But he kept asking for a decision. I never gave him one, instead suggesting we talk about it first. As I wasn’t sure if I should part ways with the new date (I would never cheat) and try to start a relationship with A., as I do still have very strong feeling for him. We decided that we would meet at the weekend and try it. From this point on it was old A and I. Everything felt 100% normal, flirting everything.
The morning of I received a message saying hello, followed an hour later by we can’t do tonight as he wants to wait a couple of weeks and he wasn’t in the mood. I felt dejected but got on with it. I was at the new dates house and I started receiving messages from A about how he was all alone and how he wanted me to join him. I ignored completely to receive an angry message at 4am to say why won’t I reply. The next day I just said I was out. Again the flirting started. I suggested we catch up and he said don’t push it!! Like me suggesting coffee was me doing something appalling. Which infuriated me as he is domineering I cannot mention meeting up as friends without being condemned as being an annoyance.
Yesterday I was seeing my date guy. Again A was sending the flirty messages. Followed by one of send me a naked picture. I would never do such a thing for my own self respect. I ignored this message and got on with my evening. This morning I text A to see how he was and I was greeted by the grumpiest reply saying how he was annoyed at me for not replying. That I should tell him where I am and if I am busy. I just replied saying that I don’t have to check in with him all the time and he was being immature and he has no reason to be annoyed... after all it is me who should be having been asked to send pictures, being propositioned as his sex buddy and his completely irrational behaviour towards me.
Long story short... I am very confused by A. I cannot decide whether he is flirting because he wants me back (as I would love it if he does) or if he is using me. I can’t cut contact with him, as the thought alone makes by heart break a little. However he is a daily distraction, emotional devastation and irritation all at once. He makes me feel so bad about myself. I cannot suggest meeting him or put any side of my argument across without being punished or shouted at. But when we are being normal, he makes me so very happy. I know in my heart and head staying friends might not work as I will always want more. But I just cannot work out what his intentions are.
